Time Warp Tuesday: Heroes

by Kathy on October 18, 2011 · 6 comments

in Family, FET #1, Hope, Infertility, Inspiration, Loss, Pain, Time Warp Tuesdays, Writing

Let’s do the Time Warp again!

Welcome to the fourth installment of my new blog hop/writing exercise called Time Warp Tuesday here on Four of a Kind!

In case you missed my original post about this, here is the background of how and why I came up with the idea. If you are here to participate and link up your post, you can do so with the Linky Tools at the end of this post (or if you have any difficulty using it, you can share the link to your post in the comment section here).

The gist of Time Warp Tuesday is to revisit and share some of our favorite blog entries from our archives and reflect on our journeys since we wrote them.

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The theme for this week’s Time Warp Tuesday is: Heroes

In my post last week I encouraged participants to choose a post from your archives where you wrote about one of your heroes, someone that has inspired you and/or a person that made a significant difference in your life. It can be someone that you knew personally or someone that you admired from a far. Then write a new post on your blog about why you chose it and what has happen in your life since.

In my introduction to this week’s prompt, I shared about how Mel from Stirrup Queen’s (yes, I get a lot of inspiration from her and reading her blog) wrote a truly awesome post the previous week on the day that Steve Jobs passed away. If you haven’t read it, you can do so here. It may be my favorite post that she has ever written. It moved me that much. The blog entry is about Mel and her husband’s experience telling their son that his hero had died. It is a moving tribute to the visionary who brought so many wonderful ideas to our world and inspired this week’s topic.

Participants can write about whatever you want in your new blog entries. However, for those who might have needed some help and inspiration to get started, I shared some questions to consider:

Why did you pick this post? Has your perspective changed since the day you wrote your original post? Do you still consider this person to be one of your heroes? Why or why not? If you know your hero personally, how has your relationship changed or evolved since you wrote your original post? If you don’t have a personal relationship with your hero, have you ever met them or would you want to spend time with them, if given the chance? Do you think you would still feel the same way now if you were writing it today? What have you learned about yourself, your family and your life since you wrote your original post?

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Time Warp Tuesday: Heroes

This was probably the hardest prompt that I have encountered since I kicked off Time Warp Tuesdays last month. I really like the idea of this topic, but I also chose it knowing that I have never written a post directly about any of my heroes. I thought it would be a good challenge for me to find something from my archives that could relate to this week’s theme. As I started to go back through my old blog entries I realized that though I never wrote a post using the term hero or heroes to describe those who have inspired me or made a significant difference in my life, there are plenty of times when I talked about people that have had a very positive influence on me and who helped to shape the woman that I am today.

It was difficult for me to choose just one post to highlight and reflect on this week, especially when I realized that the two I had narrowed it down to each featured one of my parents, both of whom have been incredible role models to me throughout my life, and yes, I consider them to be two of my heroes. So though I do not intend to do this very often with Time Warp, you are getting a two for one today!

Here are the links to the two posts that I chose. One deals with advice that I received verbally (from my mom) and the other by example (from my dad):

Feed the Feeders 

and

“I’m that Someone.” 

Please go and read the posts that I am reflecting on today (and comment if you choose), if you haven’t already, and then come back here to see what I have to say about my journey since I wrote them.

***Here is where you left off before you stopped to read my old posts.***

I wrote the first postFeed the Feeders, over four years ago, when we were preparing to start our fourth Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) cycle during which we would try our first Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). I was burning out on the process, as well as the emotional roller coaster ride that accompanied each new cycle. However, I wasn’t ready to give hope or on trying to expand our family.

Its interesting to get a glimpse into my mindset back then, as I was very sensitive, emotionally fragile and easily hurt by the things that people in my life would do or say related to our struggle with secondary infertility and loss. I think I understood that most of our friends and family had good intentions, but sadly at times I believe that I was also paranoid enough to wonder if some were actually trying to cause me pain and sadness by not showing me the thoughtfulness and compassion that I felt that I deserved.

I would love to say that three years later I am so much stronger and more mature than when I wrote this post. I wish I could tell you that I took my mom’s wonderful advice to focus more of my energy and attention on those in my life who “feed” me and less on those who always “eat,” while rarely showing me any care or concern in return. I can say that I have made progress, that I reflect on my mother’s advice to “feed the feeders” often, but I still struggle to give my friends and family members the benefit of the doubt sometimes and it still bothers me when people in my life don’t return the love and support that I “feed” them.

