If ever there was a year where it seems like I blinked and it was your birthday again, it might be this one. In some ways it feels as if you just turned 11 and in other ways it has been a really long year, with so many plot twists.
We certainly hoped that by now COVID-19 would be in the rearview mirror and though on some level we understood it might still be an issue, once vaccinations became available (earlier this year), I never imagined things would be as challenging as they are now (because of the more contagious Delta variant).
We’ve been counting down the days until you can get your first shot and are so excited that will be happening this weekend! Which means that by late October you’ll be fully vaccinated, making things a lot safer and easier for you and our family, when it comes to navigating life in the time of a global pandemic.
Sean and you both finally returned to school in April, after over a year of remote learning, for a few months of hybrid classes. This ended up being two days in-person in the classroom and three learning virtually at home. Then this Fall you got to return full time, with masks and other precautionary measures in place.
I am still not super comfortable with how the Chicago Public School system has, and continues to handle, many aspects of their COVID-19 mitigations, however I do believe that vaccinations and masking work, as well as that there are many positives to you and your classmates being able to experience in-person learning again.
The pandemic has impacted every aspect of your and our whole family’s lives in the last 18 months and caused us to re-evaluate the vision we had for our future, which has been both stressful and exciting. I am proud of us for being open to new paths and adventures, as well as that Sean and you are learning that it is okay to change directions at various points in life, as circumstances warrant and/or because you want to.
One of those changes included my applying for jobs and returning to the traditional workforce full time in August, at Northwestern University, after being primarily a stay at home mom for almost 18 years. I appreciate how supportive you have been of my doing this, as I know how much you liked having me around most of the time and what an adjustment that has been for you and all of our family.
The pandemic already had our family, along with so many people around the world, feeling disoriented and then on Thursday, July 1st, my dad/your Grandpa Kevin died unexpectedly. I still struggle to wrap my brain around that reality and how different our corner of the world feels without him in it, at least in the ways we were used to.
This photo helps me to remember one of an endless amount of special memories that we have of times spent with Grandpa Kevin. I took it during one of our few and far between Axe family gatherings (since the pandemic began) in March 2021. We had an outdoor BBQ in our backyard and after the main meal, you offered to make Grandpa Kevin scrambled eggs, as you’d be telling him about how you’d learned to make them for yourself and he had been wanting to try some.
Grandpa Kevin and you had a special connection and his death has hit you especially hard. Grandma Jacquie, Daddy and I were so proud of how you helped to greet/visit with people at Grandpa Kevin’s wake/visitation on Friday, July 9th and when Cora and you read the Prayers of the Faithful at his funeral on Saturday, July 10th. I am glad that Grandpa Kevin’s older brother/my Uncle/your Great Uncle Greg and you took to each other when he came for the services and stayed with us. It was fun to see the way you interacted during that time and I think that would mean/means a lot to Grandpa Kevin.
I know that Grandpa Kevin adored and was/is so very proud of you! I find comfort in thinking about the last time he and I were together, two days before he died, during which he spoke so highly of Sean and you, including mentioning what a great dancer and artist you are, commenting on the picture you had recently drawn for Sean to bring with him to his first real job, as Junior Staff member at the McGaw YMCA Camp Echo this summer. I also know Grandpa Kevin would’ve loved/loves the two pictures that you drew and displayed at his wake/visitation: this one of him looking like an angel, sitting in his blue chair while playing the guitar and the one representing one of his favorite jokes about Elephants hiding in cherry trees.
I am grateful that you share so openly about how you feel, when it comes to your grief, including what brings you comfort, such as things that remind you of Grandpa Kevin and *signs* that he might be sending your/our way, if that is possible after someone has died.
This year you have continued to find joy through various forms of art and creativity, from drawing and animation to spending much of your free time dancing. You’ve also started getting into listening to more pop culture songs/music groups. It’s been almost a year now, since you began taking classes and participating in programs at Dance Center Evanston (DCE). You started out last Fall virtually, moved to hybrid classes in the new year and since this summer have been able to go in-person all the time, always with masks and other precautions in place.
