P.S.

by Kathy on September 11, 2007 · 7 comments

in 9/11, FET #1, Hope, Infertility, Inspiration, Loss, Memories, Pain, Peace

Before I sign off for this evening, I want to call to mind all those who died and all those who lost loved ones, six years ago today on September 11, 2001. I watched Oprah’s moving tribute episode this morning, on which she had some of the children of the people who perished in either the World Trade Center Towers, The Pentagon or Flight 93. I found her interviews with the children and the stories of their families to be very sad and yet also very inspirational, in terms of how they choose to honor their loved ones memories and live their lives in effort to make them proud.

Though I believe my struggle with secondary infertility is nothing in comparison to the pain of a child who has lost a parent, I found that I could in some ways relate to many of the comments that they made this morning, about how only others who have lost loved ones on September 11, can truly understand their situation and feelings. In relating to their comments, I make the analogy that only those who have faced infertility (primary or secondary) can really appreciate what it is like to walk in our shoes and know what we feel.

That said, I know I am going on a bit of tangent here now… I got an email recently (which I have yet to reply to, but promise I will soon and I thank you, to the person who knows who they are who follows my blog) from a very good friend of our family who has a son that was born with Downs Syndrome. Her son is now in his thirties and we grew up together like cousins, as our families have always been close. She sent the email the day of my “Feed the Feeders” post, in part to comment on and reply to it, as she and my mom have know each other since her son and I were babies and she very much agreed with my mom’s advice to me that day.

She shared in her email what is was like to raise a son with Downs Syndrome and how she helps, through her job working with couples who have children with Downs Syndrome deal with day to day life, when they never expected their lives to turn out as they have. She made analogies to the comments I get sometimes, dealing with secondary infertility, and the unfortunate things that people, who do not understand what it is to have a child with Downs Syndrome, will say to parents who do. Then she went on to say how much it surprises and saddens her, every now and then, when parents of children with Downs Syndrome aren’t able to apply what they have learned, from how they may have been treated, to other areas in their lives, such as being open minded about people of other races or ethnicities and they will make raciest or other such offensive comments.

Bottom line: My friend shared that she hopes all people who go through trials in their lives, such as the one Bob and I are living through now, can apply their experiences to be able to be more sensitive in general to other people’s feelings and situations, no matter what the details of their plights are. As none of us know what it is like to walk in another person’s shoes, however we can try harder to think before we speak and try to imagine what it might be like for us, if we were given the hand someone else was dealt, before we make judgments or say things that they might take offense to.

This post started as a P.S. at the end of my other post from this evening and then I realized, when it got longer, as I wrote, that I should just make it a new post in it’s own right.

So again, thank you to my friend, for your awesome email, which I still will reply to personally. And may God bless those who died on 9-11-01, their loved ones, each one of you and your loved ones, on the anniversary on such a tragic day in our country’s history and always. May we all continue to learn from each other and grow in peace, hope and love with each passing day we are blessed to remain on this earth. Though our lives may not be exactly what we hoped or expected them to be right now, my wish for all of us tonight is that we are able to make the most of what we do have to be grateful for in our lives, as we never know what day on earth could be our last, as the families and friends of 9-11 victims can surely attest to.

“Happiness isn’t getting what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.” ~ Garth Brooks

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Deborah February 7, 2012 at 10:05 am

Well, here is your first comment on this wonderful post! You touch on something that I think a lot of people are afraid to talk about, that while we can’t exactly compare levels of suffering, there is a certain commonality between all who have experienced some kind of suffering. And the real lesson is to apply what we’ve learned to all kinds of situations, not just ones that mirror our own.

There’s been a lot said about 9/11, much of it the same stuff over & over again. But you tied together so many dissimilar situations, I feel like you are actually saying something new. Thanks!

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2 aprilvak February 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I think it’s not only going through the same overall suffering that grants understanding. There are larger and smaller umbrellas covering those of us in any community of struggle, and sometimes it’s hard to believe that someone under a different umbrella can ever understand more than the tip of the iceberg. I’ll bet that more would understand, or at least be willing to understand, than we can give credit to. The small differences can outweigh the huge similarities, or the small similarities can outweigh the huge differences.

And now I reread Deborah’s comment and realize I said the same thing, about the real lesson.

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3 Jjiraffe February 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I really like what Deborah says here:

“You touch on something that I think a lot of people are afraid to talk about, that while we can’t exactly compare levels of suffering, there is a certain commonality between all who have experienced some kind of suffering. And the real lesson is to apply what we’ve learned to all kinds of situations, not just ones that mirror our own.”

“My friend shared that she hopes all people who go through trials in their lives, such as the one Bob and I are living through now, can apply their experiences to be able to be more sensitive in general to other people’s feelings and situations, no matter what the details of their plights are.”

What a lovely sentiment. And a worthy thing to try to achieve. I hope I have been made more empathetic through my struggles.

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4 Lavender Luz February 7, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I love it when, instead of getting into the Pain Olympics, people who know tragedy just widen their compassion for others.

This is a good example of doing do, Kathy.

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5 Esperanza February 8, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Hello Kathy. I’m here from the future to comment on your post. I really loved what you have to say here and what your friend had to say in response to your other post. I do think, if there is nothing else positive I have gleaned from my loss and TTC struggles it’s to be more sensitive to other people’s situations, even if I know nothing about them personally. I like to think that I was already like this, but having struggled and lost something dear to my heart has made more empathetic than I would have been otherwise.

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