11 years ago I participated in a year-end blog meme for the first time called Rewind 2011, with fun and interesting questions designed to get writers and readers to reflect on our lives in 2011. I did so again the following year, with my Rewind 2012. After that I took six years off, starting up again with Rewind 2018, Rewind 2019, Rewind 2020 and Rewind 2021. I am always fascinated by how much has changed in my life over the years, as well as the many things that haven’t. I decided to do it again this year and as with my experiences in 2011, 2012, 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021 answering the 35 questions listed below was both interesting and challenging for me. This one felt like it took me longer to complete than it has in recent years, but that could also be selective memory. I also choose to take my time and answer each question with as much or as little detail as I feel moved to do, which varies from year to year. A lot happened with my family and me in 2022, so it’s not a stretch for me to see why I want to reflect on and share much of that.
For 2022 I challenged myself to clear my previous answers from 2021 and start fresh, as it can be tempting to reuse some of my previous answers (which is okay) and I decided I didn’t want to do this time. I also didn’t finish this in time to share it on or before December 31st, as I have in the past (which is also okay). I like to remind myself that “we are a victim of the rules we live by,” and thus, just because I didn’t get this done before 2023 began, doesn’t mean I cannot still do it. Also, thanks to what I opted to share in 2022 on Facebook and Instagram, I was able search for/revisit my posts, with photos, to jog my memory about details from the last year (which felt like a blur at times).
If you choose to participate (either on your blog, via a Facebook note or you can even send me an email with your answers), please let me know so I can read and comment on yours too.
So here goes Round Seven of “Rewind 2022:”
1. What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before? Made a major life change by moving back to my awesome hometown of Evanston, after living on Chicago’s SW side in Beverly for 19 wonderful years! Parented, along with Bob, Gail through their bittersweet transition to a new school after our move and Sean through the second semester of their senior year/choosing where they want to attend college, as well as during their challenging first semester of college. I completed my first full year back working in the traditional workforce at Northwestern University and survived my first full year since my dad died. All of this felt very surreal, so much so that I still regularly think and talk about how it’s hard for me to believe that it all happened/is happening.
I am not in denial, nor do I regret the choices my family and I made, and I am also a bit surprised that I don’t feel as settled into everything as I anticipated I might by now. I appreciate that my dad’s unexpected death on July 1, 2021, followed by my returning to the traditional workforce after being primarily a SAHM for 18 years on August 2, 2021, while also preparing for our move/moving on March 5, 2022, followed by Sean beginning at summer bridge program at Marquette University on July 10, 2022 made for a very discombobulating 18 months. I continue to give myself grace as I adapt to all of this and find joy in the journey.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I haven’t made New Year’s resolutions for years, as I no longer buy the premise. I think we can make changes in our lives anytime and don’t have to wait for a new year. That said, I do appreciate how feeling like we are making a fresh start has value and can be motivating, so I get why starting something new on the first day of a year, month or week can help people at times, including me.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? One of Bob’s cousins had a baby in December and we are very happy about the new member of our extended family! One of my colleagues at Northwestern also had a baby. I am choosing to mention the colleague from work not because we are close, but because I am both fascinated by and impressed with how the colleague and their partner are choosing to raise the baby, along with their other child/the baby’s older sibling. They are doing “gender curious parenting” and calling their toddler and newborn by they/them pronouns until they are old enough to decide what pronouns they prefer, which may also change throughout their lifetime.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My paternal Aunt Denny/the youngest of my dad’s four siblings/one of his three sisters/one of my Godmothers died of cancer at the end of January. Though I had not seen her in person for many years, she was very special to me and I have many meaningful memories of our relationship/times we spent together. Because she died only seven months after my dad did, I am not sure that I have fully grasped the reality of her death, in part because I don’t think I have done that with my dad’s death either. So I imagine, in the days, months and years to come, I will digest and grieve Aunt Denny’s death more, as I continue to with Dad’s death. I do find some comfort in imagining if there is an afterlife, that Dad and Aunt Denny are reunited there, with so many other dear loved ones who went before them — including their parents/my Grandma Mite and Grandpa Robert, our Molly and one of Aunt Denny’s grandsons who left this world much too soon in October 2019.
