Today You Are Nineteen

What a year your nineteenth has been!

I had to double check with Dad, to make sure I got that right, and he confirmed that when you turn any given age, that is the year that you just completed.

So many milestones and life transitions…

In January you auditioned for and made Anastasia the musical at Jones! This was the first show you were cast in there and it was a highlight of your senior year, as well as your high school experience.

In March you decided that you wanted to go to Marquette University in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where you were invited to join the Honors College, with a tentative major in Psychology! Also, being where your Grandpa Kevin got his Master’s in Journalism makes it extra special.

Also in March we moved from the southwest side of Chicago to my hometown of Evanston! That was very bittersweet, as it’s the only place you’d ever lived and I appreciate it was difficult for you to leave longtime friends and neighbors from our Beverly neighborhood.

In May you voted for the first time! It was so exciting for me to share that with you and I hope you never miss an opportunity to do so going forward.

In June you graduated from Jones College Prep (JCP) High School in Chicago at the Auditorium Theater! You did it! Way to go, Sean! You also got to perform on stage with the JCP Concert Choir at the ceremony, which you’d been part of all four years, and it was really cool.

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

I was late to the “Both Sides Now” party and haven’t been able to stop listening to Joni Mitchell’s incredible song this year. My favorite version is the one that she released in 2000, though her original from 1967 is awesome too. I also love how it was used in this year’s Oscar winning Best Picture: CODA. That movie resonated with our family for a number of reasons, especially with the main character being a senior in high school, who loves to sing, is very close with her family and wants to go away to college.

Especially after the pandemic turned many of your high school years upside down, you jumped at the chance to get a head start, by participating in a summer bridge program on campus at Marquette. You got to live in a dorm, take two low key classes, work part time as a barista, start to get to know Milwaukee and have a taste of what college life would be like there.

Though you used to get homesick when you went to Camp Owasippe in Michigan, when you were younger and involved with Scouting, that has not been the case with college. You quickly embraced independence and we are happy for you! Of course we miss you and our family/home feels very different without you here. After 18+ years of feeling and being responsible for you and your well being, it has been a big adjustment for me learning to let go and allow you to do you (as they say) away at school.

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all

I know how much you have wanted to find love and how painful it can be when someone you are interested in doesn’t share your feelings. I hope that in your time at Marquette you will develop close relationships and admire you for putting yourself out there, both platonically and romantically. I appreciate it may not help a lot knowing what a wonderful person your mom thinks you are and I also believe that one of these days more of your peers will see in you all the amazing things that I do.

This is the tenth birthday blog entry/letter that I have written for you and for some reason my words aren’t flowing as easily as they have other years. I admit, I did leave this to the last minute, as September through October are “cluster” months for our family when it comes to birthdays (Grandpa Bob, Gail, Grandma Jacqie, you and Dad), as well as Dad and my anniversary. Did I mention we spent all of last weekend on campus with you for our first Marquette Family Weekend?! Of course, I encouraged us to do all of the things and, thus, we were a bit over programmed. However, we did have a lot of fun together and get to know your new city better, didn’t we?!

It is also a very busy time for me at work at Northwestern, which is a change, as I was primarily a stay at home mom for most of your childhood and adolescence. All of this to say, I know it is okay. I am going to give myself grace, as I hope you do when words fail. This may be a bit of a copout, but in the future, if/when you are wondering more about what was happening in our life/family during your 19th year, I am going to direct you to Gail’s 13th Birthday blog post (that I wrote last month) and Molly’s 14th Memorial blog post (that I wrote in April), as they cover a lot that includes you, especially the things we enjoy doing together as a family.

This will be the only year that Gail and you are both teenagers, which is both cool and bizarre. Gail definitely misses you a lot and has also adjusted relatively well to being a situational only child when you are not here. I can relate to that, since my sister/your Aunt Meg is five years older than me and left for college when I was in eighth grade. I am glad that Gail and you are close, despite your age difference. That is something that I used to worry about, when were struggling with secondary infertility. The longer it took for us to conceive and/or sustain another pregnancy, the further apart you and a potential sibling would be and thus you might not form as close of a bond. Eventually, after I spoke with a therapist and friends who were and were not close with siblings of varying age differences, I recognized it might be more about personalities and less about how far apart you might be. I love that you drove Gail down to the SW side/Beverly on the last day of school at Keller in June (since Haven had already ended), so they could see their old friends and teachers (yours too) and even stopped at Rainbow Cone for ice cream before heading back to E-town!

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

It may sound cliche and it’s true for me, the older I get and the more I learn, I realize how much I don’t know. I am glad that you really like to read, as it is so important to stay curious and open to different perspectives. When it comes to changing minds and hearts, I appreciate how much storytelling helps. I may sound like a broken record, but asking questions to get to know those you care about better and being a good listener is so important too.

One of your birthday gifts is an incredible book that I’ve been reading (more so listening to the audiobook) called “Heartbreak” by Florence Williams, that I think you will get a lot out of. From your sister Molly’s death the day she was born 14 years ago (in April 2008), to your childhood friend Daniel’s death three years ago (the day before your 16th birthday in October 2019) and your Grandpa Kevin’s death 15 months ago (in July 2021), as well as other painful life experiences, you know heartbreak. My mind has been blown by so much of what Florence shares and since you are leaning towards majoring in psychology at Marquette, I am curious what you will make of the parts that reference that field of study. I also think it will resonate with you in other ways, as it has with me.

It’s awesome that your first birthday being away at college falls on a weekend/Sunday, as it makes it easier for us/your family to drive up to celebrate with you, as we’ll be doing later today! That is definitely another awesome thing about your choosing Marquette, as it is not super far away. We can’t wait to see you in a few hours and take you to brunch with some of your favorite people!

Happy 19th Birthday, dear Sean Owen!

Dad, Gail and I love you so much!!!

Love,
Mom