Can you believe it? YOU ARE A TEENAGER! Also, you have teal hair and we live in Evanston now!
In many ways you’ve been acting like a teenager for awhile and your age is finally catching up to your maturity level (most of the time), not to mention your vibe (which I think is awesome). I certainly didn’t imagine that this is how you would look or where our family would be at this age and stage of your life (more than a few years ago).
Dying the tips of your hair three weeks ago was an early birthday gift from us, which you’d been advocating for and eventually convinced us to go along with. Though it is has taken some getting used to, you do look really cool!
Depending on the day or even the moment, from your perspective, our relocation is one of the best or the worst choices Dad and I made since you were born. I get that and have no idea how I would’ve reacted if Grandma Jacquie and Grandpa Kevin had decided to move to another town and I had to transfer schools in March of sixth grade. Though I do recall daydreaming about the opportunity to have a fresh start if they had ever transplanted us somewhere new.
One of the many reasons we decided to make this big change for ourselves and our family was that Dad and I realized it’s never too late to change our minds about anything and everything, including where we choose to live. Our parents lived in the homes we grew up in for over 40 years and while that is awesome in a lot of ways, we determined that it would also be okay if our house on Oakley in Beverly/Chicago wasn’t our “forever home.” The more we discussed what we wanted for our future, the more we came to the conclusion that it could be fluid and that we will decide together as we go.
Dad and I hope that our making this move, at this point in our lives, shows Sean and you that it’s okay to change your minds and pivot when it comes how you identify (which you both have taught us so much about over the last year), your relationships, the work that you do and wherever you may roam and/or settle.
Speaking of identity, I realized that I managed to get this far into your Birthday blog post without using a proper name to refer to you.
Gail is what you prefer to be called now.
Though it is not the original nickname that we chose for you, it was on my radar that someday you might prefer Abigail, Gail or even something else, that we had not thought of. It has taken some getting used to for many of your loved ones, including me, and I think it suits you.
You also identify as gender fluid and prefer they/them pronouns. I appreciate that you are growing up in a time and place where there is more extensive vocabulary to help you and others describe who they are and a better understanding of what that means. As you know, through practice and intention, I have gotten pretty good at using gender neutral pronouns and as a result, these days I find it more difficult to refer to those who prefer he/him/his or she/her/hers that way.
As I recently shared with you, a colleague at work welcomed a newborn baby into their family. The colleague and their partner have decided to try “gender curious parenting” and have opted to use they/them pronouns with their older child and the baby. Neither you, nor I, had heard of that approach yet and we both thought it was really cool. The idea that parents should believe our children when they tell us who they are really resonates with me and informs how I continue to approach being Sean and your mom.
Change can be scary and uncomfortable, as well as amazing and wonderful. I hope as you enter your teenage years that you will continue to be curious, challenge your comfort zone at times and try to trust your intuition, to help you figure out what works for and feels right to you. I don’t believe that there is one or best way to live or be and I think you have already grasped that with how you approach your life.
The last year has been more than a little chaotic and I appreciate how you have managed to adapt to our new home/town, your new school, Haven, (which also happens to be where I went to middle school back in the late 1980’s) and, more recently, life as a situational only child (since Sean started college at Marquette University)!
You continue to love all things related to dance from taking Ballet, Tap, Hip Hop, Modern and Jazz classes weekly at Dance Center Evanston (DCE) to auditioning for and being selected to join Evanston Dance Ensemble 2 (ede2), a dance company for middle school students in 7th and 8th grade. This summer you participated in Summer Company at DCE again and the production was The Wizard of Oz. You auditioned for and hoped to be cast at the Scarecrow and when that didn’t happen you thrived as an ensemble cast member. I love the expression on your face in the picture below, with your friend who played Dorothy, as you look at her ruby slippers.
You were also super excited when So You Think You Can Dance returned this summer on TV, which we always enjoy as a family. How many times have we watched Alexis and Keaton dance to “Rome” by Dermot Kennedy choreography by Talia Favia?!
You are so creative, especially when it comes to drawing and animation. Amongst my favorite of what you have shown me in recent months are the characters that you call “Elementals.” Your Elementals, which thus far include: Fire, Water, Earth and Light, remind me of Pixar characters and I was in awe the first time I saw them.
