Bereaved and Blessed

14 years ago I participated in a year-end blog meme for the first time called Rewind 2011, with fun and interesting questions designed to get writers and readers to reflect on our lives in 2011. I did so again the following year, with my Rewind 2012. After that I took six years off, starting up again with Rewind 2018, followed by Rewind 2019, Rewind 2020, Rewind 2021, Rewind 2022, Rewind 2023 and Rewind 2024. I am always fascinated by how much has changed in my life over the years, as well as the many things that haven’t. I decided to do it again this year and as with my experiences in 2011 – 2024 answering the 35 questions listed below was both interesting and challenging for me. 

For 2025 I cleared many of my previous answers from 2024 in effort to start fresh, as it can be tempting to reuse more than a few (which I’ve done in the past and is okay). I did consult posts from social media, blog entries here and our family holiday letter (that we sent with our card in December) when I felt the need to jog my memory for some questions. I also gave myself grace to not finish it during 2025, hence why I am now sharing it in January (as I did for my Rewinds 2022, 2023 and 2024).

Today happens to be the 85th anniversary of my dear dad was birth. Five years ago we celebrated his last/milestone 80th birthday via Zoom, because of the pandemic. I took a mental health day off from work to allow myself the space to grieve and honor all that made Dad so unique and special. It’s still hard for me to wrap my brain around the reality that Dad died 4 1/2 years ago. Remembering so many things that made him who he was — including his sense of humor, love for the Beatles and so many other musicians, as well as spaghetti and chocolate cake. Taking this day off also gave me the time and space to finish this post, which I have been working on/tinkering with for awhile.

If you choose to participate (either on your blog, via a social media post or you can even send me an email with your answers), please let me know so I can read and comment on yours too.

So here goes Round 10 with “Rewind 2025:”

1. What did you do in 2025 that you’d never done before?
Take improv classes (once a week for eight weeks)! After participating in a professional development improv workshop with the Chicago Career Professionals Network (CCPN) at iO Theater in Chicago in September, as well as attending Skylar’s (our eldest child’s preferred name) iO improv end of session performances on stage earlier in the year (which our family finds entertaining), I decided to start improv classes myself at iO this Fall! I am continuing in the new year with Level 2.

Another thing I’d never done before was on Bob’s and my 25th Anniversary this year. One of the ways we celebrated was by having dinner at a restaurant with a tasting and wine pairing menu. This was a first for both of us. Being a big milestone, we splurged and chose Ever in Chicago — which has two Michelin stars. Ever is featured on, and Executive Chef Curtis Duffy is said to have partially inspired, one of our favorite TV series, The Bear (which is filmed mostly locally in the Chicago area, including sometimes a few blocks from our home/on our street in Evanston). We rewatched the episodes filmed at Ever and I also read Fireproof: Memoir of a Chef by Curtis Duffy with Jeremy Wagner before we went. Being a picky eater, I am not always very adventurous when going to restaurants. However, in this instance, I was determined to try and eat everything that we were served. I am proud of myself for doing just that and actually enjoyed it all!

Each course was served in a creative way and that was part of what made our experience so interesting. As for the wine pairing, I had researched in advance what might make sense for us in regards to that and had determined sharing one (which they allow) was a good plan (especially because I am not a big drinker/a light weight and get full easily). That said, the servers encouraged/talked us into each getting our pairing. They suggested we would be eating and drinking slowly over many hours, as well as that the serving sizes weren’t that big, and thus most people are fine with their own servings. We took their advice, which was a “big mistake… Huge!” to quote Pretty Woman. They served us much faster than we anticipated and they had told us they would. So, unfortunately, 1/2 to 2/3 of the way through our meal I started to feel really woozy and not well. That was extremely frustrating.

We asked them to slow down to the service and I went to the bathroom for a bit. A side note about the bathrooms at Ever, something I knew about in advance from reading Chef Duffy’s memoir, is that instead of playing music in the background, they play excerpts from Matthew Mcconaughey’s book Greenlights. So that was an added layer of bizarreness, when I was in the loo trying to sober up a bit and return to enjoy the end of our meal, including the dessert courses. They did end up comping us the additional wine pairing, which we appreciated. I also asked that in the future if a customer presents like me, they might think twice about suggesting they have their own pairing.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
As I have shared in previous years, I no longer believe in making New Year’s resolutions, as I know that I can start something new and/or make changes in my life at any time. I don’t think I have to wait for a new year to do so and I also appreciate that it can be motivating to use a new year to jump start our work towards goals in our lives. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully none of my closest family members or friends died this year. However, five loved ones did pass away who had a meaningful impact on my life. I get that this is/will continue to be more common as I get older.