In July our longtime pastor and friend from St. Barnabas Parish, Fr. Bill Malloy, who baptized Molly and Gail, also died of cancer. I was especially close with him during the years that I was involved with the CRHP Women’s Retreat program at St. Barnabas as a Lay Director and then Co-Spiritual Director. In November, Fr. Don Senior, who was President of the Catholic Theological Union (CTU) graduate school for 23 years, including when I worked there from 2002-03 with the Peacebuilders Initiative, died. I am grateful for Fr. Don’s role in my life, career and faith journey. One of Bob’s Great Aunts and and one of his Great Uncles, who were the couple that were married the longest at our wedding in September 2000, also died a few months a part this year. They lived into their 90s and it was still bittersweet for Bob’s family, as well as all those who knew and loved them — truly the end of an era.
5. What places did you visit? In February we spent two days and one night in Wooster, Ohio to visit The College of Wooster, for an admitted student visit, where Sean almost went to college. It is an awesome small liberal arts college that seemed like a really good fit for Sean. However, we ended up finding a place that we thought might work even better for them. On our our way home from Wooster, we stopped in Marion, Ohio, to show the kids where my dad was born and my parents were both raised. We visited the outside of one of each of my parents’ childhood homes, another place where my paternal grandparents lived and the cemetery where they are buried, as well as some of our extended Axe family.
We visited Milwaukee, Wisconsin many times throughout the year for events at Marquette University, since that is where Sean decided to go to college. Marquette has a special program that helps students with some of the same challenges that Sean has navigate college life and the ended up being a big factor in our deciding that would be a good place for Sean. Also, after we moved to Evanston, the Goldilocks proximity to home helped Sean choose to go there.
As we do most summers, we visited Sister Lakes, Michigan a number of times, to go to Bob’s parents’ summer home there and have fun with our Benson family. In October, over Sean’s Fall Break/Bob’s Birthday Weekend, we went to Baraboo, Wisconsin and nearby Devil’s Lake State Park for a short and fun family getaway with great food, beer and beautiful hiking. In November, we went to Champaign, Illinois for a football game and to visit one of Sean’s childhood friends who goes there. That was a bittersweet visit for Bob, Sean and me, as Sean didn’t end up getting into our Alma Mater, which was amongst their top choices for where they’d hoped to attend college. We weren’t 100% sure if it would even be the best fit for them, but it was still painful not to have that choice. Sean and their childhood friend has also discussed rooming together, so not having that option either was also sad.
6. What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022? The time, money and opportunity to travel more, especially abroad/internationally, as well as to spend more time with friends and family that I haven’t gotten to see in person as much since the pandemic began.
7. What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 5th, when we moved into our new home in Evanston!
8. What was/were your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Following through on our dream to move to Evanston was definitely the biggest!
Another big achievement this year was completing my first full year back working in the traditional workforce at Northwestern University (NU), as a Program Assistant, supporting the Master of Science in Analytics (MSiA) and Master of Science in Information Technology (MSIT) programs! I am active with the Association of Northwestern University Women (ANUW) and began serving on our Executive Board as Co-Chair of the Programming Committee in August. I love taking advantage of professional development opportunities at NU. Two favorites this year were: Navigating Cultures in the Global Workplace, through which I learned how to work more effectively with international students in MSiA and MSIT, as well as colleagues from different backgrounds, and Lead 4 Success (facilitated by the Center for Creative Leadership) in which I was able to identify some career goals and formulate a plan to work towards them, while continuing to really enjoy my current role.
Lastly, continuing to break unhealthy cycles in relationships, as well as to use boundaries effectively to protect my family and my peace/sanity, are achievements that I am especially proud of this year.
9. What was your biggest failure? I still struggle at times with taking some of my difficult feelings and emotions out on Bob and the kids. I usually apologize in real time, as I realize what I am doing. That said, I continue to work on being more self aware and doing that less. Also, I learned the hard way, being back in the traditional workforce, that not all colleagues (not unlike family and friends) can be trusted with confidences. It was a painful reminder to be more careful and intentional with what and whom I chose to share things that I do not necessarily want others to know.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing beyond seasonal allergies and colds, which are not fun and also not horrible. Though I took many COVID rapid tests and some loved ones (who managed to avoid getting it until May) did get it, I still never did. I credit a mix of my being cautious/taking appropriate precautions and luck, as there were a few times I was surprised to not get it, when some around me did.
