10 years ago I participated in a year-end blog meme for the first time called Rewind 2011, with fun and interesting questions designed to get writers and readers to reflect on our lives in 2011. I did so again the following year, with my Rewind 2012.
Ever since I did this writing exercise those two years, I looked forward to the opportunity to do it again. However, the time got away from me and I hadn’t done it since, until the last three years (Rewind 2018, Rewind 2019 and Rewind 2020).
Before doing so, I read through my answers for 2011 and 2012, and was fascinated by how much had changed in my life, as well as the many things that hadn’t, over the previous 6 years.
I decided to do it again this year and as with my experiences in 2011, 2012, 2018, 2019 and 2020 answering the 35 questions listed below was both interesting and challenging for me.
For 2021, I allowed myself to repeat or adapt more answers that ever before, because I decided that was okay. Though there is still plenty of new things that I shared from this new year. Next December, for 2022, I might delete all of my previous answers from the get go to avoid doing that again. But we’ll see, this time it worked for me not to reinvent the wheel when I had shared thoughts/sentiments that carried over into this second year of living through a global pandemic.
If you choose to participate (either on your blog, via a Facebook note or you can even send me an email with your answers), please let me know so I can read and comment on yours too.
So here goes Round Six of “Rewind 2021:”
1. What did you do in 2021 that you’d never done before? I returned to the traditional workforce full time at Northwestern University (NU), in August, after 18 years as stay at home mom, community/school volunteer, writer/blogger, group fitness instructor and coach. I love working in my hometown of Evanston as a Program Assistant, supporting the Master of Science in Analytics (MSiA) and Master of Science in Information Technology (MSIT) programs, which are part of the McCormick School of Engineering, Office of Professional Education. I appreciate that most NU staff have the option of a hybrid work schedule, since the pandemic, which allows me to be in the office most weeks Monday – Wednesday and then remote on Thursday and Friday. Though overall, I don’t mind the long commute, as I love listening to podcasts, audiobooks, and music, while driving the scenic route (which is also the fastest) in her orange VW Beetle “Weasley,” on Lake Shore Drive and Sheridan Road, I am glad that I won’t be doing it indefinitely.
On that note, another thing that I’d never done before was make a major life change, after previously having decided on a “plan” for my family and my future. After 19 wonderful years living in our “Village in the City” Beverly neighborhood on Chicago’s SW side, we’ve decided to move back to Evanston, where we lived for the first three years of our marriage and I was born/raised. Earlier this month we found/went under contract on a house that we absolutely love and is very close to where my Mom/Grandma Jacquie lives!
We will be closing and moving in early March, which will allow Sean to finish their senior year at Jones College Prep (per Chicago Public School rules), before heading off to college in the Fall. Abby (though they technically could finish the school year at Keller) will transfer to Haven Middle School to finish 6th grade and attend in the years to come, followed by Evanston Township High School (ETHS). I love that Abby will get to graduate from the same middle and high schools where I did!
This is not something that we ever anticipated doing (until about a year ago) and was not an easy decision. However, the pandemic (as it has for many) caused us to reimagine what we wanted for our family and our future, which led to our choice to return to Evanston, where we lived from 2000-2003 and was an awesome place for me to grow up.
This week we went under contract with buyers for our home in Beverly on Oakley, that we have adored living in for the last 10 years (since we moved six blocks south from our first house in Beverly on Claremont) and put so much love into. We are excited to have found another family that seems to love it as much as we do, not to mention that it happened relatively quickly (during a time of year that we weren’t sure how easy it might be to sell, especially with the rapidly spreading Omicron variant).
Ironically, when we moved here 19 years ago, we found our house on Claremont in mid-December 2002 and also put our Evanston condo on the market, just after Christmas, and were able to go under contract quickly. We moved here in mid-February 2003 and will be doing the reverse a few weeks later in 2022.
In recent months both of our children have shared with us and others that they prefer to use they/them pronouns. We respect how they identify and are learning to refer to them accordingly. I have their permission to share this and am doing so in part because I have already and will continue to refer to both of them using their preferred pronouns in this blog entry.
Lastly, I had the opportunity to become certified in Mental Health First Aid through my job, which was a really interesting experience and I am grateful that I can use what I learned to help support the students, faculty and fellow staff members at NU. I have been really encouraged by the emphasis on mental health/wellness in my new workplace, including that they allow us to use sick time off to care for our own mental health, as well as that of our loved ones, just as we could/would for our physical health.
