There’s nothing like a health scare to get you thinking about and looking at life, especially your own body, differently.

That was certainly my experience during the five years we struggled with secondary infertility, pregnancy loss, and neonatal death.

I often found myself questioning our circumstances.

Why me?

Why us?

Why now?

Why isn’t my body doing what it is supposed to do?

Why isn’t building our family going as we anticipated and hoped it would?

Such is life.

There will always be periods of difficulty and uncertainty.

In those moments we do the best we can, with the information we have, at the time.

And many try to find humor in the midst of pain and confusion.

I know I have found much comfort through comic relief during challenging times.

Take today…

I had gotten out of the shower and was looking at myself in the mirror.

And knowing that my surgery is scheduled for March 21st, I was imagining how my breasts, specifically my left breast, will look after the (likely benign) phyllodes tumor and a margin of tissue around it is removed.

My breasts are not the same size.

Apparently that is fairly common, but I didn’t know that for many years.

I’ve joked that if I ever had plastic surgery, which I have no intentions of doing, that it would be to make them the more symmetrical. Though my preference would probably be to make the smaller one bigger, even making the larger one the same size as the other would be okay with me.

For some reason, in the midst of this recent breast care scare, I got it in my head that my left breast was the smaller one. I am not sure why I thought that or why I didn’t take the time to look and/or feel to confirm my memory sooner.

And so I had started to bemoan (to myself, Bob, and a few other loved ones), that now my mismatched breasts are going to have even less symmetry, after my lumpectomy/wide excision surgery.

So you can imagine my surprise and joy when I realized that I was wrong!

My left breast is the bigger one!

Talk about a silver lining…

This surgery might actually make my breasts MORE symmetrical and closer to the same size!!!

It’s the little things.

In the midst of fear and anxiety,

Finding these bright sides,

Being able to focus on simple pleasures,

And find humor in these small moments,

Means so much.

Are you able to find comic relief during difficult and uncertain times in your life?

Are there any parts of your body that are asymmetrical?

What is a silver lining you have found recently during a challenge you were facing?





{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 April February 17, 2016 at 10:31 pm

Well, that’s something!

My ankles don’t match at all since an injury ten years ago.
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2 RoseAnn February 20, 2016 at 8:49 pm

I feel terrible for falling behind on your blog and just now realizing what you are going through. You will be in my thoughts as you approach surgery! I hope that your recovery is swift and complete!

In answer to your questions, I worry sometimes that my humor response kicks in *too* quickly in times of crisis. My brother experienced a life-threatening experience several years ago and I had to be careful who I was around before I started cracking jokes. My family understood but others gave me looks that indicated they thought I was an insensitive freak.

My eyes are asymmetrical. One eyelid is more ‘droopy’ than the other. I only really notice it when looking at photos of myself (like my recent passport photo); it’s opposite what I see when I look in the mirror and that emphasizes it to me!

I am the queen of silver linings. I can’t think of a specific one from recently but I’ve been laid off twice in my career and both times I was able to see benefits to the situation before the day was out.


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