Rewind 2019

8 years ago I participated in a year-end blog meme for the first time called Rewind 2011, with fun and interesting questions designed to get writers and readers to reflect on our lives in 2011. I did so again the following year, with my Rewind 2012.

Ever since I did this writing exercise those two years, I looked forward to the opportunity to do it again. However, the time got away from me and I hadn’t done it since, until last year (Rewind 2018). Before doing so, I read through my answers for 2011 and 2012, and was fascinated by how much had changed in my life, as well as the many things that hadn’t, over the previous 6 years.

I decided to do it again this year and as with my experiences in 2011, 2012, and 2018, answering the 35 questions listed below was challenging for me. I started by rereading my answers from last year and it was tempting to reuse some of them, as in many instances I felt the same way, really liked how I’d worded things, and/or didn’t have much to add. However, I opted to delete (almost) everything and start fresh, to see what I would come up with this time. It’s also interesting to reflect, as we enter this new decade, on how far my family and I have come since New Year’s Eve 2009, when Sean was 6 years old and Abby had been born just 3 months earlier.

If you choose to participate (either on your blog, via a Facebook note or you can even send me an email with your answers), please let me know so I can read and comment on yours too.

So here goes Round Four of “Rewind 2019:”

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? I participated in an Interfaith Solidarity Prayer service at a local/Chicago area mosque, in honor and memory of the lives lost at the mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand in March, helped to plan and host the annual gala/fundraiser at our local arts center, a “Mad Hatter Affair” at the Beverly Arts Center, said goodbye to my parents’ house of over 40 years/my childhood home in Evanston this summer, dealt with the aftermath of a tree falling on our car while at a family reunion in Door County, WI in July, completed training with our local Girl Scout Council to become an official “Camp Trained Adult,” so I can take Abby’s Junior Girl Scout troop, that I co-lead, on camping trips without needing leaders outside of our troop to join us and traveled to/visited Poland in November with Bob.

Update (1/1/2020): After posting this yesterday, I remembered something else that I did in 2019, that I hadn’t done before, am really proud of and wanted to add. So I decided to add it here, as well as another thing to #27. On July 25th, I got to share part of my story at The Frunchroom (a South Side reading series) here in Chicago at the Beverly Arts Center.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I stopped making New Year’s resolutions some years back and recognize that I can make positive changes in my life at anytime and don’t have to wait for a new year, month, week or even day.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, we seem to be at a stage of life when most of our friends and family are done having children and those in our children’s generation aren’t there yet.

4. Did anyone close to you die? One of our son’s closest childhood friends, from grade school (1st – 8th grades), died unexpectedly of an AVM in his brain in October. They didn’t attend the same high school, but kept in touch off and on since they graduated from 8th grade in 2018 and enjoyed chatting when they saw each other at church. Also, an old friend (from my hometown) died by suicide and one of my cousin’s son’s (he was a senior in high school) died suddenly and a long time (recently retired) Boy Scout troop leader, from the troop Sean was a member of from 1st – 9th grades, died.

5. What places did you visit? This was an incredible year for the “Traveling Bensons!” I feel so lucky how many wonderful places that my family and I got to travel to, both domestically and internationally, as well as the people we were able to see and spend time with during our visits. Other than our regular trips to see my parents in my hometown of Evanston and Bob’s parents’ summer cottage in Sister Lakes, Michigan, I got to travel to Dallas, Frisco and Fort Worth, Texas for a fun weekend with old and dear college friends, our family spent Spring Break in Orlando, Florida (at Universal Orlando), traveled to Door County, Wisconsin for our annual Kamberg Family Reunion, and road tripped to Hilton Head Island, SC with our Axe family (as we do every 2-3 years). En route to/from HHI Bob, the kids and I stopped in Gatlinburg, TN, where we stayed overnight and hiked two trails in the Smoky Mountains. I joined Bob on a business trip to Warsaw in Poland in November and we also spent 24 hours in Krakow, including seeing Auschwitz I and Auschwitz II: Birkenau. Finally, I got to return to London, England for the first time in almost 24 years, when I studied there in 1996, and it was so awesome to be back in a place that holds so many wonderful memories for me. While in England, meeting up with an old friend, we also made our way to her hometown of Southampton (another place in the UK that is very special and nostalgic to me), as well as a brief stop in Romsey.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? It feels like the story of my life… I’m still working on having less stuff/getting rid of more (as a recovering pack rat/hoarder), better time management and prioritizing more low key/down time for my family and me (so not over programming our schedule).