NU also gives all FT employees a paid “Winter Recess” between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day, which is really awesome and appreciated. I still can’t believe how much time off I have have gotten to enjoy this holiday season, without having to use personal days or vacation time. I did end up taking one personal day for the inspection of the house we are buying in Evanston, one day before NU Winter Recess began, however if not for that, I wouldn’t have taken any.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? As I’ve shared in previous years/Rewind posts, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions awhile back and recognize that I can make positive changes in my life at anytime and don’t have to wait for a new year, month, week or even day.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not anyone that I am super close to. I do have a friend through the health and fitness community that I am part of who had a baby and I am very happy for them.
This is an interesting stage of life for me when it comes to this question, as most of my close friends and family members are past the stage of their lives during which they might give birth. However, most of us are also too young for our children’s generation to be having children yet, so other than younger cousins or maybe coworkers, it may be awhile before I answer this question differently.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My Dad.
Wow. Though on some level I knew it was a possibility, I did not expect to be answering this question, this way, this year. Dad turned 80 in January and had a host of underlying medical conditions. That said, his death on July 1st was unexpected. He was scheduled for an angiogram the next morning in preparation for a TAVR procedure later in the month. However, it seems a perfect storm of circumstances led to his heart failing before he could make it to the procedure that could’ve made his quality of life considerably better. I am grateful that we were able to hold Dad’s wake and funeral in person (with masks and distancing), with a live stream for those who weren’t able or didn’t feel comfortable gathering in person, as it happened before the Delta variant really took off in the U.S. I also felt honored to be one of those who eulogized Dad at his funeral.
Six months later, I am still “crashing again and again into a reality that can’t be real,” as Megan Devine describes early grief. For the last few years, I’d been trying to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable, when one or both of my parents would die. As a result, I always attempted to be present and intentional when we said goodbye after spending time together. However, I’ve learned that nothing prepares us for the death of a parent. It is beyond surreal and I am still trying to wrap my brain around the reality of my dad’s death.
My cousin T also died this year in the spring, he was in his late 30s. We did not grow up very close to my dad’s side of the family (both geographically and relationally), however in my adult life some of us have made an effort to get to know each other better, especially a number of our 20+ Axe cousins, including T. In August 2016, my parents, my sister’s and my families visited some of T’s mother (one of my dad’s younger sisters) and father’s family, who live near each other in North and South Carolina.
This was the first time I got to meet two of my cousins/two of T’s brothers (that I hadn’t met before) in person and it had been at least 16 years since I’d last seen T and one of his sisters (that hosted us, with their family, for a cookout that day at their home). I am grateful for the memories I have from our time together both in person and the stronger connections that some of our Axe cousins have been able to build in large part through social media.
I am so sad about T’s death and appreciate the comforting words that some of his siblings/my cousins shared after he died, “If love could have saved him, it would have!” As many who have struggled with anxiety, depression and/or addiction know, including those in our family (me being one), love helps a lot and it isn’t always enough.
Bob/our Benson family also had a beloved extended family member that died about a month before my Dad. We gathered for their wake and funeral (with masks and distancing) and it was bittersweet to be gathering for the first time with so many we hadn’t seen in awhile due to the pandemic. It was also the first time I had dressed up that much since the pandemic began. I visited my parents after the funeral, while still dressed up, as there was a family “care team” meeting that my sister and I were joining them for that day, at the retirement community/long term care facility where they live(d). I ended up wearing the same outfit for Dad’s funeral and find it bizarre that he saw me in it about a month before.
As I wrote last year, a LOT of loved ones lost parents and other close family members, many to COVID and some others ways, which is so sad and emphasizes all the more why our family chose to take the precautions we have, and continue to take, aimed at staying healthy and not unknowingly getting COVID and then passing it on to others, especially our parents/our kids’ grandparents. Though my Dad did not die directly of COVID, the quality of his life (mind, body and spirit) was adversely impacted during the 15+ months that he navigated the pandemic.
As of today, 12/31/21, tragically 823,000 Americans have died of COVID-19, that is 480,000 more people since this time last year. I have so many thoughts and feelings about this and so much anger knowing it didn’t have to be this way/bad. I am beyond grateful that Bob, Sean, Abby and I are all fully vaccinated and 3/4 of us our boosted (Abby isn’t eligible yet).
5. What places did you visit? So. Many. Trips. To/from. Evanston.
Though, as I shared in #1, getting to drive Weasley (my orange VW Beetle) did make the trips more fun, along with listening to music, podcasts, audiobooks and Audm articles along the way.