In March, my Aunt C, one of my dad’s three younger siblings/sisters died. She was 81 and #4 in the Axe family. She was the fourth of the Axe five to pass, though at the time I thought she was third, more on that shortly. She died three years after Aunt D and almost four after Dad. Though I didn’t know Aunt C well, I am grateful for the times I got to see and spend time with her over the years, including during a visit to our extended Axe family’s hometown of Marion, Ohio for my paternal Grandma Mite’s funeral services in May 2000. It is the only time in my life that I got to see my Dad interact with all four of his siblings together, which I was fascinated by. It was wonderful for me to hear them reminisce about their childhood and adolescent memories.

My most vivid memory of Aunt C is from a business trip that I took to California back in November 2002. It was my first time there and Aunt C picked me up at the airport. Then she drove me to the Golden Gate Bridge, which I wanted to see, as I’d never been. I can still picture us riding in the car and chatting that day. Since I didn’t grow up seeing and spending time with our extended Axe family often, I relished in any opportunity I had to get to know my aunts, uncles and 20 cousins (some of whom I have still never connected with in person). These losses are as much for me about what wasn’t, as what was, and that is what it is.

What makes Aunt C’s passing more bittersweet (as I shared about in Rewind 2024) is that one of her three daughters, C, lost her husband, J, to cancer in August 2024. C was Aunt C’s primary caregiver, outside of the long term care community where she resided towards the end of her life. That is a lot of loss to experience in such a short time. I was looking through photos, to find what I have of Aunt C and came across many from my visit in November 2002, including some with C, Jand their kids when they were little. They are such sweet memories of time we spent together back then and it’s hard to believe that was 23 years ago.

In May, I received a brief email from one of my dad’s cousins with the surprising and sad news that my Uncle G died. That is bittersweet in and of itself. However, Dad’s older brother’s death has been more challenging and complicated for me to digest because I didn’t find out about it until almost a year after it happened. Apparently our cousin tried calling G several times and his phone number didn’t work. So then they called his wife/my Aunt M who shared that he died in June 2024. He was 84. Our extended Axe family had complicated relationships with G and I was still sad to learn this news, especially in the way that I did, as well as that he had been dead for almost a year and we didn’t know sooner. This news hit me pretty hard — a mix of sadness (about his death) and anger/frustration (at the situation and our extended Axe family’s dynamics).

I learned of Uncle G’s death about six weeks after my Aunt C’s death. At the time I thought she was the third of the five Axe siblings to pass and now I know she was the fourth. Dad died first (July 2021), Aunt D (January 2022), Uncle G (June 2024) and Aunt C (March 2025). Their sister/my Aunt S remains. After Uncle G returned home from Dad’s wake and funeral in July 2021 (which we were somewhat surprised he decided to attend), G sent a thoughtful email in which he suggested that when tempted to think, “woulda, coulda, shoulda,”’to replace that with, “I’m so glad I got to…” I really appreciated that at the time and have come back to that advice many times since, especially as I have continued to navigate my grief since Mom and Dad’s deaths.

There are many meaningful memories that I’m so glad I got to have which include Uncle G. G and I had fairly different world views/perspectives on issues/values, which is one of the reasons why I opted not to be in contact more often and likely why he also was not in touch regularly. That said, one of my favorite memories with him is a trip to and hike in the Grand Canyon with Bob, that Uncle G took us on during a visit in March 2002. There are some cute photos from my dad, G and their sisters’ childhood, along with others that I appreciate being able to revisit as I grieve. They include a single birthday card that Dad and G exchanged/sent back and forth for 30-ish years, Dad and G’s shared love of music/singing/playing guitar, as well as two of the several gifts that G made by hand for our family over the years out of Saguaro cactus (which he did so beautifully). I wrote this blog post and shared about what Uncle G crafted for us in 2008 (he accidentally dated the note he sent with it 2007), after our baby Molly was born and died.

In June, G, who I knew from our Beverly neighborhood in Chicago via St. Barnabas Parish died. I was never a big fan of the song “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield until G shared why it was so meaningful to her on my first St. Barnabas CRHP women’s retreat in 2011. G was part of the giving team and gave a moving and inspiring witness/talk about her life and faith. She ended with the song, which in the context it was shared changed my perspective on and ignited my love for the lyrics. There is so much more I could share about the wonderful person G was and the disbelief, sadness and anger I feel that she died — after a long battle with cancer. However, for now I will say how thankful I am to G for the endless and wonderful ways she impacted so many people’s lives in the Beverly/Chicago/St. Barnabas community for the better. I will continue think of her whenever I hear “Unwritten” and do my best to live that message her your honor and memory.

“Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”

In July, one of my dear friends who lives across the pond in England/J’s partner A’s teenage son L died unexpectedly in an accident. It happened while we were there, after we had spent time with J and A, however they didn’t tell us until we returned home, as they didn’t want it to impact how we experienced the rest of our time in England. We are sad that we never got to meet, spend time with and witness L performing in person (he was a singer and guitar player in a rock band). We have watched videos A shared and were impressed with how talented L was.

In August, one of my NU/Medill colleagues N died unexpectedly. Though we didn’t work that closely together, we did so sporadically related to the Medill Explores/Travel Colleague programs (which I have participated in several times and mention in #5). N and I could see each other’s desks from from our offices, which were across the hall from each other, and would often run into each other coming and going. We also chaperoned adjacent trips to London together in September 2024 and communicated more often then, as well as prior to the trip I chaperoned this year locally in Chicago.

In November, M, who served as a former Pastoral Associate at the Sheil Catholic (Newman) Center at Northwestern University, died. She was such an important part of the Sheil community, where my family practiced our faith throughout my childhood, adolescence and early young adulthood. When I returned to the traditional workforce/started my job at NU, back in August 2021, she welcomed me to campus with great enthusiasm. After our family moved to Evanston in March 2022, we sometimes attended mass at Sheil and Mary would always greet us/make us feel welcome. For my mom’s second to last birthday in September 2021 (before she died in July 2023), she asked for a new Bible. I asked is she had a preferred translation and she wasn’t sure. We discussed who we thought would give a great recommendation and agreed that would be M! This is an excerpt from M’s response:

“I really like these three translations. New Revised Standard Version (NRSV), New International Version (NIV) and New American Bible Revised Edition (NABRE). These are the most accurate translations. If she wants a more poetic version, the Jerusalem Bible is lovely.”

My family and I ended up getting Mom the NRSV, which she really appreciated, and we now have.

5. What places did you visit?
This summer (in June/July) we took our long-awaited 25-day trip to England! I had been planning it, with input from Bob, Skylar and Gail, for over five years – since it was originally scheduled for August 2020. We visited London, Windsor, the Cotswolds (Stow-on-the-Wold and Bourton-on-the-Water), Bath, Stonehenge (in Wiltshire), Chawton, Winchester, Southampton, Manchester, Liverpool, York and the Lake District (Keswick). We also had unexpected pit stops in Madrid, Spain (though we only got to see the inside of the airport, which is beautiful) and Dublin, Ireland (we did venture into the fair city briefly) when our flights were delayed several times and it took us three days to get home!

My mom/Grandma Jacquie spoke about “peak life experiences” and our time together across the pond was absolutely that. We got our fixes and fills of history (so many museums, cathedrals and other fascinating sites), entertainment tourism (related to Ted Lasso, Harry Potter, Downton Abbey and The Beatles), live theater (Operation Mincemeat, Harry Potter and The Cursed Child and Something About Lennon), nature/landscapes (lots of walking and an incredible “Catbells” hike), delicious food (including three Sunday Roasts and our go-to bread pudding dessert), pints (for Bob) and half pints (for me) of beer and spending quality time with friends who live in various cities there.

In September I got to participate in the Medill travel colleague program again, this time chaperoning a five day local experience in Chicago, with a Northwestern IMC — Medill Explores: Marketing Technology (MarTech) intensive/immersive (masters level) course. It was fascinating and exhausting. I commuted every day (a combo of driving and taking the train) and though I skipped formal workouts in the morning, I got lots of steps in and really enjoyed seeing so much of our awesome city.

With all the discourse (disinformation really) around Chi-town’s safety at that time and since (mostly driven by the current Presidential Administration), I continue to feel grateful to live in a part of this country where many people, communities and elected officials are willing/able to organize and act in line with our shared values when it comes to civil/human rights, justice, resistance, solidarity and mutual aid. Also, the amateur photographer in me relishes in capturing some of the beauty I see when spending time in our city of big shoulders and it always takes me back to the awesome field trips that my fav high school photography teacher would take us on there.

In November, we road tripped to our alma mater with Skylar and Gail, where we got to see our niece perform with the Marching Illini — before, during and after a football game (which they one) that we attended there. We had so much fun following her around campus as they performed. As an added bonus, the Halftime show was “Hamilten: 10 Years of Hamilton!” Visiting the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign is always nostalgic for Bob and me. We stayed overnight this time, which gave us the chance to relish more in our old stomping grounds.

6. What would you like to have in 2026 that you lacked in 2025?
I feel a bit like a broken record in recent years and I still struggle with staying calm/neutral when I am outside of my “Window of Tolerance” and/or as they say in 12 Step programs when I would be better off HALT-ing (which stands for hungry, angry lonely and/or tired). This especially tends to come up in parenting our adult and teenage children. We are trying to help them develop their own healthy habits and routines, which will hopefully lead them to more independence, along with meaningful and fulfilling lives. However, as all kids tend to do, ours push back and test limits at times — which makes interacting with them more challenging. I continue to work on pausing before responding and returning to this wise advice from a friend several years ago:

“When we feel reactive or cynical, it’s often because we are at capacity/our cup is overflowing. Recognizing those moments is key, especially as white people (and people with other types of privilege), and not allowing them to shape our actions.”