11. What were the best thing(s) you bought? Our new home in Evanston!!! Tickets to live music/concerts and theater/musicals performances! Bob and I finally got to see Barenaked Ladies, Gin Blossoms, and Toad the Wet Sprocket, in their “Last Summer on Earth Tour,” at Chicago Theatre, two years after we were originally scheduled to on June 27th! It was a wonderfully exhausting and nostalgic four hours of dancing/singing along/rocking out with all three bands — who are awesome live and so much fun!!! Gail and I got to see Indigo Girls and Garrison Star at the Cahn Auditorium in Evanston on November 21st. Gail and I won the Broadway in Chicago Lottery three times this year (Come From Away on February 24th, Six on April 10th and Dear Evan Hansen on December 30th)!!! Our family of four also got to see Hadestown on my 47th birthday in Chicago on March 6th, Good Night Oscar on March 31st at the Goodman Theatre (in its pre-Broadway run) and The Prom in Chicago on April 21st!!
Lastly, we bought an original painting created by my childhood friend, Danila. D and I met in middle school at Haven in Evanston in the late 80s, where Gail goes now. We lost touch for awhile after high school and reconnected through social media when Facebook came around. I’ve enjoyed following D’s journey as an artist and when she started selling some of her work I browsed her website, considering which piece I might want, if I were to buy one. There was one piece in particular, called “Many Moons,” that I had my eye on for awhile. I decided to purchase last summer and am excited that I get to display it in our new home here in our hometown of Evanston. We had it custom framed at The Great Frame up on Central St. in Evanston. I brought Gail with me to pick out the frame and matting, which was fun and nostalgic, as I recall doing that with my mom when I was around their age now. Two other fun and special things about why D’s piece, “Many Moons,” speaks to me: #1 – My favorite line/lyrics from “All Mixed Up” by 311 is “many moons” and when I saw she named her piece that, I thought of it immediately and #2 – I knew exactly where I wanted to hang it — over or near the record player in our living room, as the black arcs remind me of records in some ways too. You can check out D’s work and even purchase some of her art here: http://danilarumold.com/.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My peers and I who are navigating this “sandwich generation” stage of life when we are balancing parenting older children/teenagers and being more involved in the lives of our older parents, many of whom are dealing with a lot of health issues. Also, Bob and the kids for navigating and adapting well with the huge transitions that we faced this year, mostly related to our move back to my hometown of Evanston. Navigating our move wasn’t easy for me either and (recognizing that it was mostly my idea) I am especially appreciative that they helped to make it happen without too much complaining.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Fox News (and related media/ propaganda outlets), as well as all those who buy what they are selling, Trump and all those who support him/parrott his talking points, Kanye West, Elon Musk and the conservative Supreme Court Justices that were given lifetime appointments during Trump’s presidency, who have begun to tear apart important civil and human rights protections that previously existed under federal laws, especially a woman’s/person’s right to choose/make decisions about her/their own body, including to have an abortion without the government getting involved or having a say. I know that was a ridiculously long run on sentence, with questionable punctuation, and I don’t care enough to fix it.
14. Where did most of your money go? Our new house in E-town and Sean’s first semester at Marquette University!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving back to my hometown of Evanston, including living so close to my mom! Live music and theater! Spending time in person with loved ones without masks! Reconnecting/spending time/deepening my relationships with some childhood friends since we moved back E-town, including those who also live here and others who were visiting their parents or for other reasons! One of those childhood friends “C” is from Sweden. C’s family moved here for a few years when we were in 4th grade in 1984 and we have kept in touch off and on since they moved back in 1987. C visited in late September and getting to spend time with her, along with another childhood friend of ours, was so special. I’d really like to visit C in Sweden sometime in the not too distant future.