I realize that we are all “works in progress” and throughout my life there seem to be certain lessons that I find myself trying to learn over and over again. This seems to be one of them. As a people-pleaser it really bothers me when another person doesn’t seem to like me or at least show me the respect that I believe that I deserve. Ironically it especially bothers me if that person happens to be someone that I do not really like or respect much. So reading and reflecting on this post today is a welcome reminder for me to try to “feed the feeders” and not spend so much time paying attention to those who are only “eaters” in my life. As I said the day I wrote my original post, I am very grateful for all of the feeders that I am blessed with in my life and know that many of you who will read and comment on this post are some of my most thoughtful and caring feeders (thank you).

I wrote the second post“I’m that Someone”earlier this year as one of my weekly (and going forward monthly) Perfect Moment Monday blog entries. Mel from Stirrup Queens ended up choosing to feature it in her blog round up and this is was she had to say about it: A moving post about taking the statistical bullet and pairs it with a story about her father that will make you rethink the whole start of the post where she explains that she is that someone in the sentence, “it has to happen to someone.”  It is about re-examining suffering from two different angles.

Though I didn’t write this blog entry very long ago, it is one that I am very proud of and I appreciate how much it spoke to and resonated with others. Ironically the women’s retreat that I mention preparing for in this post is now only weeks away from taking place. Back then my fellow team members and I were just starting to really get to know each other and in the early stages of our formation and planning for this event. Six months later, we have formed a strong bond and are ready to welcome a new group of retreat participants to whom we will “pay it forward,” as those who “gave” our retreat did for us. 

Though both parts of this original post mean a lot and were very inspirational to me, for the purpose of this week’s Time Warp topic of “Heroes,” I am choosing to focus more on the second part, in which I shared about something my dad did many years ago, that I hadn’t heard about much before writing “I’m that Someone.”

Over the years I have heard so many stories of my parents’ life before my sister and I came along, however I was surprised that I didn’t recall ever hearing this one, or at least this part of my dad’s reasoning and choice to leave graduate school at a time and an age that it was both possible and very likely that he would get drafted into the armed forces and then end up stationed in Vietnam during the war (which is exactly what happened). As I shared in my post:

I was moved by my dad’s selflessness in this situation, especially as a newlywed who had his entire marriage, family life and career ahead of him. I also was impressed that my dad took the idea of being “that someone” a step further, from thinking of it as a way to “make sense of” or “find some good in” the challenges and tough decisions that we face in life to actually choosing to put yourself in a dangerous, uncomfortable or even painful situation in order to spare another human being from the possibility of suffering.

I continue to be so moved by and impressed with my dad’s actions and intentions at that time in his life, which I hope gives you a glimpse of the very special man that is my father. Six months later it warms my heart to reflect on my words, which I think hold true:

Though much of the time we do not get to choose whether or not we want to be “that someone,” I do appreciate the idea that we can find some peace, comfort and meaning in believing that by being “that someone,” we might in some way be able to spare another human being from having to experience significantly more pain and suffering in their lives.

As I continue to work on my witness (it is true, I am still not finished) for the retreat early next month, I have been reflecting on the people in my life that have “been that someone” for me, including those who have helped me to become a better person, women, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and Christian. I recently wrote this about my parents, as a part of my witness that I will share on the retreat: 

I don’t remember a time when I didn’t feel comfortable being open and honest with (my parents) about my life, my feelings, my hopes, my fears and my dreams. As an adult I feel blessed that I consider them to be two of my best friends, which I realize is not the case for many adult child and parent relationships.

After reflecting on this and the two posts that I chose to highlight today, you can see what an incredibly positive influence that my mom and my dad have been on me throughout my life. Neither of my parents are perfect and have never professed to be, but they were the perfect parents for me to be blessed with. My mom and my dad have both lived very full and wonderful lives throughout which they have been amazing examples of how to walk the walk, as much or more than they talk the talk. If that isn’t a great definition of what it means to be heroes, at least my heroes, I don’t know what is. 

Thank you for reading and for doing the Time Warp with me this week. I look forward to your feedback about this post, as well as reading and commenting on all of yours. Please feel free to comment even if you didn’t write your own Time Warp Tuesday post this week. It is not too late to participate if you are interested, click here for the details.

Below you will find next week’s topic and I hope that you will join me back here on Tuesday when we “do the Time Warp again!”