Initially, it was in part because of my role as a caregiver/care partner with my parents, as I was accompanying them both to health care appointments, as well as helping them out around their apartment in their retirement/long term care community, once they were allowed to have in person visitors again in April. My family and I, along with my sister and her husband, also helped Mom and Dad transition/downsize from their independent living apartment to one in assisted living, at the end of May. That was a big project and now is also a time that I am able to reflect on with joy and gratitude, as we had some really great moments and interactions as we helped them move. Their new apartment (which we are still getting used to thinking of more as Mom’s apartment) has a beautiful neighborhood view, that includes many trees, flowers and even bird feeders that attract a lot of visitors. The last gift our family gave Dad/Grandpa Kevin, for Father’s Day this year, was a National Geographic book about birds, so that Mom and he could learn about all those they could watch/see from their bay windows.
Another big factor in all the trips to/from Evanston was Abby taking hybrid dance classes through Dance Center Evanston (DCE) and we agreed to allow them to go in person, starting in January, because we were so impressed with the precautions DCE was taking in light of the pandemic. Eventually that evolved into all in-person classes and knowing how much Abby loves dancing, even more so with the experiences they’ve been having at DCE, we agreed to make it work for them to continue. This is one of the many factors that started our conversation/caused us to begin to consider relocating to Evanston in 2022.
Then, after I began my new job at NU in August, the trips became almost daily, and I am so grateful to my supervisors at NU for allowing me to have a somewhat flexible schedule two days a week to get Abby to/from their DCE classes on the days I am working remotely from home. The other days, when I am in the office, Bob and Sean have also driven them. This is certainly something we all look forward to ceasing in March!
6. What would you like to have in 2022 that you lacked in 2021? To be able to gather with loved ones more in person safely, to travel and attend live events (such as theater productions and concerts) again. We got to do more of this in 2021, than in 2020 (from March on), however, especially with the Omicron variant spreading so rapidly right now, the coming weeks look like we may be returning to more of how things felt early on in the pandemic (before vaccines and other mitigation measures we widely available).
7. What dates from 2021 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 6th, when domestic terrorists/insurrectionists/Trump supporters attacked our U.S. Capitol Building in Washington D.C. and those in it/trying to protect it. It was a very scary day for our country and I continue to be baffled, saddened and extremely angry with those (including former President Trump) who helped to plan for the attack, participated, allowed it to happen/go on as long as it did and have yet to hold many of those involved accountable.
July 1st, the day that my dad died unexpectedly (as I shared about in #4).
8. What was/were your biggest achievement(s) of the year? As I shared last year, staying safe at home as much as possible (especially before the vaccines were available), helping my parents navigate difficult health challenges (not COVID), helping Bob, Sean and Abby adapt to remote learning and working from home, remaining relatively sane myself and making the best of/finding some joy in another really difficult, uncertain and painful year in the U.S./on Earth.
After my dad died, helping to plan for and then facilitate his wake and funeral, as well as helping my mom navigate all that family members (especially spouses/partners) have to take care of, was a big and necessary achievement.
Also, applying for the job at NU, which I’d already had my first interview for when my dad died. Dad knew that I had been invited for a second interview and was giving me tips the last time we were together (two days before he died). It was a huge adjustment for our family and me for me to return to the traditional workforce, especially a month after Dad died. That said, it has been an overall wonderful experience for me and I do think it is good for our family on many levels, including the kids getting to see me in a new light/role.
As I already talked about in #1, Bob and my decision to intentionally change the course of our family’s future, by relocating to Evanston, has been really hard and at the same time seeing how close we are to making it happen is really exciting! We do believe it will be worth it, as bittersweet as it is to be leaving the community where we have spent 19 very meaningful and formative years.
Lastly, as I also talked about briefly in #1, I am proud of Bob and I for trusting, believing and honoring who our children tell us they are. I am grateful that they are being raised in a time when they and we have more support (than previous generations), as well as a wider/greater vocabulary to be able to express how they feel and identify. As with so many new (to me) subject areas, I am also thankful for all of the books, podcasts and articles available from experts, including fellow parents of children who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, that are allowing me to learn and be a better mother and ally to our kids, as well as their peers and others in the community.