You got to attend YMCA Camp Echo again for a week this summer, this time living in a cabin at Main Camp. It was such a nice surprise when we arrived at the bus stop and you realized that one of your new friends from Haven and another from DCE were going too, as well as that all three of you ended up in Featherstone cabin together! It was so fun to hear about all the activities that you participated in there, which was reminiscent of the many summers that I spent as a camper and then a counselor at Camp Echo!
Outdoor adventures are another thing that Dad, Sean, you and I continue to love to experience together, including traveling (though we haven’t gotten to do much since the pandemic began), bike rides, hikes and neighborhood walks through the “Frickin’ Woods,” going to the beach (which is so close now that we are in Evanston) and visiting Grandma and Grandpa Benson’s summer cottage in Michigan. Though our move made our outdoor adventures fewer and further between, even just eating dinner, hanging out and playing Euchre in our backyards in Chicago and now Evanston bring us so much peace and joy.
Thank you so much for the Badminton set that you all gave me for Mother’s Day this year! I know that you enjoy playing as much as I do! Also, it was so cool to take Sean and you to see Marion, Ohio in February, on our way home from their admitted student visit at the College of Wooster (where they almost decided to go to college), to show you the small town where Grandma Jacquie and Grandpa Kevin grew up. We stopped by their childhood homes (pictured below), along with some other special places including the cemetery where my paternal Grandma Mite and Grandpa Robert are buried, near many other extended Axe family members. I love that you appreciate and want to know as much as we are willing and able to share about our ancestors/family history. That was always something that I found interesting when I was younger and that I am still curious about today.
Since you turned 12 you’ve been especially brave and have received four doses of COVID vaccines! You got your first dose of the original vaccine for 12 and up the day after you turned 12, your second dose came three weeks later, followed by your your first booster in March of this year and then last week we got our bivalent boosters together. Both of your booster shots came with side effects that knocked you out for a few days, which wasn’t fun.
I am so proud of how our family continues to navigate life in the time of a global pandemic. It’s hard to believe that we’ve been at this for two and a half years now. You managed to avoid getting COVID until May of this year, likely from a classmate at school. It really sucked that you had to quarantine and isolate as much as possible in our home/your room, as you rested and recovered, and we are grateful that you haven’t experienced any lingering symptoms/medical issues (a.k.a. Long COVID).
It’s been awesome to get to return to live theater over the last year and we have continued to mask when in big and crowded spaces, to protect ourselves and those who are more vulnerable. We saw the musical Hadestown on my birthday in March, which was wonderful, and it was also the day after we moved into our new house in Evanston! Grandma Jacquie, you and I were supposed to see it in NYC with the Original Broadway Cast in July 2020, however that was one of many trips and adventures that got cancelled that year due to the pandemic. We also saw the play Good Night Oscar at the Goodman Theater in March. In April we saw The Prom musical with Dad and Sean, after having watched the movie on Netflix, reading the book and listening to the OBC recording on repeat, you really wanted to see it live and that didn’t take much convincing.
You and I also have had some great luck entering the Broadway in Chicago $25 Ticket Lottery which led to our getting to see the national tours of the musicals Come From Away in February and Six in April. It was both of our third times seeing Come From Away (once with the OBC in NYC with Dad and Sean in 2017 and once in Chicago with Grandma Jacquie) and second time seeing Six (the first was during its pre-Broadway run in 2019 at the Shakespeare Theater in Chicago with Dad, Sean, Grandma Jacquie and Grandpa Kevin). We had amazing seats for both, which has been our experience with winning Broadway in Chicago ticket lotteries, and the performances were fabulous. Also, we staged doored afterwards, as we always try to do, and the drummer for the Six band gave you one of their drumsticks and signed it! We wrapped up our last season as Broadway Series subscribers at Paramount Theatre, for now, seeing Kinky Boots in October, Groundhog Day in February and Rock of the Ages in May with Dad, Sean, Grandma Jacquie and some close family friends, who joined us in lieu of Grandpa Kevin, which was bittersweet. These were all shows that we were supposed to see in the 2020-21 season that got postponed.
Our family continues to enjoy hanging out at home and watching movies and TV Series. Most recently we watched 13 Going on 30, which was timely and we all got a kick out of. Though it came out in 2004, there are still so many great messages about life, love and relationships. I did the math and realized that the main character gets a glimpse of what life would be like 17 years after they turned 13 and that currently (at 47) I am 17 years older than when I was 30. As you know, I am easily amused and get a kick out of things like that, as do you. Dad and I woke you up this morning at 7:00 a.m. (per your request), as you wanted to make sure you were awake at 7:55 a.m. (the exact time you were born), which is something you like to mark/celebrate on the dot each year. When we did so, we teased you about looking in the mirror to make sure you weren’t actually 30!