7. What dates from 2025 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My 5oth birthday on March 6, our 25th wedding anniversary on September 23rd and Bob’s 50th birthday on October 21st were all wonderful milestones in our lives and our relationship/for our family. On the milestone anniversary eve, our family opened a time capsule filled with memorabilia from 2000, including letters from loved ones, which was a bittersweet and meaningful experience. Bob and I also took our milestone birthdays and anniversary off work to do some of our favorite things, including seeing a show at Second City, playing golf and visiting Frank Lloyd Wright’s Home and Studio, as well as having meals at some spectacular and unique restaurants (including the one I mentioned for #1, which featured a tasting menu with wine pairings).

Also, January 2 and December 20 were two significant dates/turning points for our family that sparked some extremely difficult and uncertain times that we’ve had to navigate together.

8. What was/were your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Surviving another year since my mom (in July 2023) and my dad (in July 2021) died continues to be a big one for me. My parents (who were both amazing and flawed) were my biggest cheerleaders and continuing to learn to live without their earthly presence in my life is not easy. Supporting our 22 year old and 16 year old children on their journeys, often in ways that Bob and I did not expect to be at this age and stage, is also something I am proud of. Working with Bob on our marriage (25 years in)/our relationship (29 years in) and continuing to evolve together. Lastly, pulling off our family’s epic and memorable vacation/trip to England!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Trying to rescue people too often who could benefit more from learning their own life lessons through natural consequences. Also, “translating” too much on behalf of loved ones who might better understand each other in conversations not mediated by me. Though both of these actions come from my good intentions, I recognize that doesn’t always equal a positive or meaningful impact.  

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Amazingly, not really! Which after 2024 (in which I got COVID for the first time and suffered through a long bout with vertigo) was a big relief! That said, I continue to be very proactive with my health care, including having a my first bone density scan this year, along with receiving COVID, Flu, Pneumonia and Shingles #1 vaccines.

11. What were the best thing(s) you bought?
Our big home renovation, which was finally completed last month (in early December), though we’ve been able to enjoy many aspects of it (especially Bob’s and my new home offices) for several months. 

Our 25 day family trip/vacation in England!

Our family continues to experience great joy through going to live theater, concerts and sporting events. Some of our favorite performances from this year, that various configurations of us saw, were: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (Chicago and West End), Steppenwolf Theatre shows (we were subscribers again this year with old/dear friends from when we lived in Beverly/Chicago), Betrayal play (Chicago), Beetlejuice musical (Chicago), DOGMA: The Resurrection Tour, a 25th Anniversary Celebration with Kevin Smith (Chicago), 42 Balloons musical (Chicag0), Operation Mincemeat (West End), There’s Something About Lennon (Liverpool), David Nicholls You Are Here Book Tour (York), Billie Jean play (Chicago), The Fruchroom (Beverly/Chicago), Cameron Crowe The Uncool (memoir) Book Tour with John Cusack interviewing him (Chicago), several improv shows at iO Theater and an Illinois football game (with our niece performing with in the Marching Illini playing the cymbals).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I am resharing the answer I gave last year, as it still tracks:

“I continue to be proud of Bob and me for how we have met the many challenges we have faced this year, especially as parents. We didn’t anticipate parenting would be as hard as it is at this age and stage. Also, the way we have managed to juggle/balance our many responsibilities related to parenting, our day jobs and the home renovation project, which have been time consuming and stressful.

(Skylar) and Gail both had challenging years and I admire their tenacity and resilience as they navigate their lives, which often haven’t gone as they hoped, dreamed or planned. It is one of many common life lessons, which no amount of preparation and expectation can really prepare a person for the reality of.”

Also, our community members who fought back against ICE raids in the Chicago area, others continuing to stand up to the fascist/authoritarian Trump administration and those practicing collective action, mutual aid and community care, especially with government agencies/policies fall woefully short in protecting and supporting those in need.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I am adapting parts of the answer I gave last year and in 2023, as much of it still applies…

The conservative/biased U.S. Supreme Court and how they are continuing to abuse their power to roll back/take away civil rights for women and trans people (especially when it comes to making decisions about our own bodies/medical care), as well as other marginalized people (especially affirmative action/DEI). Also, the Israeli and U.S. governments that are funding the ongoing genocide in Gaza and Zionists. I continue to be confused and saddened to learn how many people in my orbit that I understood to be progressive, open minded and anti-racist aligning with/supporting the Zionist agenda.