9. What was your biggest failure? As I shared last year, I still struggle with taking my own stress and anxiety out on Bob, Sean and Abby at times. Though overall we have done really well spending so much time at home together again this year, it wasn’t always easy and as someone who had gotten used to having time to myself alone here on weekdays (pre-pandemic), it definitely took some time to get used to our new reality. I will say that I have come to appreciate my commutes to/from Evanston, as it has allowed for more “me time” to think, grieve and process life, especially my dad’s death this year.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Again, as I shared last year, I’ve likely been healthier since the pandemic began than ever, because in staying safe at home. Until this week, Bob, the kids and I had managed to not only avoid COVID, but no other significant illnesses. My allergies have still flared up a lot and I found myself questioning if my symptoms could actually be COVID, which I know is common.
That said, with the Omicron variant taking over seemingly everywhere, this week Abby has really felt under the weather (with bad cold-like symptoms) and the rest of us, haven’t felt that bad, but not great (possibly mild symptoms). We used up the small stockpile I’d accumulated from NU, of rapid at-home COVID tests (which I am grateful to have had access too, as a staff member), testing proactively before our Christmas gatherings/celebrations with our families. So when Abby started feeling poorly early this week, we had them take our last test and it was negative. We tried to get our hands on more rapid at-home tests and/or appointments for PCR tests, but it wasn’t easy, as so many have experienced in the last week or so.
We were able to schedule appointments for all of us to get PCR tests today and in the meantime, since we were all planning to lay pretty low anyway, we hunkered down and waited. So as of now, we think that Abby might be positive, based on their symptoms and what so many loved ones (who are also fully vaccinated and many boosted) who have also tested positive shared with us about their experiences. Bob, Sean and I may or may not be, time will tell.
We certainly have mixed feelings about some of the choices we made in the last week or so, as well as choices that others around us made, that may have left us vulnerable to getting COVID for the first time, after managing to avoid it since March 2020. However, we also know that we have taken each circumstance as it came and made the best decisions we could with the information we had at the time, while also weighing social-emotional factors that have been another very difficult aspect of this pandemic for everyone.
Lastly, I would say that my dad’s death broke my heart in a way that I hadn’t experienced before, even though I have lived through a lot of grief and loss in my life. It is truly difficult to fully express and I appreciate that others I know who have lost a parent(s), sibling(s), an older child(ren) or a spouse/partner understand and are able to affirm how I feel, which at times is a sort of numbness, because it can just be too much to absorb.
11. What were the best thing(s) you bought? Our new house in Evanston, though we haven’t actually closed on it yet! We did transfer a big chuck of earnest money yesterday, since we’d wrapped up the attorney review process.
Also, lots of purple things, since I started working at NU, including a Vera Bradley NU bag and a number of clothing items!
Lastly, FIDGETS!!! Abby and many of their friends/peers have gotten really into collecting fidgets and as a result I’ve been introduced to more types than I knew existed. My two favorite kinds are Marble Mesh(es) and Tangles, especially a style called Tangle Relax Therapy. I love the latter so much that I ended up ordering a large amount in bulk and giving some as gifts to loved ones for Christmas this year, as I wanted to share how awesome they are.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Reupping my answer from last year, because it still applies… Essential workers, first responders, teachers and those who serve in healthcare, as well as all the parents/guardians who had to balance their jobs with having children at home doing remote learning. Also, all those who took the pandemic seriously, were very cautious, even/especially when fatigue from it all set in, got vaccinated and boosted (as soon as they were eligible), wore masks and distanced, didn’t gather at holidays and for other special events when it wasn’t safe, and encouraged those who did the same. I count Bob, the kids and I in this group and am so proud of us. It hasn’t been easy to do this since March 2020, but has been worth it, and we are far from the finish line in navigating life in the time of this global pandemic (especially now that Omicron is here and there will be other variants). I know we can and will continue to stay the course, as daunting as it can feel, one day, one step, one next right thing at a time.
Again, as I shared last year, all those who continue to stand up, speak out, and work for equity in human/civil rights, including being actively anti-racist and supporting the LGBTQ+ community, as well as those who have neurodiversity and disabilities.
Lastly, the Biden/Harris administration is far from perfect and they have made plenty of policy decisions that I don’t agree with, however having them leading our country is so much better and safer than when the Trump administration was in power. I applaud everyone who continues to work to protect and expand voting rights, during a critical time when many Republicans are trying to make it more difficult for people (especially those who are marginalized) to vote.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? As with last year, Trump and his administration (before they left office), especially how they encouraged and allowed the insurrection on January 6th to happen and go on for as long as it did. Also, Republican lawmakers who continue to obstruct justice and not be accountable for their actions and/or hold others accountable, as well as fellow Americans who support their actions, instead of condemning them and demanding their representatives be/hold them accountable.
