"Holding on for the ride…"

by Kathy on August 21, 2009 · 21 comments

in Adoption, Baby Benson, Hope, Inspiration, Song Lyrics, The Future

I had somewhat forgotten until I received a reminder email from Mel last night (thank you), that I had signed up for ICLW this month… I recall coming home from meeting her and other awesome bloggers in real life at our ALI lunch during BlogHer last month on an emotional high and wanting to spread the love through signing up for the next ICLW! This is only my third time participating, as though I do enjoy the experience, it takes a lot out of me and thus I tend to go many months in between before I have another go at it. One of my “problems” is that I have difficulty leaving short comments for bloggers that I don’t know well (and sometimes even for those that I do). So I spend more time than might be necessary reading your/their posts and then thinking through what I want to say to you/them when I comment. Anyway, thank you to those who have visited my blog thus far via ICLW and for your kind and thoughtful comments! Thank you also to those who will make there way here in the week to come! 🙂

As I have shared here before, I find song lyrics to be very therapeutic, especially during difficult and uncertain times in my life. Tonight as I was visiting a new blog (at least to me) via ICLW I found another woman, Nicole from All Grown Up…, who also finds comfort and inspiration in this way. I was drawn to her blog as she and her husband are three weeks into the domestic adoption matching process. My sister and her husband are about a week and a half into the same process, so I was intrigued to read about this woman’s take on her experience and the waiting game before them. I want so much for my sister and her husband (and all couples trying to adopt) to be matched with the baby that they are so ready and willing to love and care for.

Anyway, through reading one of Nicole’s posts, I was turned on to an Indigo Girls song that I wasn’t familiar with. As a fan of their music, I thought I had heard most of the Indigo Girls best/most inspiring songs, but I was wrong… Nicole shared a You Tube link (so I actually got to hear it for the first time) and the lyrics to The Wood Song by the Indigo Girls. As I listened and read a long with the lyrics she had posted, I could relate and I was moved. This particular verse of the song really spoke to me:

Sometimes I ask to sneak a closer look
Skip to the final chapter of the book
And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
To get us where we are this far yeah
But the question drowns in its futility
And even I have got to laugh at me
No one gets to miss the storm of what will be
Just holding on for the ride


It exemplifies one of my new year’s resolutions this year, that I made before I knew we were pregnant, to strive to find joy in the journey, as opposed to being so caught up in what will be, when and how. So thank you Nicole for introducing me to The Wood Song. I wish you and all those journeying to build/expand our families strength, courage and hope while “holding on for the ride.”

Tomorrow our new baby girl and I are due to reach our 36 weeks gestational milestone. As I shared in my last post, this home stretch has not been easy for me physically or emotionally. I am grateful, as always, for your kind words, support, encouragement, thoughts and prayers. Thank you especially to those who commented on my post (here on my blog or in person) and helped transform my paranoia into more peaceful feelings about the days and weeks to come in this pregnancy. I have had good days and bad days since that post, but overall I am hanging in here and continue to be cautiously optimistic that we will be bringing our baby girl home soon.

Our prenatal appointments, which will be weekly from now on, continue to be routine and uneventful. If things continue to go normally we will meet Baby Benson four weeks from yesterday, via our scheduled c-section, if she doesn’t come early. That still seems very surreal to me, however I am doing my best to believe that it will happen and to prepare my head, my heart and our home for her arrival. Thank you for reading and I hope that you and your loved ones have a wonderful weekend!

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Parenthood For Me August 22, 2009 at 6:20 am

Hello. I too love music and listening intently to the lyrics. I wish you well in your pregnancy.
ICLW

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2 In Due Time August 22, 2009 at 7:46 am

Welcome to ICLW (again). 🙂

I hope the next month goes easy on you. Congratulations on the upcoming arrival.

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3 Dan & Hillary and little Russell August 22, 2009 at 9:09 am

I can only imagine the anticipation and anxiety you are feeling at this time of Baby's gestation. Thank-you for sharing your journey with me, and with all of us. May your daughter (and son) always be a blessing to those around them in the years to come…

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4 jill August 22, 2009 at 9:11 am

I've actually been reading your blog for a while now but just as a lurker. ICLW is a good time to "come out" 🙂

I've read all about Molly's story and have celebrated her life with you.

Lyrics inspire me too. I recently heard a song that described infertility to me so well – I have never connected with a song so deeply. I plan to blog about it but am having a difficult time writing about it.

I'm sending you lots of hopeful, positive thoughts for a happy, healthy baby in 4 weeks!

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5 Hoping for our own Peanut August 22, 2009 at 9:37 am

ILCW here. looks like you have an amazing story..

congrats on making it this far in your pregnancy. 4 weeks until you meet your little girl, how exciting!