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The topic for next week’s Time Warp Tuesday is: Resolution

Five years ago, when we were in the midst of our struggle with secondary infertility and loss, I was in therapy to help me learn ways to cope with this difficult and uncertain time in our life. The very first session that I went to with my therapist she told me, “this will be resolved.” I found her statement to be very comforting, but I also wondered how long it might actually take for me to reach a point in my life when I would be able to say that our situation, trying to have another child, was truly resolved.

Choose a post from your archives where you wrote about what “resolution” means to you and your life. It might be related to your journey through infertility, adoption and/or loss or you might have written about another difficult and uncertain situation that you have faced. If you don’t have any blog entries that specifically use that term, find a post where you talk about a similar concept. Then write a new post on your blog about why you chose it and what has happen in your life since.

Participants can write about whatever you want in your new blog entries. However, for those who might need some help and inspiration to get started, here are some questions to consider:

Why did you pick this post? Has your perspective changed since the day you wrote your original post? Does the word or idea of resolution still mean the same thing to you now as it did when you wrote your original post? Do you think you would still feel the same way if you were writing it today? What have you learned about yourself, your family and your life since you wrote your original post?

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For those new to Time Warp Tuesday, here is a quick recap of how it works:

1) Browse through your old blog entries to find one that fits the topic for the given week. The topic is shared at the end of the previous week’s “Time Warp Tuesday” post here on my blog (see above for next week’s topic).

2) Write a new blog post in which you introduce, link to and then reflect on your journey since you wrote the older blog post and put it up on your blog on Tuesday. Please include this link http://chicagobensons.blogspot.com/search/label/Time%20Warp%20Tuesdays in your blog entry, so your readers can find their way to my post with the list of other participants, in case they would like to read more or participate themselves.

3) Share the link to your new post here on Tuesday and then visit, read and comment on the other blogs.

4) After you have done all of these things, you are welcome to grab the code for the the Time Warp Tuesday button by clicking here and put it on your blog. The link will take you to a Google Doc where you can copy the code. If your browser does not allow access to your computer’s clipboard, you can use Ctrl-C for Copy and Ctrl-V for Paste, or use your browser’s Edit menu.

5) Check back here every Tuesday to find out the new topic, theme or question for the following week (I welcome your ideas and suggestions) and then return to Step 1 of this recap to participate.

Please let me know if you have any questions and I hope to see you back here on next Tuesday when we’ll “do the time warp again!”

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Thank you again for reading, commenting and participating in my Time Warp Tuesday blog hop. Link up below and click through to visit others who are doing the Time Warp! (If you have any trouble with Linky Tools, please share the link to your blog entry in the comment section.). Also, please don’t forget to comment on my post here, as I do not have a link to this (my own) post below, but I would still really appreciate your feedback. xoxo


{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Deborah October 18, 2011 at 9:40 am

That story of your dad's is really amazing. Selfless, and also a totally different perspective on the draft during Vietnam.

I think I'm going to do the Time Warp again next week. I have lots of posts that apply to that theme!

Reply

2 Kathy October 18, 2011 at 11:13 am

Thank you Deborah. I think so too!

Looking forward to reading your Time Warp post next week, I am glad that it is a theme that resonates with you. 🙂

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3 Lavender Luz October 18, 2011 at 2:59 pm

What I love about your selections is the yin and yang of it. From your mom you get how not to be a martyr, and from your dad how not to be a victim.

Very empowering messages!

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4 Kathy October 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Thank you Lori! I love that you are able to look at something like this and summarize what you took away from it so concisely and profoundly. That is exactly what I have learned from my parents (my heroes) throughout my life (not just from these two instances) and I couldn't have said it better myself. xoxo

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5 Esperanza October 19, 2011 at 12:06 am

Your parents sound like truly wonderful people and I'm so glad you've had them in your life. I too have been blessed with strong, supportive parents and I can't imagine my life without them. I wish everyone had the kind of loving mother and father figures that you and I were blessed with – the world would be a happier place.

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6 Kathy October 19, 2011 at 6:17 am

Thank you Esperanza! I am glad to hear that you also were blessed with such loving and caring parents. I agree if everyone were able to have that kind of relationship with their mom and dad that world would be happier.

Thanks for doing the Time Warp again with me this week! Even though it was just the two of us posting about Heroes, I still really enjoyed the revisiting, reflecting, reading and commenting.

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