7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? April 17th, as we got to spend our Molly-girl’s 11th Heavenly Birthday at Universal Orlando, where we toasted her with Frozen Butterbeer in Hogsmeade and October 1st, the day Sean’s childhood friend died.

8. What was/were your biggest achievement(s) of the year? My hair stylist cut off/I donated a bunch of 8-inch ponytails of my hair to Children With Hair Loss. I’d been considering chopping my hair short again anyway and being able to donate it gave me added motivation to do so. Also, helping my parents move from their house/my childhood home, where they’d lived for 40 years, to an awesome apartment in a nearby retirement community. Finally, starting to learn and appreciate how important and effective developing and maintaining boundaries in my relationships can be to my own sanity/mental health.

9. What was your biggest failure? Taking things personally that were not directly related to me and my actions. I found myself being more of a “helicopter parent” at times, than is healthy for me and our children, and came to realize the importance of taking a step back, not “fishing for them,” as much and allowing them to “learn to fish” more themselves, and learn from their own experiences (including both their mistakes and their accomplishments).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I survived another breast scare in August.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Everything related to my family and my international and domestic travels, tickets to so many incredible musicals and shows (from the ameteaur ones that our children performed in to professional productions in the Chicago area and London), my very own “Hazel” wand at Ollivander’s Wand Shop in Diagon Alley, at Universal Orlando, new Vera Bradley bags and luggage in the Garden Dream pattern and a super cute striped winter scarf, that I found at a souvenir shop in London (when it was cold and I had forgotten to bring/pack one).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I loved how I answered this one last year and thus, I am going to reuse that for this question: Everyone in our family and in my life that I know is doing the best that they can with the information/resources they have available to them at any given time. Life isn’t easy and as long as we try to keep open minds and hearts, as well as learn from our mistakes, I think we’re on the right track and worth celebrating! This includes me.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Trump, his administration and Republican lawmakers who are obstructing justice and not being accountable for their actions and/or holding others accountable, as well as fellow Americans who support their actions, instead of condemning them and demanding their representatives be/hold them accountable.

14. Where did most of your money go? Beyond, mortgage payments and bills… College/retirement savings, live theater/music shows (from musicals to plays and bands), dining out (especially going to brewpubs with Bob and the kids) and travel!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Sean and Abby were both cast as leads and rocked their roles in musical productions at our local arts center in March! Sean was Troy Bolton in High School Musical Jr. and Abby was Piglet in Winnie the Pooh. It was so much fun to see them shine! I also really enjoyed seeing them perform in other musical and dance shows this year. Getting to meet up with college friends in Texas in March was so awesome, our family trip to Universal Orlando for spring break, especially after Abby and I finished the Harry Potter Series this year, was amazing, returning to one of our family’s “happy places” (Hilton Head Island) in August was wonderful, and then finally getting to head back “across the pond” for the first time in almost 24 years, including a trip to Poland with Bob and then returning to London and Southampton (two places that hold such special memories for me) was incredible. I also loved getting to see so many fabulous live professional theater productions and concerts, including: Dear Evan Hansen, Rent, Les Mis, Come From Away, Hamilton, So You Think You Can Dance Live 2019, Blues Traveler, Everybody’s Talking About Jamie, and Straight No Chaser.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2019? “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi and “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? sadder (being honest, however I am still able to find lots of joy and happiness in my life)
b) thinner or fatter? About the same (in terms of the # on the scale and generally how my clothes fit, but I feel and look stronger)
c) richer or poorer? richer (just a bit)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Purging stuff from our home, managing my time more effectively and developing healthy boundaries with loved ones and others in my life sooner.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Buying things that take up space in our home, without getting rid or more first, and being late, because of my struggles with time management, and letting my loved ones and others’ needs/expectations weigh more heavily on some of my decisions/choices than my own needs/wants.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2019? My mom, my sister and I had a lovely lunch in downtown Chicago at the Tortoise Supper Club about a week before Christmas, which ended up being extra special, as my sister got sick and wasn’t able to join us when we celebrated early with her husband and kids, before they left to spend Christmas with their Minnesota family (they alternate every other year with her in-laws and us). We did enjoy our gathering with my brother-in-law, niece and nephew at my parents’ new home/retirement community in Evanston, where we had lunch, hung out and exchanged gifts.