The Republican Party as a whole, their elected officials and those who support Trump. As I’ve shared previously, I wasn’t a big fan of Biden or Harris as presidential candidates either, especially because of their support of the genocide in Gaza and not implementing an arms embargo. Though I voted for Harris/Walz, it was reluctantly and I had hoped if they got elected we could organize them to take action and change some of their plans/policies to be more progressive and inclusive.

People who don’t accept and embrace people for who they are and see conversations around LGBTQ+ as “politics,” as opposed to people’s humanity and identities. People who reject and exclude people based on fear, misunderstanding, misogyny, homophobia and racism.

14. Where did most of your money go? Our house, our trip to England, tickets for live theater performances and food (both groceries and restaurants meals).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our family’s England vacation and our home renovation!

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2025? Beatles songs, as we listened a lot before our trip to England, which included three very Beatles-centric days in Liverpool, especially “Lady Madonna,” as someone in our tour group played it on the piano in Paul McCartney’s childhood home while we were there.

Related, the original cast recordings for 42 Balloons and Operation Mincemeat, as we like to listen to them frequently in the days leading up to seeing the live productions.

Taylor Swift’s newest album, The Life of a Showgirl. We attended Taylor Swift’s Release Party of a Showgirl in the theater, which was fun and I received the vinyl version for Christmas.

The song Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae, as it comes up a lot on our morning workout playlist and we’ve had a lot of “messed up weeks,” as they sign about, this year. I find it especially therapeutic to sing along to this part:

“La, la, la, whatever!
La, la, la, it doesn’t matter!
La, la, la, oh, well!”

Also, in part because this year was so hard and stressful, I made a “Songs That Soothe” playlist that I continue to add songs to and listen often. This is what I have so far:
– The Show Goes On by Bruce Hornsby & The Range
– Golden Slumbers by The Beatles
– Carry That Weight  by The Beatles
– Take On Me (2017 Acoustic) by a-ha
– Turn the Lights Back On by Billy Joel
– Sunday by Mandy Patinkin, Bernadette Peters & Sunday in the Park with George Ensemble
– Waiting (Reprise) by George Michael
– Within Your Reach by The Replacements
– America by Simon & Garfunkel
– Kathy’s Song by Simon & Garfunkel
– Father and Daughter by Paul Simon
– Father to Son by Phil Collins
– Father and Son by Cat Stevens
– Keeping the Dream Alive by Münchener Freiheit
– Shelter from the Storm by Bob Dylan
– Orpheus by Sara Bareilles

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? sadder

b) thinner or fatter? fatter

c) richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Purging! We did make some small dents and the closest thing I have to a resolution in 2026 is my intention go through and get rid of/donate more stuff. There is still a significant amount of my parents’ belongings that I haven’t made my way through, in part because it can be a painful/bittersweet project to work on. That said, the more time that has passed since their deaths, I am finding myself more able to approach their things and determine what to do with them.

Also, walking! In warmer weather Bob and I enjoy going for walks most nights after dinner. However, when the weather gets colder and/or snow arrives we are less motivated. As with so many things in life, it can be so easy to get out of healthy habits and this is one we really let go towards the end of 2025.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating past the point of being full (as opposed to aiming for 80%) and retail therapy/online shopping for things that I don’t need. 

20. How did you spend Christmas/the winter holiday season in 2025?
This answer is adapted from a series of posts that I shared on Facebook and Instagram during the holiday season…

This Andrea Gibson poem, which was shared via Megan Falley and their Substack on December 23, really resonated with me on Christmas Eve Eve. Our family’s holiday season did not go how we anticipated and such is life. We are made the most of our unexpected situation, “being here for what is here” (as Dean Spade talks about) and leaned into our nuclear family love, with support from other loved ones near and far. We allowed ourselves to feel how we feel, while navigating difficult and uncertain circumstances, during what doesn’t always feel like the most wonderful time of the year.

Christmas Eve was different this year for us, than how we celebrated many in the past. We didn’t anticipate that until several days before and still found joy and meaning together as a family. We attended the children’s mass at St. Nick’s with the H family/close friends/chosen family (one of whom served), which included a cute nativity play. I also got to see and chat with another old and dear friend there (who was in town from across the pond), which was lovely. Then we had a relaxing dinner at Valley Lodge Tavern in Wilmette, which was festive, cozy and delicious. Lastly, we headed home for a low key evening of opening presents and spending time together.

It still felt so surreal being our 3rd and 5th Christmas since my mom’s and dad’s deaths. They are always in our hearts and never far from our minds.