Those who haven’t taken this pandemic seriously, especially people who are eligible to be vaccinated and boosted and have chosen not to do so (that don’t have a legitimate medical reason). As I’ve already shared in my answers to previous questions, it didn’t have to be like this/so bad. Some of the most difficult experiences for me and my family since the pandemic began has been having to deal with those in our lives, including some loved ones, who have not done all they could to be cautious and keep COVID from spreading as rapidly as it has/continues to (especially with new variants).
The now politicized/conservative majority Supreme Court has also been painful to witness and has caused me to support expanding how many can sit on/serve, to balance the power and reflect/represent who is actually the majority in the U.S./our country.
Lastly, what Joe Manchin has done to keep the Build Back Better legislation from passing is inexcusable and makes me so angry. Obviously, the Republicans in Congress also share responsibility for where things stand, but the way Senator Manchin has manipulated everyone involved during this process, while holding so many American people hostage, who desperately need what the bill will provide, is both heartbreaking and infuriating.
14. Where did most of your money go? Again this year, in lieu of trips/travels and live theater/concerts (though we did make it to a few that were rescheduled from 2020, including two shows at Paramount Theatre: Kinky Boots and Cinderella, as well as Bob and I getting to see Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill 25th Anniversary Tour with Special Guest Garbage), we continued to focus on home improvements. This included: getting the entire outside of our house repainted, new custom made screens installed (that are dark grey and match our home some much better than the white ones we used to have), we had our kitchen cabinets refinished/painted white and did an epic “spa like” remodel of our primary bathroom (inspired by being near the sea).
Initially, we were truly doing all of this to be able to really enjoy our “forever home,” which we love so much and had planned to grow old in. Then, as we started to shift our focus towards relocating to Evanston, recognizing that it is okay to change our plan/allow our future to be somewhat fluid, some of these home improvements were done to help make our house more marketable, if/when we were ready to sell it, as we ended up deciding to do. Remodeling our primary bathroom, as we’d imagined and dreamed about for so long, was especially bittersweet, as we won’t get to enjoy it for very long. However, I do relish in every shower I take there now and love how awesome every part of it turned out.
We also continued to donate to local charitable organizations (including our neighborhood food pantry) helping those who are struggling with homelessness and food insecurity, especially due to the pandemic.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our decision to move back to my hometown of Evanston, that Abby will get to go to the middle and high schools that I attended and getting to live closer to my mom, as well as to be able to visit my dad’s grave at the cemetery more easily/frequently (which brings me comfort). Also, being offered and starting my job at NU!
It’s definitely been another year for simple pleasures, which for our family has included a lot of binge-watching TV series, movies and spending more time than even hanging out in our backyard, eating dinner, playing cards and learning a new (to us) game called Settlers of Catan, which some refer to just as Catan.
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2021? “Sorrow and Joy” by Indigo Girls captures so well the feelings and emotions I’ve been navigating this year. “Home” by Daughtry became my personal anthem, as my family and I were preparing to move from our Beverly neighborhood in SW Chicago back to my hometown of Evanston (which I cannot believe will actually happen in a little over two months). “Orpheus” by Sara Bareilles continued to be one of my favorites and brought me comfort during such difficult and uncertain times. It took on new meaning after my dad died, as the last time we were together, on June 29th, I introduced him to it/played it for him and pointed out two of my favorite lines/lyrics: “I hope my love is someone else’s solid ground” and “we did not give up on love today.” I also listened to a lot of Beatles and Harry Chapin, as they were favorites of/remind me of my dad. Lastly, again related to my grieving Dad’s death, “Talking to the Moon” by Bruno Mars resonated with me.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder… It’s been a really hard year, however I am still able to find joy and happiness in my life.
b) thinner or fatter? Same… As I shared last year, though we’ve stayed active and workout every morning, I’ve continued turning to treats, beer and other types of comfort food as part of coping through the pandemic, and Dad’s death added to that. I give myself grace in knowing that’s okay and envision getting “back on track” sometime in 2022, maybe after we move and get settled in at our new home Evanston.
