Oh Happy Day!
Once again, September 17th is a happy day!
Of course it is, because its your birthday!
This picture was taken at the exact minute that you turned 11!
Since you were born at 7:55 a.m., and like to wait to say that you are another year older until that time on your birthday, it was fun for Daddy, Sean and me to sneak into your room, during remote learning this morning, to sing “Happy Birthday” to our officially 11 year old daughter/sister!
I’m not sure where to even begin with this one, as so much about the last six months, today and this next year in your life has been/will be different than what we (or most anyone) might’ve imagined because of the COVID-19 global pandemic.
The first half of your experience being 10 was awesome and filled with so many of the activities and life experiences that you are used to. I scrolled through my Facebook timeline to refresh my memory and it was beyond surreal to reflect on how much we packed into our days/weeks/months before we began distancing, wearing masks and staying home, as much as possible, to be safe/keep our germs to ourselves.
We absolutely had fun with Sean’s and your extracurricular activities (two of your favorites being dance and Junior Girl Scouts), field trips for and special events at your schools (especially your unofficial 4th grade class trip to our state capital in Springfield on Presidents’ Day in February), social/holiday gatherings with family and friends, attending live shows on stage (including SYTYCD Live! and winning the lottery for Hamilton Chicago, where we got to sit in the front row) going to movies in theaters, eating out at restaurants often and more!
And then, as we approached your half birthday on St. Patrick’s Day in March, all bets were off. It wasn’t long before Mayor Lightfoot and Governor Pritzker announced Stay at Home Orders for Chicago and all of Illinois. By mid-late March all non-essential businesses were closed (with the exception of deliveries/curbside pickup), remote learning replaced attending school in person, Daddy started working from home, I stopped teaching group fitness classes in person, and did my best to help us all cope and adapt to spending more time together, at home, then ever before.
It still boggles my mind that our family dinner out on my March 6th birthday was the last time the four of us ate a meal at a restaurant together. Understandably, it took awhile for us to wrap our brains around what all of this meant. Initially we thought you might return to school in person within matter of weeks, then it was months, and now it might not be until next year or longer. Likewise, I don’t think Daddy imagined in the beginning that when he left his office at the Sears (Willis) Tower downtown, in mid-March, that 6 months later he still would not have returned. This experience has definitely taught us so much about what is and isn’t necessary in life, depending on a person’s circumstances, as well as their perspective, including not having to commute to work and/or school, as well as doing things like meeting in person with health care providers for some appointments.
Your ability to adapt this year has been incredible! You’ve been understandably disappointed about so many missed opportunities and cancelled plans, especially the trip we were supposed to take at the end of July with Grandma Jacquie and Dance Gallery Chicago for Dance the World Broadway in NYC, as well as our family’s adventure across the pond, where we’d planned to spend most of August, in the UK.
So much of our family’s and your social connections and interactions have taken place via FaceTime, Zoom and Google Meets over the last 6 months. Though there is so much we’ve missed, including being together in person with many of our loved ones and doing some of our favorites things, I am so proud of how Daddy, Sean, you and I have managed to make the best of this situation. We’ve never spent so much time at home and overall that aspect of this has gone very smoothly.
We do all really enjoy spending time together and have had a lot of fun doing puzzles, playing Euchre, as well as other games, and watching so many movies and TV shows (including Renovation Island on HGTV and #Hamilfilm). We have come to love hanging out and eating meals in our backyard. We’ve also managed to get a lot of overdue home improvement projects taken care of. Rather than traveling far and wide, as we’d hoped and planned to this year, we’ve gone on lots of family bike rides locally, played more than a few rounds of golf and were lucky to get to go twice, just the four of us, to spend time at Grandma and Grandpa Benson’s lake house in Michigan.
In the midst of all of this, you still like to speak and wonder about your sister Molly. You continue to speculate what her interests and hobbies might be. What Hogwarts House would she be sorted into? Would she like to dance as much as you do? You were excited to help plan for our annual celebration on the anniversary of her birth and death, including how to decorate her grave at the cemetery and making a beautiful and delicious cake in her honor and memory.
In recent months you’ve also been asking more questions about our extended family members and dear friends who left this world too soon. You’ve been especially interested in Daddy and my grandparents, as well as my childhood friends/the sisters that I grew up babysitting for, wanting to know some of my favorite memories of them, what they might think about you (if you could’ve met in this lifetime) and if there are things you all might have had in common.