Lastly, getting to see/hear two awesome writers as part of Northwestern University’s One Book, One Northwestern program in person on our Evanston Campus!! On May 4th, I got to see attorney, advocate, author and founder/executive director of the Equal Justice Initiative, Bryan Stevenson give an awesome and inspiring Keynote speech in honor of his book/NU’s One Book, One Northwestern 2020-21 selection: Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption, which was also adapted into a movie. The event was rescheduled because of the pandemic. I had read the book in January 2020 and then saw the movie with my family. It was the last one all four of us saw in a theater together before COVID.
I had so many takeaways from Stevenson’s Keynote, as well as a short Q & A that he did with Jennifer Lackey, Director of the Northwestern Prison Education Program and Professor of Philosophy. I managed to jot down some notes towards the end. These were his four steps to change the world/fight injustice:
#1: Get proximate
#2: Change the narrative
#3: Stay hopeful
#4: Do uncomfortable and inconvenient things
If you haven’t read Just Mercy or seen the movie, I highly recommend both. I also want to take my family to Montgomery, Alabama, in the not too distant future, to see The Legacy Museum, as well as The National Memorial for Peace and Justice, which were both brought to fruition by the Equal Justice Initiative.
On October 18th, I was totally starstruck to get to meet Clint Smith, after his awesome Northwestern One Book 2022-2023 Keynote/Discussion, with One Book faculty chair and History professor Leslie Harris, about his narrative non-fiction book How the Word is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America. The line wasn’t very long when I got out of the loo, so I waited to say, “thank you,” and for him to sign my bookmark! I didn’t realize Clint was going to be signing things or I’d have brought my copy of his book from home. Also, I am going to what I wrote in June 2021, the day after I finished reading How the Word is Passed for the first time, which I found and made me want to read it again soon.
“What would it take? What does it take for you to confront a false history, even if it means having to fundamentally reexamine who you are and who your family has been? Just because something is difficult to accept, doesn’t mean you should refuse to accept it. Just because someone tells you a story, doesn’t make that story true.”
~ Clint Smith (How the Word is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America)
🔹 I finished this incredible book yesterday (6/21/22) and cannot recommend it enough. I think it should be required reading for high school students, not to mention teachers, and anyone else who wants to better understand the history of slavery in America. I wish/hope everyone I know reads it ASAP, though I get that those who would most benefit might be the least likely to do so, which is sad/disheartening. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🔹 It helped me, as a white women, to Imagine reading this book from the perspective of someone whose ancestors were enslaved, living in a country that chooses not to tell/teach the whole/full story. Context matters… 💭
🔹 I also appreciate using analogies, as Smith does, between Hitler/Natzis/Jewish people and slave owners/confederate leaders/soldiers/enslaved people/Black people. As, if you insert the former for the latter it seems more present day Americans would be outraged. We’ve been socialized to be somewhat numb to the reality of our country’s history and the way things are memorialized. 🔎
🔹 For example, there are prisons in America with disproportionate populations of those who were oppressed and abused, built on top of places where humans of that same race/ethnicity were beaten and killed. It is hard to imagine there being prisons built on the land where concentration camps were, with inmates disproportionately made up of Jewish people in Europe, however that is a reality in present day America. 💔
🔹 This is another book that kept calling Maya Angelou’s quote “When you know better, do better,” to mind for me.💡
🔹 We cannot change the past, regardless of what roles our ancestors had in bringing our country to where it is today. We can change the future, starting with being truthful about the history of the United States and our role in perpetuating systems of White Supremacy today. White Supremacy must be dismantled/disentangled from every aspect of of our society. This is painful work and it is more than worth it. 📣📚🔎💡❤️🌎⚖️
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2022? “Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell, “Handle with Care” by the Traveling Wilburys (and performed live by Barenaked Ladies, Gin Blossoms and Toad the Wet Sprocket), “Good Life” by Barenaked Ladies and all the songs on Taylor Swift’s new Midnights (3:00 a.m. Edition) album.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? fatter… Though I don’t love this part of this Rewind exercise and am considering taking it out of my annual reflections. I will say, that for being “fatter” than this time last year, I don’t feel particularly bad about that, as I might have previously/earlier in my life. I exercise daily and try to eat relatively healthy. Though I would like to lose/shed weight, I am not fixated on that goal, as I have been in the past. The main reason I would like to get back to where I was pre-pandemic (which was about 30 lbs. lighter) is so that the clothes I was able to wear back then, that I really like, would fit me again. I also like how I look better at or near that weight. However, I recognize now, more so than before, that I was/we are conditioned to believe that beauty includes being thinner and that doesn’t necessarily equal healthy. I exercise first and foremost to feel good in my mind, body and spirit and to be stronger. I continue to give myself grace and do what works for me as far as my body goes. This year I continued to buy new clothes that fit me better, especially for work, as opposed to trying to wear things that are too small and not as flattering, and if I never get back to wearing what I was able to in late 2019/early 2020, I am okay with that too, and may donate some of those things down the road.