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6 Once A Mother August 22, 2009 at 10:45 am

It is so good to hear you are feeling well. Thank you for sharing the lyrics of this song, I am inspired by your strength to even make that resolution (to find joy in the journey) I hope to one day find myself too, in a place where I can get past all the when/why/where and just trust that it will be. You and your little one are in my thoughts over these next few weeks before you welcome her home, and I look forward to reading here of her arrival. Hugs

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7 k@lakly August 22, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Only 4 more weeks! Hard to believe it has come down to this so quickly, (although I know it hasn't been quick for you!) Will be counting down the days with you and hoping for 4 more weeks of uneventful and a healthy, happy baby girl in your arms at the end of it!
xxoo

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8 Nicole August 22, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Hello…and happy ICLW! I wanted to return your very nice comment on my blog, and I discovered that my thoughts struck a cord with you. I am so glad that someone out there found meaning in the same thing I do–when I don't have the words, often I find them in song lyrics.

Thank you for the nice mention, and I will keep you in my thoughts as you move toward the end of your pregnancy and the beginning of your joyeous new life!

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9 Coffeegrl August 22, 2009 at 9:53 pm

I'm here from ICLW. I'm touched by your story. I've been reading back a bit through your posts and I'm so sorry for your loss. Your tribute to Molly through every post is a beautiful way to honor her. I'm wishing the best for you in the final stretch of your current pregnancy and look forward to following along with you.

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10 kerri August 23, 2009 at 2:25 pm

"strive to find joy in the journey"

what a great line to remember during the IF journey…

good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy 🙂

ICLW

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11 Lin August 23, 2009 at 5:38 pm

Just found your blog via ICLW! Your post was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of today. THANK YOU! You'll be in my thoughts over the next days and month(s)!

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12 ifcrossroads August 23, 2009 at 6:37 pm

Happy ICLW!

I too find that I have a difficult time in leaving thought provoking comments. Glad to know that I'm not the only one that struggles to "say the right thing."

I'm glad I found this post through ICLW! I find comfort in lyrics … and even when times are tough I'll seek a particular song on my Ipod to make myself fee better.

Wishing you all the best in your pregnancy. And congratulations on hitting your 36 wk. milestone!

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13 Astrid August 23, 2009 at 10:04 pm

I'm so happy for you. I'm a first time reader and its great to see that your story is on such a great path at present. Best wishes for the wonderful miracle that is your youngest daughter, I'll be sure to check back in to see how everything is going. Happy iclw!

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14 Cassandra August 24, 2009 at 2:48 am

I love thinking about song lyrics, and finding my own (usually infertility-themed) meaning in them.

I hope that the next month brings many special moments for your family of three, and that everything goes well as you bring your daughter into this world.

Happy ICLW!

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15 Lisa RM August 24, 2009 at 7:08 am

Indigo Girls speak so well, don't they? Hopefully the next few appointments will continue to be uneventful and the birth will go off without a hitch. I say hope, but I'm betting you'll stress until that actually happens, so I'll thinking calming thoughts as well.

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16 Deb August 24, 2009 at 9:01 am

I am a returning reader and am happy to see you participating in ICLW . You were my inspiration to start blogging and I am thrilled to hear of your pregnancy (actually I found out a while back, but I can't remember if I commented or not)

I too find inspiration in music, it's one of the few things that make me cry. I will definitely be visiting All Grown Up's blog.

Wishing you all the happiness you deserve.

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17 MoonNStarMommy August 24, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Happy ICLW 🙂

I had to laugh a little cuz it seems we are about a year apart. April 19, 2007 I gave birth to my 3lb 4oz little man – he has a lot of medical issues and is still with us just as Molly is in your hearts (I cried during her video btw) … and then January 10, 2008 I found out I was pregnant again, and I was due September 19, 2008 .. lol… Kaedyn's first birthday is on 9-9-09!! Maybe you'll get the 9-9-09 birth date!

It always touches my soul when I come across parents who have lost and continue to have hope. Even when the fears are sometimes overwhelming. I have had 13 miscarriages – so I know the loss and fear factor. I was told that my 7 year old (Noah) would never make it past pregnancy, if he was born alive he would die shortly after and if by some miracle he came home, he'd be most mentally and physically delayed "it wouldn't be worth it" but I told the DR that I didn't care how long I had with him, he was my child and I would love him no matter what. He's 7 today 🙂

You are truly an inspiration to a lot of people because you share your journey!

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18 ~Ifer August 24, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Hang in there, and you will be in my prayers that your pregnancy continues to go smoothly.

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19 Fran August 25, 2009 at 7:53 am

Hi, I wanted to thank you so much for stopping by my blog and giving me your support. I have read your blog a bit and I watched your time with Molly and I just couldn't hold the tears. I cannot even imagine the pain you ave gone though and you told me you had an ectopic too…I am sure this baby girl will be absolutely perfect. Sending you much love, Fran

ICLW

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20 Eileen August 26, 2009 at 12:59 am

I <3 the Indigo Girls! I too find comfort in music all the time. Congrats on reaching the 36 week milestone. That is awesome!

*ICLW*

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21 Dot August 26, 2009 at 4:46 am

Congratulations on the arrival of your new little one. Just found your blog thur ICLW and look forward to hearing more.

ICLW

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