You are so kind, creative, sensitive and empathetic. You’ve have become a great conversationalist, asking thoughtful and engaging questions, which you are genuinely interested in the answers to. This year we’ve also made a lot of progress helping you to deal with your anxiety. Though the details are yours (and not mine) to share, I am so proud of all the things you have been open to trying, many of which are making a positive difference in how you cope with and navigate difficult feelings, emotions and challenges in your life.
Earlier this year, in February, you also decided to try contacts, mostly because you wanted to be able to dance/perform without your glasses on. It certainly helped that the mom of one of your closest friends happens to be an optometrist, who adores you, is incredibly patient and wanted to help you succeed in learning to wear them. You were very determined to get them in and out yourself, once you made up your mind, and we were all amazed and impressed by how quickly you mastered the art of doing so.
Then, last month, after another one of your friends turned 10 and got her ears pierced for her birthday, you started contemplating getting yours done as well. You didn’t rush to a decision, rather you researched all that is involved, including watching YouTube videos of other children your age getting their ears pierced, while taking precautions (such as wearing masks and making sure everything is extra clean/sanitary) because of the pandemic. After you determined you were ready, we discussed going ahead with it, rather than having you wait and anticipate, for another month, until your birthday. Daddy and I agreed it would be your early birthday gift from us, along with some additional earrings that you picked out, to start wearing after you take out your birthstone sapphire studs that you choose to be pierced with. I have such special memories of being with you that day, especially how nervous-cited and brave you were!
Last week, your first of school/remote learning as a 5th grader, you were assigned an “All About Me” project. Your teacher commented how much she loved your answers and two in particular stood out/stuck with me, as they were both sweet and creative, in terms of how you chose to interpret the questions. The first was, “Who is your favorite team?” and your awesome answer was, “my friends and me!” The second was, “What is your favorite kind of car?” and you enthusiastically shared, “Weasley, my mom’s orange VW Beetle!”
It’s more than okay to grieve what might’ve been this year, as well as to be sad and angry that some of our country’s leaders, including the President and his administration, haven’t done their jobs effectively to protect us and in many cases have made things worse by the choices they have made. It’s also appropriate to feel frustrated and disappointed that so many of our fellow Americans, including some of our loved ones, haven’t taken the pandemic as seriously as we have, which also contributes to the state of our nation being so much worse than most of the other countries around the world. It’s not right that the US has 4% of the world’s population and 20% of it’s coronavirus cases. It didn’t have to this bad and it has been extremely difficult for me not to peservate on that.
One of my favorite authors, Megan Devine, a bereaved therapist who lost her partner unexpectedly, when he drowned accidently at age 39, writes and talks a lot about finding “refuge in grief.” Megan says that we don’t have to “look for the gift(s)” in our grief, and that can be applied to this difficult and uncertain time we are living in, though we have been able, and I believe will continue, to find some “glitter in the grey.” I am grateful that your Daddy, Sean, you and I enjoy each others’ company so much that staying safe at home hasn’t been too big of a burden for us.
I don’t know when or how our life and world will get back to the way it was before, if it ever does. As many people have said, and I agree, there is a lot we’d be better off not returning to. The pandemic has also (directly and indirectly) helped to shine a light on so many systemic issues in our country and world that desperately need reform, in effort to be more fair and equitable for all people, including racism, income inequality and climate change.
Being a presidential election year, our family has talked a lot about what we hope and believe our country’s leaders could and should be doing for the American people. I am proud that Sean and you have wanted to learn about, discuss and try to understand what is happening and why, as well as to be involved in advocating for change. It was an honor to stand with both of you, at one of the prominent intersections in our community, while wearing masks and distancing from others who also care and were there, for many evenings in June, as part of a peaceful demonstration in support of the Black Lives Matter movement. I hope that as you continue to grow and mature, in the years to come, that you’ll keep Maya Angelou’s words in mind, remembering to always do the best that you can until you know better and then do better.
The start of this new decade in our world and your life certainly hasn’t gone as most of us imagined, hoped and planned. It isn’t safe for us to go skating at an indoor rink (as we did on Leap Day, at one of your friend’s super fun Harry Potter themed birthday parties, back in February) or do much of anything indoors (besides at our own home), for more than a quick errand or a health care appointment right now. That is our current reality and, as we’ve discussed many times in recent months, we’re going to have to do our best to continue to take things as they come and figure it out as we go.
Though this isn’t how you are used to celebrating your birthday, I am proud of you for making the most of what it is. Daddy, Sean and I have enjoyed what we have done together in your honor today and look forward to your Birthday Craft Party, with some close friends, over Zoom this weekend!
We love you so much, Abigail Grace!
September 17th is and will always be a happy day because of YOU!
Happy 11th Birthday, dear Abby!!!
Love,
Mommy
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