c) richer or poorer? Richer… Because of Bob and my jobs, which I recognize makes us very lucky while living through this global pandemic, that has had such a negative impact on much of the U.S. and Global economy and led to many more people being out of work, living in poverty, being homeless and/or food insecure.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Not much, if anything… I’ve made a lot of progress when it comes to having boundaries in my life/relationships. Especially since I returned to the traditional workforce FT in August, I’ve learned how to better prioritize how and with whom I spend my time. So I feel like most of what I have done this year has been both intentional and worthwhile. That said, once we decided for sure that we are going to move to Evanston, our focus shifted to doing what we needed to make that happen, which has been very time consuming.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? I will echo what I wrote last year… I can’t think of anything. Being able to survive another pandemic year, without completely losing my sanity, is huge. Though I could say there were times and days when I spent too much time not being productive enough, I know that more often than not, that down time/me time allowed me to remain emotionally stable and gave me the strength to help support, Bob, the kids, my parents and other loved ones cope and navigate this extremely difficult, uncertain and painful year. And then there was my dad’s death… I don’t know where I’d be in dealing with that, if I hadn’t started my new job at NU. I imagine with having more time to ruminate and perseverate, that I might’ve actually struggled a lot more with my grief and how I coped with life after that.
20. How did you spend Christmas in 2021? Thanks to science/vaccinations, we felt safe (enough) gathering with our families this year for Christmas celebrations.
It had been about two years since our Axe family gathered inside and unmasked to celebrate a holiday, as we did on Christmas Eve Eve (December 23rd). Originally we’d hoped/planned to do so on Christmas Day, however with Omicron giving Roy Kent a run for his money (even with us all being fully vaxed and those who are eligible boosted), we opted to move our celebration up by a few days, lay low as much as possible leading up to the event, and we all took rapid tests (that we’re negative) that morning. It was so good and fun to be together. It was also very bittersweet since Kev/Dad/Grandpa Kevin died in July. We missed have our good friends the H family with us and we enjoyed FaceTiming with them. We served HoneyBaked Ham, cornbread and French style green beans for dinner, a meal that Dad loved and we thought was delicious. Lastly, we had a blast opening the crackers that H family sent with Mom/Grandma Jacquie, including finding the little toys inside, wearing the crowns and reading the jokes, as well as opening/eating fortune cookies that my sister’s family brought!
Mom/Grandma Jacquie brought and read this, “Christmas Comes Full of Holes” by Mary Schmich, to our family before we toasted with our champagne/sparkling grape juice, said grace and ate dinner on Christmas Eve Eve. It was so meaningful and there were few, if any, dry eyes. We talked about making it a new family tradition in years to come, to read this as we continue to honor those who can’t be with us (whether due to death or things like a global pandemic).
We spent Christmas Eve at Bob’s parents new home in a south suburb of Chicago with our Benson family. It was good to be together again celebrating, including some old and new traditions. The cousins/grandkids still get a kick out of participating in Grandma Benson’s Nativity Play and the present exchange was fun and a little less chaotic than it used to be, now that the youngest is in double digits. I also found myself mentally adjusting to seeing so many familiar things arranged differently in their new house.
The kids and I changed into matching “Merry Force be with You” Grogu Christmas Jammies, after we got home (fairly late that night). Abby saying goodbye to our elf George for this year and left Cookies for Santa (or in this case one cookie and a glass of milk).
Because of the Omicron variant, we opted to stay home from Christmas mass in person at church again this year. We slept in, until the kids woke us up at the agreed upon (no earlier than) time and relished in a low key Christmas Day at home. I really enjoy shopping and wrapping gifts for our kids and I love getting to see their reactions when they open them on Christmas morning, as well as which one(s) they want to try out first! Sean went with building a Spider-Man themed Lego set from Santa and Abby chose to read the newest Diary of a Wimpy Kid book (#16) that was in their stocking.
For the second year in a row we didn’t mind taking it easy on Christmas, which included eating lots of leftovers and treats, watching a movie (Dear Evan Hansen) and other things on TV (including live-streaming St. Nick’s Catholic Parish 10:00 a.m mass from Evanston, as well as Bob and I finishing Season 2 of Emily in Paris) and playing Pictionary! It had been awhile since we’d played Pictionary (if ever with the kids) and I forgot how fun it was. Besides Sean and I winning, a highlight was my drawing a $ and an ↑ for the word “Inflation” during a Difficult All Play and Sean getting it in just a few seconds!
21. Did you fall in love in 2021? I fell in love with Glennon Doyle, Amanda “Sister” Doyle and Abby Wambach through their We Can Do Hard Things podcast. Their two weekly episodes have helped me to cope with life as we know it more than anything else this year. And my love for Bob, the kids, my parents and some other close family members and friends, as well as myself, continued to deepen.
