Yeah, I still watch Grey’s Anatomy.
I caught up on last Thursday’s episode this morning, watching via an app on my phone, while getting things done around the house.
Side note: How futuristic would that sound to teenage me, who made mixtapes to listen to on my boom box and Walkman?!
Once again, the writers worked their magic and gave an analogy that really spoke to me. This time is was about our role as parents, especially when our children get older.
And in rewinding and transcribing, as I do, when parts of episodes move me, I noticed that this theme, of the advice that our mothers and others’ mother give us, ran throughout the show, not just the scene I am going to share about.
This scene took place with Lexi, Meredith Grey’s sister-in-law, and Owen’s (her ex-husband, who she is kind of back together with now) mom.
For those who don’t watch the show, Lexi and Owen are helping to raise a baby and his teenage mother, who is a recovering drug addict. The young woman lives with them and earlier in the episode Lexi and Owen discussed how they were raised differently by their single mothers, after both of their fathers died unexpectedly young.
Lexi shared that her mom coped with her grief by letting her do whatever she wanted and Owen said that his mom ran a tight ship and didn’t let him get away with anything. Lexi commented how well Owen turned out and then she apparently called his mom and asked for a visit, so they could chat.
In this scene they are talking about how Lexi is struggling in her role as guardian to the young woman/mother, who she thinks had a relapse and did some drugs.
Lexi: I’m trying to be whatever she needs.
Owen’s Mom: She needs a damn mother, sounds like.
Lexi: So I should push it.
Owen’s Mom: You’re building a boat.
Lexi: A boat.
Owen’s Mom: It’s what I used to tell Owen’s dad. They’re gonna sail away from us, I said, its inevitable. Our job is to build a boat strong enough that, when they decide to, they can get back to us safely.
As Bob and I do our best to navigate parenting 15-year-old Sean and 9-year-old Abby, I found inspiration in that image.
After Bob and I had been dating for a while, we began discussing getting engaged and what our marriage/raising a family might be like together. I also happened to be in grad school at U of I and so we were in a distance relationship, though Champaign isn’t that far from Chicago, and were able to see each other often on the weekends.
Many weeknights or weekends, when we weren’t in the same city, we’d talk for hours over the phone. We covered a lot of ground, including various scenarios related to how we might approach parenting. I wanted to be sure we were mostly on the same page, when it came to many of the issues I felt were important, before taking the leap of faith that is engagement and marriage.
One night, after I had given Bob another, “If this happened or they (our hypothetical children) did that, what would you do?” question to ponder and answer, he paused. Then he replied, something to the effect of, what’s really important is not that we know exactly how we might handle any given sticky situation our kids might get themselves into. What matters, he said, is they know how much we love them and that they can come to us under any circumstances and we will help/be there for them.
Yeah, you can see one of the many reasons I wanted to marry and spend my life with this guy.
I’ve always kept that wisdom in mind, especially during the moments when I know I am not making the best choices as a mom, in my efforts to help Sean and Abby become the best versions of themselves.
Bob’s advice back then is similar to Owen’s mom’s about building a strong enough boat, so our children know they can always come back to us safely for support.
Parenting and building boats isn’t easy. I hope where ever this finds you, if you are raising a child(ren), at any age and stage of life, that you find some comfort and inspiration in this analogy too.
I wish you well on your parenting journey. I also hope and pray that all of our offspring have the strength to know they can return to us any time they want or need our love and support.
{ 0 comments… add one now }