A highlight was your experiences this summer with the Ballet and Broadway Intensive weeks, followed by being cast in a lead role as Charles “Charlie” Wallace performing in the DCE Summer Company’s production of “A Wrinkle in Time.” We were in awe of your ability take on such a unique character, through dancing and acting, while still wearing a mask. As I’ve shared with you many times since, I was both freaked out and blown away by the parts where you/Charlie were possessed.
Other wonderful experiences that you had in this last year of your life include: many fun Zoom and eventually outdoor in-person meetings with our Girl Scout Troop, making Raddish Kids cooking kit meals, getting your first non-hand-me-down bike, which you’ve really enjoyed on our family rides, and spending a week, at the end of the summer on a “Mini Blazers” adventure trip led by Camp Echo staff.
We’ve continued to spend a lot of time at and close to home, just our family of four, barbecuing and hanging out in our backyard, playing games (including cards, Monopoly, and the new to us Catan), binge-watching lots of TV series (Ted Lasso, Cobra Kai, The Mandalorian, A-Typical, Downton Abbey, This is Us, Everything’s Gonna Be Okay and Being Erica), as well as movies and documentaries. We also got to have some creative outdoor visits/gatherings with loved ones, since for much of the year we didn’t think it was safe for us to gather together indoors, especially for meals and celebrations (including holidays, which was bittersweet).
In part because traveling didn’t make sense to us, we’ve also lived through a lot of home improvements since your last birthday, which led to more disruptions to our daily routines. This was especially challenging when the exterior of our house was being painted, which felt like living in a fish bowl at times, and our primary bathroom was being remodeled, which led to all of us sharing Sean and your bathroom for showering.
You are very sentimental, like I am, and appreciate family traditions. You also get emotionally attached to things, so it was difficult for you when we decided to trade in our Chevy Traverse SUV to buy a new VW Atlas earlier this year. You’ve also gotten used to having another driver in the family, since Sean was learning and then finally got his license in June! Daddy and I were very nervous the first time the two of you left on your own, for Sean to drive you to your dance classes in Evanston and overall, those independent experiences have gone well. I guess that comes with the territory when kids/siblings grow up.
I appreciate that you help us to keep your sister Molly’s memory alive, even though you never got to meet her in person, in this lifetime. This year you baked her 13th Heavenly Birthday cake and speculated what Molly might be like as a teenager. We celebrated Molly Day 2021 doing things that we thought she might enjoy, which was fun and also bittersweet, as the anniversary of the day she was born and died always is.
You are still into fashion and your style continues to evolve, most recently you’ve enjoyed going through some of Sean’s older clothes and incorporating them into your wardrobe. One of your signature outfit pieces these days, are your black and grey beanie hats and you love to wear TIE DYE EVERYTHING. You’ve definitely got the vibe of an artist.
You reject traditional gender/identity norms, which I admire, and help me to learn/understand all that entails, including using inclusive terminology and pronouns. I am proud of how open minded and hearted you are, embracing yourself and others, however they identify and feel most true to themselves. Sometimes I am jealous that you get to come of age in a time and place that is more inclusive and accepting that when I was your age, in the late 1980’s, though I get that isn’t the case everywhere in our world, country or even city of Chicago.
It was so exciting on January 20th this year to get to celebrate two major milestones with you: Grandpa Kevin’s 80th Birthday (via an Axe family Zoom) and the Inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris (watching the main events and festivities together on TV)! We both wore pearls, as many women chose to, in honor of our first U.S. Vice President who is a woman and also the first VP to be Black and the first VP to be Asian American. It was a very exciting day to be an American and a girl/woman! I hope and believe that in your lifetime (and mine) that we will see the first female President, as well as a more Presidents who are Black and those who are Brown too.
I heard that one of your favorite musicals, Six (that we got to see back in 2019, at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre), is finally opening on Broadway tonight, after it’s original Broadway opening night, scheduled for March 12, 2020 was cancelled and Broadway went dark for 18 months. That gives me hope, as you begin this next year of your life as a pre-teen.
I feel so blessed and lucky that I get to be your mom.
September 17th is once again a happy day, because you were born 12 years ago!
I love you sooooooooo much and look forward to celebrating with you more tonight and this weekend!
Happy Birthday, Abigail Grace!
Love,
Mommy
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