On Christmas Day Bob, Skylar, Gail and I hosted and celebrated Christmas with the H family. They were amongst my parents’ closest friends/chosen family and we are grateful for their continued presence, love and support in our lives, especially during this bittersweet holiday season. 2.5 and 4.5 years since their deaths, mom and dad are still so very missed. My sister’s family alternates years spending Christmas with her husband/our brother-in-law’s family in Minnesota. This was a Minnesota family year and thus we gathered with them belatedly on the Sunday after Christmas.

On Sunday, December 28th Bob, Skylar, Gail and I hosted and celebrated belated Christmas with my sister, brother-in-law, their son, our Axe cousin M (on my dad’s side/one of his sister’s grandkids), along with the H family. It also would’ve been Mom and Dad’s 60th wedding anniversary, which was one of the reasons we picked this date to gather.

We ordered pizza (which was our Evanston Axe family Christmas Eve tradition), exchanged presents and spent quality time together. The H family also brought crackers, which they do most years when we celebrate the holidays, and are always fun to open together!

Cousin M (one of my paternal cousin’s daughters) moved to Chicago this summer with a childhood friend, after they graduated from college in the spring. Bob, the kids and (especially) I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know and spend time with her this year. It was also nice for Meg’s family and the H family to get to meet her.

One of several amusing moments on Sunday, was when my sister and I realized we had gotten each other the same cherry themed Kate Spade kitchen towels and pot holders for Christmas! I also got Meg cherry themed Kate Spade salt and pepper shakers, which my sister shared she’d also gotten me (and was saving for my birthday in March)! My sister loves Kate Spade stuff and I have gotten really into cherry themed things since our mom died, as it was her “southern” nickname.

If you haven’t tried a “Danish Kringle” (delicious coffee cake-ish treat) from Wisconsin, I highly recommend! If I had some before this holiday season, I don’t recall. At our work holiday party/potluck earlier this month, someone from Wisconsin brought several flavors. My favorite that day had cinnamon filling. However, they all seem to taste similar and my sister’s family brought one with raspberry.

Lastly, around the holidays my sister and I saw lots of 11:11s, as well as some 2:22s. We text each other when it happens, if we aren’t together, and it works for us to feel like they are signs from our mom and dad.

21. Did you fall in love in 2025?
I feel in love improv, as I shared about in #1! It is something I’ve thoroughly enjoyed watching as an audience member for much of my life. However, I never anticipated wanting to learn to do it myself until the latter part of 2025. Now getting to attend and participate in weekly classes at iO Theater on Sunday afternoons is a highlight of my week!

Another somewhat unexpected love that I found in 2025, was listening to Joan Didion’s writing via audio versions of her many books. So far I have only read her memoirs and books of short essays, which I will share more about in #24. That said, it came as a surprise to me, because I had read her book about navigating grief after her husband’s death, The Year of Magical Thinking five years ago (in 2020) and didn’t love it the first time around. I realized in retrospect that was likely because I wasn’t used to her unique writing style (which I came to really appreciate in 2025) and that in spite of having experienced the deaths of many loved ones prior to my parents’, it wasn’t until they each died that Didion’s writing about grief resonated with me more fully.

22. What was/were your favorite TV program(s)? The Pitt: Season 1, The Gilded Age: Seasons 1 – 3 (I also listened to every single episode of the companion podcast, of which there is one for each episode of the show, which added so much to the already awesome show), The Diplomat: Season 3, The Bear: Season 4, Welcome to Wrexham: Season 4 and Cobra Kai: Season 6. Also, our family rewatched all six seasons of Downton Abbey, starting before we left for England, in part because we knew we were going to Highclere Castle, where it was filmed. We also watched episodes here and there during our trip, to help us wind down before bed. We also rewatched some Ted Lasso episodes before we left, since we knew we were going to visit where some of the show is filmed in Richmond. I am probably forgetting some as our family loves to binge watch TV series together and I may update this if/when I remember more.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2025?
This answer is adapted from a series of posts that I shared on Facebook and Instagram around the time of my 50th birthday…

On the eve of my milestone 50th birthday I ran into one of my vestibular PTs in the waiting room for my annual mammogram. Which felt like something a 50 year old would experience. Also, I got to tell her that I did all of my exercises that day!

I chose an old fav for my first workout of this new decade of my life = Focus T25: Speed 2.0 with Shaun T! T25 was the first Beachbody/BODi program that Bob and I did when we started working out every morning together, in 2014, and it was a fun/nostalgic way to start my birthday. Also, I got the results from the biopsy of my mole/skin from the previous week and my mammogram the day before and both were clear/no signs of cancer, which was a big relief!

Love cake for breakfast any day and especially on my birthday! Bob baked it (my fav yellow with chocolate frosting) and Gail decorated it — with an elephant (because I collect them) and cherries (in honor of my mom) on it. Bob and I both took my birthday, as well as the day after, off work. Also, Skylar gave me a cuddly stuffed elephant, which is super cute.