22. What was/were your favorite TV program(s)? So many during these pandemic times… Ted Lasso, Modern Love, ATypical, Everything’s Gonna Be Okay, After Life, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Cobra Kai, Wanda Vision, Loki, This is Us, The Good Doctor, Grey’s Anatomy, Emily in Paris, The Real World Homecoming: New York, The Connors, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Saturday Night Live, The Beatles: Get Back and Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel. We’ve watched so much TV this year, while staying safe at home again, I’m sure I’ve forgotten some.
23. What did you do for your birthday in 2021? I had to cheat and look at my own social media posts to remember what I did/how my family and I celebrated… I started with a family workout. We were doing our second round of a new program called 9-Week Control Freak with Autumn Calabrese and that day we did the Week 3, Day 6 routine =Total Body Tone, it is the last one in Phase 1 and one of my favorites in the entire program, so it was an awesome way to start my 46th Birthday!
Abby had made one of my favorite kinds of cake yellow with chocolate icing, the day before, and so I got to eat some for breakfast that morning.
We played the new (to us) game Settlers of Catan for the first time and I won!
My alma mater, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (UIUC)’s men’s basketball team played and beat the Ohio State University’s men’s team! It was especially sweet to see them win on my birthday, as the last time they were this good was my 30th and they lost to OSU that day.
We ordered my fav local pizza (Deep Dish Sausage from Palermo’s) for dinner and enjoyed a really tasty “Oatmeal Raisin Old Ale” beer from one of my fav hometown breweries Temperance, while introducing Sean and Abby to the original Coming to America movie, before watching the new sequel.
24. What was/were the best book(s) you read and podcasts that you listened to? I finished reading/listening to *only* 12 books this year, primarily audiobooks via Libro.fm. I have eight that I am still switching between, depending on how I am feeling and what my psyche can handle, that I intend to finish in 2022. My favorite for fiction this year was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. My favorites for non-fiction this year were: Let’s Talk About Hard Things by Anna Sale and How the Word is Passed by Clint Smith.
I decided to add “and podcasts that you listened to” to this question this year, as I listen don’t read nearly as many books as I might if I didn’t listen to so many podcasts, as well as listen to lots of articles from newspapers and news magazines/websites via the Audm app. My two favorites podcasts, that I rarely miss episodes of are: We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle and The Daily from the New York Times. I also really enjoy Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, The Ezra Klein Show, Films to Be Buried with hosted by Brett Goldstein, Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, Renegades Born in the USA with President Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen, Hidden Brain and Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch.
25. What did you want and get? Biden/Harris being inaugurated as President and Vice President, more seats in Congress and after Warnock and Ossoff won in the run off on January 5th, a Democratic majority in the Senate (in addition to the House). As I shared last year, more time with Bob and the kids, with less plans. For years it was something I’d often spoke of wanting and yet, we hadn’t take much action to make happen. In many ways these pandemic times forced that upon us and we are definitely closer as a family for it. For all that was horrible about these last two years, one of the bright spots/silver linings/sources of joy is how our family of four has been able to navigate this pandemic, while mostly staying safe at home, together. We’ve had many difficult moments and challenges, including the kids not being fans of remote learning, as well as struggles with depression and anxiety. That said, overall, we’ve handled it relatively well.
26. What did you want and not get? More time with my dad. More opportunities to spend time safely in person with family and friends. For more people to get vaccinated and boosted/take the pandemic seriously, for the Build Back Better bill to be voted on and pass, as well as voting rights legislation to be voted on/become law.
27. What was/were your favorite film(s) of this year? These weren’t necessarily all released this year, but I watched them for the first time this year… Sylvie’s Love, Dark Waters, The Chicago 7, Kodachrome, Tick, Tick… Boom! and Encanto (which we just watched last night).
28. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes, at my new job at NU! I really enjoy my colleagues and it makes what I do feel all the more worthwhile.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? As I have said the last two years, for corrupt politicians/government officials to be removed from office and held accountable for their actions. Also, having more people recognize the reality of systematic racism and discrimination (especially in our education and criminal justice systems) and actively working to dismantle these systems that hold marginalized people back. Also, as I added last year/will repeat this year and as I’ve already said over and over again, more people, especially some leaders and even some of our loved ones, taking the pandemic more seriously. It is baffling and so sad to me how some people cannot be bothered to get vaccinated/boosted, wear masks or distance or stay home (if they aren’t essential workers), if not to save themselves to save others. This is once again a big issue right now, with the Omicron variant, which likely wouldn’t have emerged, if the pandemic had been handled better from the beginning in the U.S. and around the world.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2021?