We spent Christmas Eve, as we do most years, at Bob’s sister’s home with our Benson family. It was just the 16 of us this year, meaning no extended family joined us, which was nice in some ways. Not that we don’t enjoy it with aunts and uncles, and more distant cousins are there, but I liked the way it turned out. We ate turkey and lots of sweets/treats. Bob’s mom lead the kids (ages 8 – 17) in her annual Nativity Play/Christmas Pageant and then we exchanged gifts. As the kids get older the gathering feels less chaotic, which is slightly bittersweet, reminding us how quickly time flies, and it was also relaxing in many ways.

Christmas Day we met my parents at 10:00 a.m. mass at our neighborhood parish/church, St. Barnabas. One of our retired pastors celebrated the mass and gave a nice homily about how Christmas is about connecting with loved ones from throughout our lives, both in person and via exchanging cards, among other ways. I served as a Eucharistic Minister, which I continue to appreciate doing. Then we returned to our home, where we had brunch and exchanged gifts with my parents, before Bob’s parents and close friends (who are like family) joined us for dinner. We served ham and scalloped potatoes, along with french style green beans and rolls. We served our meal with my mom’s inherited Haviland China, which belonged to her mother and her mother’s mother before that. We are now keeping this heirloom in our home, since my parents moved into their retirement community, and it was so special to use for the first time here. Our guests brought delicious desserts, along with champagne and sparkling grape juice to toast with. Our good friends also brought traditional English Crackers which we got to break open and have fun with, including wearing the paper crowns that came inside of them.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?  Taking another answer from my “Rewind 2018,” as also really like how I worded it and my words still ring true for me a year later: I continued to choose to love myself, Bob, the kids and other family members and friends who I care about, even when it was difficult. I also recognized how big our capacity is to love others, including those we haven’t seen in a long time or left this world too soon, while still loving those we see and spend time with more often.

22. What was/were your favorite TV program(s)? This is Us, The Good Doctor, The Connors, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Saturday Night Live, The Crown (Season 3), Chernobyl (mini series), When They See Us (mini series about the Exonerated Five), Being Erica (a Canadian TV series which aired from 2009-11, but I didn’t watch until this year, when a friend suggested I check it out) and Modern Love, especially Episode 2: When Cupid is a Prying Journalist, (based on the popular NYT column and podcast, that I’d never heard of until I saw the show via Amazon Prime).

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2019? For the first time in my life (as well as since 1957), my b-day fell on Ash Wednesday, which was interesting. I was curious and looked it up… Ash Wednesday will be on my birthday every 11 years (my lucky #) for the next 33 years, so in 2030 (55), then 2041 (66), 2052 (77) and then not again until 2109 (134). We celebrated with one of my fav dinners (cheddar and beer fondue) and had mini Oreo cupcakes for dessert. Also, Bob and the kids got me my first subscription to The New Yorker magazine, which I was super excited about, as I really like long-form journalism. 9 months later, I’ve already cancelled the subscription, as I wasn’t keeping up with reading enough articles to make it worthwhile, but I may subscribe again in the future, if and when I feel ready to read more things like that.

24. What was/were the best book(s) you read? I read/listened to so many via Audible, which I love to do while on the go and getting things done around the house. I joined a new (to me) book club with fellow neighborhood moms/friends and helped to start a mother/daughter book club with Abby and other 4th grade moms/daughters in her class at school. For fiction, I loved If, Then by Kate Hope Day and The Overstory by Richard Powers and I really enjoyed finishing the Harry Potter Series (from halfway through Book 5 to The Cursed Child) by J.K. Rowling, along with Abby. For non-fiction, It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand was a game changer for me (and so many others) when it comes to navigating, as well as finding validation in our experience with, grief and loss, Winners Take All: The Elite Charade of Changing the Worl by Anand Giridharadas (another game changer for me, when it comes to how I think about wealth and helping those who are born into less fortunate circumstances), Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, We Learn Nothing by Tim Kreider, After This by Claire Bidwell Smith, and Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb.

25. What did you want and get? A lot, from getting to take incredible international and domestic trips, attending many wonderful plays, live musical productions and concerts, as well as buying things I wanted, including new bags/luggage, some new clothes, and souvenirs during our travels.