Bob, Skylar, Gail and I celebrated my 50th with a delicious dinner at Topo Gigio Italian restaurant in Old Town, followed by the hilarious Second City 112th MainStage Revue: The Devil is in the Detours!

I went to Second City many times in my teenage years and young adult life with family and friends, including my 18th birthday in 1993 and it was part of my bachelorette party/night out in 2000. It was such fun and nostalgic place to ring in this new decade of my life, along with it being Skylar’s and Gail’s first experience there. It also felt so good to laugh that hard, especially in these times. This was all before I felt inspired to take improv classes myself, though in retrospect, it was somewhat foreshadowing.

Bob got me two new charms — cherries and an elephant (that I picked out), for my Pandora bracelet. My parents gave me the bracelet and my first two charms (as a surprise) for my 40th birthday ten years ago. Ironically, Gail didn’t know this when they decorated my birthday cake earlier in the day with both cherries and an elephant!

Lastly, I wrote and shared a blog post (though I didn’t actually finish it until June), Holding Mystery at 50, as I had done when I turned 40 and 45. I appreciate being able to revisit what I was thinking, as well as feeling, back then and how far I have come since. It is a bittersweet and meaningful exercise to see how my life has changed and evolved in five year increments.

24. What was/were the best book(s) you read and podcasts that you listened to?
I read/finished 28 books in 2025 (some I had started in 2024), which was five more than the 23 I read in 2024. As I have shared before, I am often reading/listening (via Libro.fm to support Bookie’s Chicago, which is a great alternative to Audible, benefitting independent book stores) to more than one audiobook at a time. I also read hard copies for those that weren’t available that way (many of which I ordered from Haymarket Books and Bookshop). 22 of the books were non-fiction (which I tend to prefer/be more drawn to) and six were fiction. Of the 22 non-fiction books, three were for David Kaib’s socialist/abolitionist Book Club. I continue to appreciate that the book clubs that I am in move me to read books I might not have otherwise. I also read multiple books by several authors, which I haven’t done consistently in recent years.

I use StoryGraph (a good alternative to Goodreads) to track what I read and this is an excerpt from my 2025 StoryGraph Wrap Up that I shared on on Facebook and Instagram.

My favorites were:
– Love in a F*cked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together by Dean Spade (I didn’t rate/review this one in StoryGraph yet, but it definitely gets 5-Stars!)
– The Message by Ta Nehisi Coates (which I read for the second time and was also one of my 2024 favorites)
– The Grieving Body: How the Stress of Loss Can Be an Opportunity for Healing by Mary-Frances O’Connor (which is a companion to her previous book, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn From Love and Loss — one of my favs in 2023, that I read soon after my mom’s death)
– Rules to Win By: Power & Participation in Union Negotiations by Jane F. McAlevey & Abby Lawlor (which deepened my understanding of and increased my commitment to the value and necessity of unions/organizing)
– You’d Better Be Lightening by Andrea Gibson (I am late to the Andrea Gibson party, especially since they died this year. However, I look forward to returning to this one, as well as reading more of their poetry and substack writing in the days to come.)

I also especially appreciated what I learned from:
– Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion (which reintroduced me to Joan Didion and made me want to read everything she has written, something I have started doing in the last month)
– My Child is Trans, Now What?: A Joy Centered Approach to Support by Ben V. Greene (which I recommend for anyone who loves people who identify as trans and/or wants to learn more about how to support trans people, especially in these difficult and uncertain times)
– Abolish Rent: How Tenants Can End the Housing Crisis by Tracy Rosenthal and Leonardo Vilchis (a fascinating book about housing and how we can organize to make it more equitable)

I continue to love listening to podcasts and some that I really enjoyed this year include: A Jane Austen Year, How to Survive the End of the World, Movement Memos, Question Everything, Proxy with Yowei Shaw, Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, We Can Do Hard Things and Wisecrack. As with the many TV series my family and I watch, I am probably forgetting some of my fav podcasts and I may update this if/when I remember more.

25. What did you want and get?
For our home renovation to wrap up and our 25 day trip to England!

26. What did you want and not get?
For some people in our orbit that we care about to show their love for and acceptance of our nuclear family in ways they seem to be unwilling and/or ill-equipped to do. Though their behavior didn’t come as a total shock, we had given them more benefit of the doubt in recent months/years than it turns out was warranted. Feeling their judgement and rejection, as opposed to the curiosity, support and affirmation we hoped for, has been very painful.

For far more people to challenge the status quo and push back on Trump administration orders and policies (which are far worse than the status quo). This looks like a lot more collective action, mutual aid and community care in the face of authoritarianism and fascism.