Comfort, braless, rarely wore makeup or got dressed up after the pandemic began in 2020… A lot of Prana clothes (one of my main dealers for retail therapy) and social justice wear (including in support of candidates that I supported running for office). However, after I returned to the traditional workforce in August, I started wearing a lot of business casual clothing and on occasion got more dressed up for work events. Also, because of the pandemic, especially when the Delta variant emerged and before Abby was old enough to be vaccinated, I wore a mask when working in the office most of the time. That definitely took some getting used to and I learned that not only are N95/K95 safer to wear, I also find them more comfortable, especially when wearing my glasses (as they don’t fog up as much).
31. What kept you sane? I will repeat what I wrote last year, as it still holds true…Telehealth (and eventually when it felt safe/post vaccination in person) appointments with my therapist, many Instagram accounts of therapists and other inspiring people (many who are artists/creatives/graphic designers) who help me to cope/make sense of life (especially in these times), listening to music that calms/comforts me while watching the Amazon FireStick screensaver in our basement show me breathtaking scenes and vistas from around the world (a handful of the places I have been and many others I dream of visiting someday, which is especially meaningful to me during another year when we don’t feel it is safe travel), as well as talking with Bob, my mom, and other loved ones (especially a few dear friends) and Zooming with family and friends. The only thing I’d add are starting most days with our family workouts at home in our basement and driving Weasley (my orange VW Beetle) to/from work and taking Abby to their classes at Dance Center Evanston (DCE).
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
A dear friend wrote on social media this morning that Untamed by Glennon Doyle was like their Bible this year. I feel the same way. During a time when I have felt the least connected to my faith and organized religion, Glennon, Amanda “Sister” Doyle and Abby Wambach (as well as the guests they’ve had on their podcast We Can Do Hard Things, have been my pastors/faith leaders and their Pod Squad has felt like my church/community.
I also love just about everything that Todd Baratz @yourdiagnonsense shares on Instagram. Todd is psychotherapist, certified sex therapist and relationship expert. I find his posts affirming and they move me to think about so many things from new/different perspectives.
On twitter one of my favorites is Nelba Márquez-Greene, LMFT @Nelba_MG. Nelba is a bereaved mother, whose daughter Ana Grace died in the school shooting at Sandy Hook in Connecticut in 2012. Nelba tweets a lot about grief and loss and I find what she shares affirming and inspiring. One of my longtime blogging friends introduced me to Nelba’s tweets some years ago and I am grateful for that.
I also really appreciate Nedra Glover Tawwab’s posts about boundaries on Instagram and Facebook. I did buy her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself and am getting a lot out of listening to it. However, I have not finished yet.
33. What political issue(s) stirred you the most? People who didn’t take the pandemic seriously, Trump and his supporters/enablers, those who proclaim MAGA and wear clothing items/display flags and signs with that on it (it hits like the Nazi symbol for me and so many), those who believe/are part of the Q Anon conspiracy, Insurrectionists, White Supremacists, the denial of systemic racism and white male privilege in America, though it is not unique to the U.S., as well as those who do not support and affirm those in the LGBTQ+ community.
34. Who did you miss? My Dad. Those we tend to see on our travels (of which we didn’t really do any this year), our loved ones whom we haven’t been able to see in person much (if at all) without being outside with masks and distancing, our baby girl Molly (who would’ve turned 13 in April) and so many other loved ones who also left this world too soon and are always in our hearts.
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2021.
It’s never too late to go a different direction in life/change course… Hence, our decision and action to move to Evanston.
Also, the idea of “Bless and Release…” Especially when it comes to people that I care about, whom I used to have a close relationship with, that don’t seem interested in maintaining a connection. It makes me sad sometimes and I appreciate that not all friends are going to be lifelong. As *they* say, some may be for one or more seasons and that’s okay. When those people come to mind, I remind myself to “bless and release.” More than one thing can be true at a time… I can appreciate the relationship(s)/closeness that we used to have, while also accepting that going forward that may not continue.
Lastly, the below picture was from our first holiday (Thanksgiving) together at our home inside and in person with family and dear friends since the pandemic began. We missed my dad/Grandpa Kevin immensely. This is also the first family picture taken of the four of us, that wasn’t a selfie, since March 2020.
I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year! Thank you for being a part of my life in 2021!
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