c) richer or poorer? (technically) richer and “house poor(er)”
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Travel and spend time with friends who I haven’t seen in awhile
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spend money
20. How did you spend Christmas in 2022? On Christmas Eve we drove to Bob’s sister’s home, where we celebrated with our Benson family, as we often do. En route we stopped at Dad’s and Molly’s graves, which is becoming part our holiday routine when we are spending time in the SW suburbs with Bob’s parents and siblings at one of their homes. We had a delicious turkey dinner, the cousins/grandkids (the oldest now being 20 and the youngest having just turned 11) acted out the nativity play (a longstanding tradition directed by their grandma), we exchanged gifts, enjoyed lots of yummy desserts and good conversation. One of my favorite memories is one of our nieces playing the piano, as some of us sat in Bob’s sister’s front room and chatted, towards the end of our evening together.
On Christmas Day we hosted our Axe family at our new home, along with Bob’s parents and close family friends the H family. It was the first time we’d hosted a group this big since December 2019 (pre-pandemic) and it was both really nice and bittersweet, since Dad was not with us. It wasn’t our first Christmas since he died, but it was still hard. We served HoneyBaked Ham which we all really enjoy and Dad especially loved. We made delicious homemade macaroni and cheese, to serve as one of the sides, along with cornbread, honey butter sauce, and french style green beans. We decided to try the mac and cheese for the first time, in lieu of au gratin potatoes. We did a test drive making the mac and cheese the week before, as I don’t like trying something for the first time on a holiday, in case it doesn’t go well. The mac and cheese was a huge hit and will likely be part of the Christmas dinner line up, especially if we are serving HoneyBaked Ham, going forward. Bob’s mom brought yummy cookies. One member of the H family was born and raised in England and often brings “crackers” for us to break open and enjoy after dinner. We all get a kick out of wearing the crowns, seeing the little toys inside and reading some of the jokes and trivia included.
It was also our first Christmas in 19 years, since Sean was born, that both of our children admittedly no longer *believed* and thus our immediate family’s celebration had a different and somewhat more relaxing vibe. We had suspected that Gail likely didn’t believe anymore, though they had not come to us to say so. Bob and I debated whether to let it be or talk with Gail about it, so that we could move on to a new phase of our family’s life around how we celebrate. We opted to bring it up over dinner one night, after Sean had come home from college for Winter Break. It was a really good conversation and Gail indicated they hoped we would bring up, which we found interesting and affirming.
Christmas Eve and Christmas morning definitely felt different without some of the traditions we were all used to around Santa and our Elf George. However, we did assure the kids that if there is anything they want to us continue related to the magic of Christmas between now and when we might welcome young believers into our home again in the more distant future, we are open to that — for fun! Gail was especially excited to be able to touch George and got a kick out of moving him around in the days following Christmas, since he didn’t have to leave on Christmas Eve. Bob and I also appreciated not having to stay up late after we got home from our celebration with our Benson family that night.
21. Did you fall in love in 2022? I fell in love (again) with my hometown, especially after we moved back here and started to settle in! We’ve taken so many beautiful walks and bike rides around town, including many by the lake at sunrise — which is so good for my soul. I’ve missed living this close to a body of water and it is one of the many things I am soaking in (both literally and figuratively) as much as I am able.
22. What was/were your favorite TV program(s)? The First Lady, The Bear, Atlas of the Heart, Welcome to Wrexham, The Crown: Season 5, Cobra Kai, White Lotus: Seasons 1 & 2, As We See It, Emily in Paris (we rewatched Seasons 1 and 2 with the kids, which we all really enjoyed and then watched Season 3, which we didn’t love, but was still fun) and Real Sports.