26. What did you want and not get? For the people who died to survive/live longer, answers to difficult questions in life (especially related to why some things happen when and how they do), and clarity about my faith, during a year when I’ve struggled with it more than ever before.

27. What was/were your favorite film(s) of this year? Yesterday, Blinded By the Light, Rocketman, and Toy Story 4. I got to see 3 of these, along with many other movies, in the theater this year, which as the kids get older seems to be happening more. I do really like how movie theaters are adapting with the times, installing super comfortable recliners and allowing us to reserve our seats ahead of time, making the experience more worthwhile, relaxing and enjoyable.

Update (1/1/2020): Yesterday my parents, the kids and I saw Greta Gerwig’s version of Little Women and I loved it so much! So I felt compelled to come back and share that here, since it happened in 2019.

28. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes, Bob and I met a couple at a gala/fundraiser for Sean’s high school that we hit it off with and have gotten together/hung out with a few times since. Also, I got to meet some of an old friend’s loved ones in England, including his children, as well as his sister’s husband and kids. It was bittersweet, since my old friend died in 2014, however I believe he is glad that I got the chance to return to the UK after all these years and spend time with some of those who meant so much to him. I also go to know some acquaintances better and consider them to be friends now.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? President Trump and other corrupt politicians/government officials being removed from office and held accountable for their actions. Also, having more people recognize the reality of systematic racism and discrimination (especially in our education and criminal justice systems) and actively working to dismantle these systems that hold marginalized people back.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? Comfortable and relatively affordable clothes that are flattering/fit me well, as well as some things that work really well for travel, including two pairs of Dansko shoes (which were worth the splurge). I still buy a lot at Kohls and Target, while splurging and shopping sales on items from Prana and Patagonia at times.

31. What kept you sane? As I shared in #8, starting to learn and appreciate how important and effective developing and maintaining boundaries in my relationships can be to my own sanity/mental health. Continuing to write to process my thoughts and feelings, which I sometimes share here and/or via other social media channels, is key for me as well. Also, going to/participate in therapy, as well as encouraging my loved ones to do the same, which makes our interactions better, especially because we are all working on ourselves and learning how to navigate and cope with whatever twists and turns life throws our way.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Finding and following Megan Devine on social media, who wrote It’s OK That You’re Not OK about her experience with grief, both as a therapist and personally having lost her partner unexpectedly, has helped me to find validation in and share so much about what it is really like to navigate grief and loss. Soledad O’Brien is my favorite journalist and I really appreciate her perspective on current and past events in the news. If you aren’t following Soledad on social media, especially via Twitter, I highly recommend you start. I also really like listening to Dax Shepard and Monica Padman, who host one of my favorite podcasts, Armchair Expert, which has introduced me to many other interesting public figures, especially via their Expert on Expert episodes. Likewise, Ezra Klein, of Vox media, is another journalist that I respect and appreciate. Ezra’s perspective on so many issues really speaks to me and he is another person who has introduced me, via his podcast, The Erza Klein Show, to many other people who have helped open my mind and heart to understand/think about ideas and issues in new and/or different ways. I am sure there are many more that aren’t coming to mind right now, but listening to podcasts, while get things done around the house and commute various places, is one of my favorites pastimes.

33. What political issue(s) stirred you the most? All things related to Trump, the current administration, White Nationalism and those who can’t seem past what benefits them and their pocket books.

34. Who did you miss? Our baby girl Molly and many other loved ones who left this world too soon, as well as living friends and family who don’t live in the Chicago area. One of our favorite couples moved to Vermont this year, where they had a beautiful new home built on a big plot of land. We are so happy for them, to be “living the dream,” and we miss our friends living closer, as we got to see and spend time with them more often.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019. Did I mention BOUNDARIES?! It really was a theme for me this year… Recognizing the importance of having boundaries, as well as being more flexible, especially when it comes to being open and willing to allow our traditions and ways of doing things to change and/or evolve, has been huge. Keeping in mind the idea that “we are victims of the rules we live by” and it is more than okay to change those “rules” at any given time. We don’t have to do certain things a certain way, “because we always have.” Doing what works for us and respecting when others do what works for them is key.

I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year! Thank you for being a part of my life in 2019!