I don’t have to tell you how insane 2020 has been and that the hits seem to keep on coming. We are all doing our best to cope with the pandemic and everything else in ways that work for us.
Some people, like me, tend to be fairly open about what we are going through, as well as how we navigate difficult and uncertain times. Others, including some of my loved ones, choose not to share as freely and that’s okay.
Last Friday morning I went for a routine/annual mammogram and breast ultrasound. It had only been 6 months since I had a mammogram and ultrasound of my left breast, as a follow up from the biopsy that I had done in August 2019. In February they were checking on the mass that they had biopsied, to confirm that it was indeed stable/still appeared to be benign. In effort to get me back on an annual schedule, they had me return this month so that my right breast wouldn’t go 18 months without being checked out.
Having learned first hand, since my first baseline mammogram in January 2016, that there is a lot of grey area between all clear and breast cancer, I wasn’t completely shocked this afternoon to find out that they want me to return for additional imaging. However, my focus was on helping a loved one with something, at the time I received the news, and thus was a bit taken aback, having momentarily forgotten the results were expected today.
I find online Patient Portals, that allow us easier access to our medical records and test results, to be a blessing and a curse. In the past I would I ask some questions, when taking a call with results and recommendations for next steps, and then try to remember what I could, usually from notes I scribbled down. Now I can see/read entire reports/test results and make of them what I can, with help from Dr. Google. I did also get to talk with medical staff from both the breast health center and my OB/GYN’s office today, which allowed me to still ask a few questions of real people.
These are some of the highlights from the results of my mammogram and ultrasound on Friday:
“The breast density of this patient is considered heterogeneously or extremely dense. Dense breast tissue may mask subtle breast neoplasms and and confers an increased relative risk for breast cancer. Your patient may benefit from additional screening tools, such as breast ultrasound.”
Under FINDINGS:
“There is a possible 0.3 cm round mass in the left breast a 1 o’clock anterior depth 2.8 cm from the nipple. The round mass is hypoechoic.Under IMPRESSION:
“ULTRASOUND INCOMPLETE NEED ADDITIONAL IMAGING EVALUATION. The possible 0.3 cm round mass in the left breast at 1 o’clock anterior depth is indeterminate. A target ultrasound is recommended.”
I Googled “hypoechoic mass” and according to healthline.com “it is tissue in the body that’s more dense or solid than usual.”
The breast health center happened to have a cancellation tomorrow morning and thus was able to schedule me early for a targeted ultrasound of my left breast. They said there will be a doctor there who can review the findings and will give me the results before I leave.
I am doing my best to remain cautiously optimistic and, understandably, feel a bit scared.
I am encouraged by how small the mass is, being less than half of a centimeter.
I am also hoping that since I seem to have a number of “scattered benign subcentimeter cysts in both breasts,” according to the report from Friday, that once they get a better view of the questionable one tomorrow, that it will join the rest, also being labeled benign.
As I’ve shared in the past, writing helps me to process news and life experiences. So getting my thoughts together and sharing them this way is therapeutic for me.
One of the reasons I choose to be so candid about experiences like this is because I want others to know/remember we aren’t alone when it comes to health scares and/or other personal struggles (such as dealing with anxiety, grief, infertility, and loss). I know how much being proactive matters when it comes to breast care, and health in general.
We don’t have to talk about these things, but it is okay if we want to and/or find comfort in doing so.
Another thing that helps me find some comfort and perspective when I am waiting and anticipating, as I am tonight, is reading through my blog posts about what happened in early 2016, when my first/baseline mammogram (at age 40) led to a lot more, including surgery, as well as those from my more recent experience last year. I appreciate being able to remember what that felt like, including the process that led to my benign phyllodes tumor being diagnosed and removed in 2016 and the biopsy I had last August.
Interestingly, my memory isn’t always accurate and before reviewing what happened around this time last year tonight, I thought the biopsy in August 2019 had been taken from my right breast, because it was my right breast that I was initially following up on. However, it turned out the mass they’d been concerned about then in my right breast looked benign, but then they found something new and questionable in my left breast.
These are the posts that I wrote, from the time I first shared what was happening, in January 2016, until we got the “all clear” (i.e. it was definitely benign/you don’t have cancer) after the surgery, in March, as well as two from December 2018 (about the questionable finding in my right breast they discovered then and were checking on a year ago in early August) and then the ones I wrote about my experience last August. If you want to read one or more of them, and aren’t super tech savvy, just click on the title of the post (which is a hyperlink and will take you there).
Cutting to the Chase (1/11/16)
Biopsy Day (1/16/16)
Benign Phyllodes Tumor (1/18/16)
What Happens Now (1/26/16)
Second Opinion Day (2/15/16)
A Good Problem to Have (2/16/16)
Asymmetry (2/17/16)
Surgery On Monday (3/18/16)
All Clear (3/26/16)
A Questionable Finding (12/15/18)
High Probability of Being Benign (12/20/18)
Expect the Unexpected (8/6/19)
Brave and Anxious (8/14/19)
Fabulous News! (8/20/19)
I’d appreciate you please sending thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes my way.
I hope wherever and whenever this finds you, with whatever challenges you are facing, related and/or in addition to life in the time of a global pandemic, that you are hanging in there as well.
When I was waiting and anticipating my biopsy a little over a year ago I wrote,
“It is becoming more and more clear to me that there seems to be a steady stream of stuff like this always happening with our family and/or others that we care about.
Such is (mid)life.
I am learning that the most helpful thing we can do, especially during difficult and uncertain times, is try to avoid platitudes and let each other know we are here with love and support.”
Almost 9 months into 2020, I couldn’t agree more with my sentiments back then.
I am grateful that I don’t have to wait long for my follow up appointment tomorrow or the results afterwards and am hoping for the best.
Sending peace, love, courage and hope your way from Chicago tonight.
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