23. What did you do for your birthday in 2022? Thanks to what I shared on Facebook and Instagram back then, this question is easier for me to answer, as I can revisit my posts, which jogs my memory about the details of how I celebrated my special day. Some of my answer to this question is adapted from my FB and IG posts, as I have also done for other questions in this/my Rewind 2022. That said, it would be hard to forget getting to wake up for the first time in our new home in Evanston. It was an awesome way to start my 47th Birthday on March 6th! Our house did feel out of sorts, with so many boxes, furniture and stuff everywhere, but we were so glad to be here and knew we would get organized/settle in over time.
I’ve wanted to see Hadestown since early 2020, when we bought tickets for my mom, Gail and I to see it with the Original Broadway Cast during our planned (and eventually cancelled) trip to NYC in July that year. I love the story and OBC recording so much and was so excited to finally get to see it (with the North American Tour Cast) on my 47th Birthday with Bob, Sean and Gail! It was the only thing that I asked/wanted for my 47th Birthday (we got the tickets before we found our new house) and as crazy/chaotic as the surrounding few weeks felt with the move, I am glad we didn’t cancel our plans to see it that day!
After Bob, the kids and I went to see the matinee of Hadestown, we picked up my mom and went out to dinner for my birthday at Double Clutch Brewery, one of the many awesome breweries/restaurants in E-town. My NU office holiday party was held there in December 2021 (before Omicron really took off) and I’d been wanting to return/introduce Bob ever since. Double Clutch has one signature beer in particular that I was craving, their Märzen. However, they happened to be out of it, so we had to wait to have that until Fall. I ended up having a pint of their Altbier, which I really enjoyed. We ordered an appetizer of their pierogis, which were yummy and reminiscent of our trip to Poland in November 2019 (where we ate lots of them). My mom and I both got brats for our entrées, which were really good!
After my birthday dinner at Double Clutch Brewery that night, we went back to our new home with mom for cake. My mother-in-law had made it (a yummy lemon flavored one) for me and brought it on Saturday, when my father-in-law and she were helping us with the move, which was really kind/thoughtful. Then we brought my mom home. It is so awesome to be living so close to Mom again and it was a bittersweet day, being my first birthday since my dad died. I felt especially sad when Mom called that morning to sing “Happy Birthday” to me. Of course, I appreciated my mom calling to sing and it was the first time in my life that Mom and Dad didn’t call to sing it me together or do so in person on my birthday.
24. What was/were the best book(s) you read and podcasts that you listened to? I read/finished 19 books in 2022 (some I had started in 2021). I am often reading/listening (via Libro.fm) to more than one Audiobook at a time. 13 of the books were non-fiction and six were fiction. Of the six fiction books, four were for one of the books clubs that I am in, that meets via Zoom. I appreciate that the books clubs that I am in move me to read books I might not have otherwise. My favorite books this year were: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown, We Do This `Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice by Mariame Kaba, Heartbreak: A Personal Scientific Journey by Florence Williams and Burnout: The Secret of Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski. I highly recommend all of them and especially encourage you to check out the last one, which was my final read of 2022. It was so good that I bought many copies to gift loved ones during the holiday season and if I could afford to buy a copy for everyone I know, I probably would. It is/was life changing for me and I know that I will revisit it and likely reread it soon.
I continue to love listening to podcasts, especially my favorites We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle (that I rarely miss) and Unlocking Us with Brene Brown. Others that I really enjoyed this year include: The Trojan Horse Affair, All There Is with Anderson Cooper, Bone Valley, The Man Enough Podcast, Rolling Stone: Music Now and The Crown: The Official Podcast.
25. What did you want and get? To buy a new home/move back to my hometown of Evanston!!!
26. What did you want and not get? To travel, especially back to Europe… However, there was a direct correlation between #25 coming to fruition and #26 not.
27. What was/were your favorite film(s) of this year? The Adam Project, CODA (three times, because it is so good), Downton Abbey: A New Era, Top Gun: Maverick and She Said.