Other movies that our family saw together and really enjoyed since you turned 12 include: The Adam Project, Coda (three times, because it is so good), Downton Abbey and Top Gun: Maverick (in the theater, which added so much to the experience)! Sean and you also watched some MCU movies, which you share a love for, and even went to one in the theater with one Sean’s longtime/close friends.
I didn’t intend to list all the movies and TV series that we binge watch, but now that I am on a roll, it is fun to reflect on and you may appreciate returning to, as a kind of pop culture time capsule, later on. So for posterity, some of our favorite shows during the time you were 12 include: Ted Lasso, Cobra Kai, HGTV’s Renovation Island (“What are we risking?!”), Rock the Block and Battle on the Beach, High School the Musical the Musical the Series, The First Lady, Pride, Atlas of the Heart, American Ninja Warrior, Real Sports and The Bear. The last one has definitely added some fun phrases to our family lexicon, especially when we are making meals in the kitchen… “Behind!” “Heard!” and referring to each other as “Chef” are all new additions!
You favorite shows include Gravity Falls, The Owl House and Amphibia, which Sean also enjoys watching, often with you, and recently you’ve started introducing Dad and I too, beginning with Gravity Falls, which is fun and goofy! I especially like how they refer to their Great Uncle as their Gruncle. Speaking of things being goofy… In recent months it seems like you think EVERYTHING I say is funny and/or goofy! That reminds me of the relationship I had with my dad/your Grandpa Kevin when I was your age, as he contributed to my amusement on a regular basis, often without even trying. Likewise, I recall have really great chats and deep discussions with Dad/Grandpa Kevin beginning around the time I was in middle school. I love that you and I do that often too. You’ve also been spending more time with my mom/Grandma Jacquie, now that we live so close, and one of your favorite things lately is reading through old letters that she used to type and send regularly to her parents (who lived on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina) when I was your age. It has been fun to hear about the way Grandma Jacquie described what was happening in our life back then, especially what I was up to as a teenager.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been over a year and your second birthday since Dad/Grandpa Kevin died and that is really hard. This year we also marked the 14th anniversary of your sister Molly’s birth and death. Grief is, and will always be, a big part of our lives. It is not something that we “get over” and one of my all-time favorite quotes addresses this:
“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.” ~ Helen Keller
Somehow this became one of the longer birthday blog posts that I’ve written in years and that’s okay. I guess I just felt like writing… (said in my best Forrest Gump impression)
Today you will dance (a lot), with Ballet 4 and Pointe Prep this morning and ede2 practice this afternoon! As you know, we’ve ordered 36 mini cupcakes from Bennison’s Bakery to bring and share with your fellow EDE/ede2 company members. After that we look forward to going out to dinner at a local Italian restaurant in Evanston (as you love spaghetti) with Grandma Jacquie, as well as Grandma and Grandpa Benson to celebrate 13 years of you! It will be different without Sean here and we look forward to spending time with them later this month during Family Weekend at Marquette. Tomorrow we’ll continue your birthday celebration with a small gathering of your old and new friends.
Earlier this week I found out that one of my all-time favorite music groups/duos, the Indigo Girls, whom somehow I’ve never seen perform live/in person are returning to Evanston in November for a concert! I asked if you wanted to go with me and you enthusiastically said, “sure!” This will be your first concert, which I find serendipitous, as mine (UB40) was also when I was in 7th grade and at a Northwestern University venue. So I will leave you with some lyrics from the Indigo Girls, which have helped me to navigate and cope with many difficult and uncertain experiences in my life. This line from, “Least Complicated,” was also one of Grandpa Kevin’s favorites:
“The hardest to learn was the least complicated.” ~ Indigo Girls
That can be so true and sometimes we have to experience challenges over and over again before the lessons really sink in.
I hope this next year in your life, as well as your teenage years, are wonderful and amazing, as you are, Abigail Grace!
I also encourage you to use your voice and privilege to advocate for, and amplify the voices of, those who are underrepresented and don’t benefit from the systems that you do.
September 17th is a happy day once again, because you were born 13 years ago!
I am so glad that I get to be your mom!
Dad, Sean and I love you sooooooooo much and look forward to celebrating with you more this weekend and month!
Happy Birthday, dear Gail!
Love,
Mom
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