Saying Goodbye

by Kathy on April 15, 2011 · 7 comments

in Healing, Hope, Love, Memories

Sometimes when someone dies we don’t have the opportunity to say goodbye before they go. That can add another layer to our grief when we don’t feel that sense of peace and closure.

I mentioned at the end of this post last week that one of my old and very dear childhood friend’s died recently. Since my friend and I had not been in contact regularly for awhile, I have felt particularly sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye and that I am not even sure when the last time I saw/spent time with her was.

Sometimes, though it hasn’t happened often in my life, we get a chance to say goodbye and have closure with loved ones after they die.

This happened to me early this morning. I had a dream about my friend. She was a lot younger in my dream than she was when she died two weeks ago. She looked as she did when we were children, probably at least 20 years ago.

In my dream her mother brought her to see me. The details are fuzzy about why her mom did this or where we all were, but the gist of it was that her mom was telling her to say goodbye to me. She asked my friend to give me a hug and a kiss. At first my friend was being sort of shy, as she often was throughout our childhood. Then my friend gave me a sweet little kiss, paused, leaned back, looked at me and gave me one of her big and beautiful smiles. I looked into her eyes and savored that moment. I thought about a particular line that we loved from our song “That’s What Friends Are For” that she used to sing when we got to that part, after I would sing the beginning and then I would sing the rest. Next my friend gave me a few more playful pecks on my face and we giggled a bit together, though neither of us ever spoke a word in my dream.

And then it was over, just like that. I woke up and couldn’t believe what I had just experienced. I have always hoped, wished and prayed that something like that would happen to me after others that I loved and cared about in my life have passed away. I have wanted so much to get to spend more time with my loved ones who have died, if only in my dreams. My maternal grandfather came to me once in a dream awhile after he died in the late 1990s, but it hasn’t happened since with him or anyone else, that I can recall. That is, until today.

I am grateful for this experience and like to believe that it was a sort of sign from my friend that she is okay, that she is at peace, that she loves me and that she misses me too. Most of all I feel like I got the chance to say goodbye to her, which brings me peace and comfort as I continue to process my friend’s death and the fact that I will not get to see her again, at least not in this lifetime, unless she were to come to me again in my dreams.

I felt compelled to share this today, as I know that so many of you are also processing the losses of loved ones in your lives, and/or preparing to say goodbye to someone you really care about who is dying, from babies that have left your womb and this world too soon, to older adult friends and family members who have died after battling illnesses such as cancer and Alzheimer’s.

I believe that it is never too late to say goodbye to our love ones and let them know how much they mean to us, even after they have passed. Though we don’t always get opportunities like I had in my dream last night, I still think we can tell them how we feel through our thoughts and prayers and that somehow they will get the message in the afterlife.

Thank you for reading and for abiding with me as I grieve and process my friend’s death and as I prepare for our daughter Molly’s bittersweet 3rd Heavenly Birthday on Sunday.

I wish you peace and comfort wherever you are at in your life right now and hope that you and your loved ones have a wonderful weekend.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lollipop Goldstein April 15, 2011 at 11:23 am

I had chills going down both arms with this story. I once got to have a moment like that — albeit almost 20 years after the fact — to say goodbye to my uncle. It brought so much peace.

And I knew the moment my grandmother died. I woke up in the middle of the night, said goodbye aloud, wrote down the time, and went back to sleep. When I got the call in the morning, it turned out the time had been the moment she had died. How could something like that happen as just a coincidence?

So I'm holding you in my heart, waiting for the chills to stop going down my arms.


2 AwkwardMoments April 15, 2011 at 9:56 pm

I had goosebumps the entire post. Thank you for sharing this.


3 Joy@WhenDoesDaddyComeHome April 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

I dream about my mom sometimes – I think God gives me those dreams to let me know she is alright.

Praying for you as Molly's birthday approaches!


4 embracingtherain April 16, 2011 at 5:41 pm

So sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you were able to get some much needed closure through your dream. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow on Molly's third heavenly birthday.


5 Knock knock - it's cancer! April 16, 2011 at 8:50 pm

I am glad you got to say goodbye to your friend through your dream. It was a beautiful story for you to share, thanks for doing that 🙂

Also, I will be thinking of your tomorrow,



6 Meg April 17, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Wow, Kath. I just read this today–you hadn't told me about this. What an amazing dream. I love that you got to say goodbye to her in this way.

Love you, Meg


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