28. Did you make some new friends this year? I made new friends a work especially via my involvement with the Association of Northwestern University Women (ANUW) and through participating in professional development opportunities/training. I also made some new friends through the Evanston White Anti-Racist Group (WAG) that I joined in June, as well as the Zoom Book Club that I am in. I reconnected with old friends in E-town, because they live here or were visiting, which in some ways felt like having new friends, as we got reacquainted after years of not being in touch as much. Also, through the pandemic I feel like I became more of an introvert and find that certain social situations that I used to really enjoy to be more draining now. When I mention that to Bob, he’ll often comment that it might also be an “occupational hazard” of this age and stage of life that we are at — we truly don’t have/find much time to get together with friends. I can see how that will likely change as we and our teenage children get older.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I feel like a broken record and I will say it again, travel, especially back to Europe. It is highly unlikely that I or we will make it back to Europe in 2023, however we do have a big Benson family vacation planned to Maui this summer, to celebrate my in-law’s milestone anniversary, which we are looking forward to. Bob and I have not been back since we honeymooned there in 2000 and it will be fun to return/introduce the kids to Hawaii.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022? Whatever fits! One of my colleagues recently described one of my outfits as “Fancy Hippy” (I was wearing my sparkly Birkenstocks) and I took it as a compliment! The same colleague is really into wearing fun broaches, which has caught on and I’ve found myself wearing the few I have for the first time in a long time. Another colleague shared a while back that blazers are/were having a “moment” and then the women in our office started commenting/joking around when one of us would wear one. Now between our blazers and broaches, we all get a kick out of seeing what creative outfits we come up with on the days when more of us are in the office, especially Wednesdays, vs. working remotely.
Also, our new home is really close to a TJ Maxx, where I have gotten a lot of “scavenger hunt finds,” since you never really know what you might get there. I also enjoy shopping at Kohls, Prana, Loft and Old Navy. After being back in the traditional workforce for over a year now, more of my wardrobe has morphed into business casual, which I didn’t have a lot of during the 18 years I was primarily a SAHM.
31. What kept you sane? Therapy until we moved to Evanston, though I haven’t touched base with my longtime therapist since. Though we could’ve kept up via telehealth, they are not a big fan of that/prefer in person sessions, and I was ready for a change. So I ended opting for a clean break, knowing if I really felt the need for support, that I could/would reach out. I have not prioritized connecting with a new therapist yet and it is something that I definitely plan to do soon/in this new year.
A handful of friends on social media, most of whom I know in person, that I connect with semi-regularly through our shared interest in podcasts and books is validating for me. I also appreciate connecting with some friends in person, though our get togethers are few and far between at this stage of life. A group of college friends has an ongoing text thread/group chat that I appreciate. Did I mention listening to podcasts and audiobooks?!
Also, after our workouts every morning, when I don’t have somewhere that I have to be right away (such as arrive early at work/the office for a meeting or special event), I typically take time to myself during which I listen to either my Sara Bareilles Pandora radio station or my Indigo Girls Pandora radio station, while watching the Amazon Fire Stick screensaver photo slideshow, that highlights gorgeous locations from around the world, some of which I have been to and/or have special meaning to me, as well as some that I now very much want to experience/see in person someday. During this time I also often do my after-workout posts that I share on Instagram, on my Fit & Healthy with Coach Kathy Facebook page and in the accountability/support groups that I continue to facilitate for my longtime clients/friends.
Lastly, Bob helps keep me sane and I know that I contribute significantly to his sanity as well. I feel very lucky to have a husband/spouse/partner who is also truly my best friend. I am sure that navigating “these times,” especially this last year, has been more bearable because we did so together in ways that work for us, which continues to evolve with each passing year. We celebrated 22 years of marriage and 26 years since we met/began dating in September.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Glennon, Abby and Amanda via their We Can Do Hard Things podcast, along with so many of their special guests, continued to be the trio that most influenced my worldview and ability to navigate life well in 2022! I also really appreciated Anderson Cooper’s new podcast about his experience with grief, as well as his guests. I was also fascinated by Harry and Megan’s documentary about their experiences being part of and then breaking away from the Royal Family in the UK. Though I know this is supposed to be about 2022, I will share that I am currently reading/listening to Prince Harry’s memoir “Spare,” which I find equally, if not more, intriguing.