27. What was/were your favorite film(s) of this year?
We don’t watch many new films these days and I am blanking on any that I really enjoyed in 2025. That said, Bob and I did watch many interesting and thought provoking documentaries/docuseries. The kids joined us for some of them. I especially appreciated Come See Me in the Good Light and The End of an Era. Though that might be recency bias, as I can’t recall many of the others, and I may update this if/when I remember more favorites.

28. Did you make some new friends this year?
Many through taking improv classes at iO Theater!

As I said in last year’s post, I also want to be more intentional in 2026 with reaching out to existing friends to invite them to meet up and spend time together. Bob often reminds me that this age and stage of life makes that more difficult, because of all that we are juggling/holding and that’s okay. I appreciate that affirmation and still want to try to prioritize seeing and catching up with friends when possible.

Lastly, I connected with one of my mom’s closest friends, M, over the phone several times. Prior to this, I always thought of her as one of my mom’s friends. Now, I consider M to be my friend too. I’d wanted to reach out for a while and finally did so via a text message in late August. I knew that we both really miss my mom. We loved talking with her and she loved talking with each of us regularly. So, I wondered if M would like to talk with me sometime. I shared that I thought it could be meaningful for both of us, as well as that I missed having an older person in my life that can have the kinds of conversations I used to have with my mom* and I am also a good listener/person to discuss life with, if she was open to that. We connected that same week and it was really meaningful for both of us.

*Noting that I do have another older person in my life (who was also one of my mom’s closest friends/part of the H family) that I have meaningful conversations with and I still felt it would be meaningful to connect with another of my mom’s close friends.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More stability within our family, as that has sucked a lot of Bob’s and my energy. As I shared previously, of course we want to support our adult and teenage children through their trials and tribulations. That said, we didn’t expect much what that would look and feel like at this age and stage of life. We continue to take life one day, one step and one next right thing at a time. We are grateful for the many therapeutic and academic teams who work with us to help Bob, Skylar, Gail and I navigate life.

Related, more stability, acceptance, curiosity and humanity in the world, nation and our communities.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2025?
As I shared recent years, I continue to appreciate clothes and shoes that are comfortable, flattering and fun. In the warmer months/seasons, I especially enjoy wearing Birkenstock Mayari sandals, which I have in three different colors. In the colder months/seasons, my go to shoes have become Dansko Clogs and Oboz hiking shoes.

31. What kept you sane?
Reupping/adapting my answer from 2024:

Therapy was huge and I continue to love my therapist that I started with in 2023. Also, connecting with my best friend/partner/husband Bob and some close friends (sometimes in person and often via text/group chats). Listening to podcasts and audiobooks continues to be meaningful to my mental health as well.

Prioritizing healthy sleep habits — including getting enough (we aim for seven hours on weeknights and closer to eight on weekends) and getting up when our alarm goes off the first time.

Following our daily exercise routine is huge in helping us to feel grounded and sane in the midst of the chaos that we often experienced in 2025.

Noticing how what I consume makes me feel and adjusting (increasing, decreasing or maintaining my intake levels) accordingly.

Also, Bob and I continued to take regular neighborhood walks, which we both really enjoyed.

Additionally, recognizing when I need to slow down/do less, giving grace, as well as space, and doing the next right thing — especially during difficult and uncertain times.

32. Which celebrity/public figures(s) did you fancy the most? Mariame Kaba, Kelly Hayes, David Kaib (I have learned so much from the Abolitionist/Socialist reading group that he hosts and I participate in), Sam Fragoso (host of the Talk Easy podcast), Brian Reed (host of the Question Everything podcast), activists Cynthia Nixon and Morgan Spector (they are also actors in The Gilded Age) and Joan Didion (even though she died in December 2021, I became enamored with her writing this year and have read many of her books/essays).

33. What political issue(s) stirred you the most? See #13

34. Who did you miss?
As I shared in recent years, I miss my mom and my dad so much. Also, many other loved ones who left this world too soon, including our baby Molly, make my heartache often. That said, my parents’ deaths have continued to eclipse those loses at this stage of my grief. 

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson(s) you learned in 2025.
When engaging with loved ones or colleagues who are wound up, try not to respond in a way that amplifies the situation. I especially use this when replying to texts or emails and remind myself that I do not need to answer immediately (usually within 24 hours is reasonable).

Related, when people around me are struggling, I can help/support without “getting in the river” with them. As I wrote about in #9, recognizing when I am doing too much “rescuing” or “translating” and allowing for more natural consequences and intentional communication (without me mediating) between others.

Practicing values aligned behavior and decisions. This is something our family has been working on together and asking ourselves how we make choice that move towards (as opposed to away from) our values.

Improv taught me the value in “yes, and” and I am frequently reminded that more than one thing can be true at the same time.

Thank you for being part of my life in 2025. I wish you and yours a wonderful, meaningful and restorative 2026.

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