33. What political issue(s) stirred you the most? Racism continues to be a big one for me, especially systemic/institutional racism. I really appreciate having been able to join a White Anti-Racist Group (WAG) here in Evanston, which meets monthly, that connected me with others who are committed to interrupting racism and taking action to build a more equitable community for everyone who lives here. I also joined the book club for parents at Gail’s middle school, Haven, that has an anti-racist focus. We are reading The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together by Heather McGhee slowly, one chapter and meeting per month. I have gotten a lot out of the book and our group discussions.
Roe v. Wade being overturned is another issue I feel strongly and angry about. It is also one that my perspective on has evolved on over the the course of my adult life. I used to claim that I was pro-choice for others and pro-life for myself. Now I feel adamantly that anyone/everyone should have the ability to get an abortion for any reason they may need or want one and that it is not for others to dictate or restrict access to. I don’t have the bandwidth to do much about it at this time in my life and I am grateful to all those who do. So much of addressing these important civil and human rights issues are like training for/running marathons, more than sprints, as they say. I am careful not to overextend myself, so that I don’t burnout, and tag in/out as I need/am able to.
34. Who did you miss? I missed my loved ones who have died (some more recently than others) including: Dad, Molly, Sam, Steph, Aunt Denny, Fr. Bill and my grandparents. I also missed my close friends and family members that I didn’t get to see/spend time with in person or as often as I would’ve liked to.
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022.
WORDS MATTER!
I deepened my understanding of why calling people the names they prefer and using the pronouns they identify with shows our love, care and respect for them.
Also, having words/the vocabulary to describe how we feel and what we think is key. Two of the books that I read/listened to really helped me to grasp the importance this: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown and Burnout: The Secret of Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski. Having a more extensive vocabulary also helps so much when it comes to parenting and navigating our bodies (including sex and perimenopause/menopause).
As I’ve already mentioned elsewhere in this post, cycle breaking is something I continue to do as it seems/feels appropriate. I find myself facing such opportunities as a parent, adult child and in other relationships that are both very meaningful to/for me and also difficult to navigate at times. It’s never too late to break cycles/disrupt the status quo and it is so important.
I am learning to trust myself/my intuition/my knowing more. This includes paying attention to how my body feels and what it is/might be telling me.
We don’t have to earn rest! Life is about so much more than trying to be productive and get things done. This has been a hard one for me to unlearn. I try to focus on slowing down and listening to what my body, as well as mind, needs at any given moment. The idea of “doing the next right thing,” also resonates with and works for me, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed and/or burnt out.
When I am feeling stressed/overwhelmed by the challenges of being me at 47, I try to remind myself that every age and stage of life has both wonderful and extremely difficult experiences and feelings to navigate. I also remember that more than one thing can be true at the same time (the concept of “both/and”).
To paraphrase Glennon Doyle, “I am not crazy, I am paying attention!” I also try to remind myself of that when I feel like I might overreacting to something that is happening (especially when deep down I know that I am not actually overreacting about whatever that might be).
Along with paying attention, I tried to make much of 2022 intentional, while recognizing that good intentions aren’t enough. I strive to be aware of the impact that my words and actions may have on others, as well as myself.
I am going to end with the same words that I wrote/we chose to wrap up our family’s 2022 holiday greeting/card/letter that we sent last month, along with the front of our family’s holiday card, with some of our favorite pictures from a session we had with a professional photographer back in July on the NU campus, near the lakefront/Clark St. Beach in Evanston:
Amongst the things we hope for and dream about, as we head into 2023, is a world without horrible illnesses and diseases, including cancer, Parkinson’s and many others that make people’s lives so painful and often end them prematurely. We also know this time of year can make us feel both connected and lonely. A reminder that, despite what our minds say sometimes, we are not alone. 2022 brought a new resource to the US, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Anyone can call or text 988 anytime on behalf of ourselves or loved ones or go to 988lifeline.org if/when that sounds helpful. We send this with so much love and comfort, wherever this holiday season finds you. We hope however and whatever you celebrate brings some joy and peace.
Thank you for being part of my life in 2022!
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