My London Semester Journal II: Thursday, March 14, 1996

Thursday, 3-14-96
9:13 PM London
3:13 PM E-Town

I just got some happy/sad news… I talked to Ron Weasley & he got a “real” job! I am very happy for him, but I am sad that he will not be able to therefore return to camp this summer… I cherish our friendship and was looking forward to it growing at camp. But, I guess our friendship is meant to be that of a correspondence now. I will still go to his house for Easter & he may come with us to Scotland, but then… Well, I won’t think about that now.

Today has been a bizarre day… full of changing emotions! Coupled with the fact that I am way into The Celestine Prophecy, my state of mind is somewhat warped. Well, I dunno if warped is really how I feel. There is just a lot for me to make sense of at the moment…

Another thing, rather person that is very much on my mind at the moment is Lloyd Bradford. Jacquie has been e-mailing me that he wants to write me & that he misses our friendship… I guess he feels many things were left unresolved in our relationship & he wants us to get back in touch.

I am not sure what I think about all this…. I believe Lloyd needs some time to find himself… kinda how I have been doing since this summer….

This afternoon I wandered around the city a lot. I was in the area of Trafalgar Square after an Architecture field trip & felt like looking at some art. So I found myself heading towards the National Gallery which seemed right…

Once I arrived I ended up in front of an exhibit called “At Home with Constable’s Cornfield.” It was centered around John Constable’s famous painting of a nature/countryside scene with trees arching over a path towards a cornfield. There was a man by a fence leading to the field. The path had sheep on it heading towards the corn. It also had a dog behind them. There is a town in the distance. A river or steam runs alongside the path & a small boy is lying next to it, drinking from it.

The exhibit featured what began as an art student’s research project, in which he asked in a newspaper ad for anyone who had a print of the painting or anything else with the picture on it to contact him… then the National Gallery got involved in the search & over 500 people responded!

The exhibit focused on a small # of those who responded & their stories of how they each acquired their replica of Constable’s “Cornfield,” and what it means to each of them, why it is special in their home & life…

I spent a long while observing each piece & reading each story. There was also a video w/ interviews which I enjoyed. I ended up buying a thin book about the exhibit for mom. In the book it has all the people & their replicas & their stories… I believe mom will really enjoy it!

Then I bought her a paper weight of a monet painting of Big Ben & Parliament on the Thames portrayed in a fog. The paperweight seemed right for: we saw the Monet exhibit at the Art Institute of Chicago this summer together; a paperweight is usually on the desk of a teacher; it will remind her of how she helped to make her youngest daughter’s study abroad experience for a semester in London possible; and — going full circle — now she has a replica of a famous painting that has special meaning to her…

I put a lot of energy into putting that all together, but got a lot of joy from it as well…

My favorite quote from the “Cornfield” exhibit — that really spoke to me, was by Ian Fleming Williams (author of several books on Constable), he said about the painting that, “for (him) it is just full of marvellous observation and after looking at it for quite a time (he) walk(s) away and see(s) things more clearly and vividly. Things look more exciting than they did beforehand. And that, (he) feel(s), is what pictures can do for you. They can condition the way you see things.”

When I realized my urge to go see some art today… I was at a point where I felt like I was taking my being in this amazing place for granted. But seeing this exhibit, like Williams said, helped to make things more clear, vivid, & exciting!

CHEERS! ☺︎

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Note from Present Day Kathy: It’s been over 2 months since the last time I shared one of my London Semester Journal entries and so much has happened since then, including my first trip back to England in almost 24 years!

The beginning of this entry was very bittersweet for me to revisit, as today is (not his real name) Ron’s birthday. As I’ve shared in previous entries, sadly Ron died (of brain cancer) in September 2014 and if he had lived longer, he would be turning 47. Though I try not to get too hung up on it, when reflecting on what might’ve been, Ron’s getting a “real” FT job back then was a game changer for our relationship. At the time we were still “just friends,” however I’ve often wondered how things would’ve played out if Ron had returned to camp that summer. Maybe, knowing we’d be spending another summer together, we wouldn’t have allowed ourselves to explore a different version of “us,” as more than friends, so as not to jeopardize things if we didn’t work out that way. Conversely, maybe it could’ve given us a stronger foundation to build on and our relationship would have lasted longer than it did. Though it took me awhile to get over the dream that summer, of spending my life with Ron, after our connection faded, somehow I managed to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on. I ended up meeting Bob that September, after we both returned to the University of Illinois for our senior year in college, and this September we will have been married for 20 years.

As I’ve also shared here, since finding out about Ron’s death in July 2018 (almost 4 years after he died), returning to these journal entries from my semester abroad, as well as reading the letters that Ron wrote me back then, and being able to view them from the perspective I have at age 44 helps me see our connection differently, as well as to better understand why things didn’t work out. So many factors played into how we got together and why we didn’t stay that way. Though it is bittersweet for me to think about, I get that it is the nature of life and our relationships. Of course, Ron is not the only old friend that I’ve grown apart from over the years. There are so many reasons we get close to people at various ages and stages and then lose touch. What has made this more difficult for me is that there may have been more to our story, than the narrative I created for myself to cope that summer of 1996 and that I returned to over the years, when Ron would cross my mind, and that is something I’ve had to work on making peace with since learning of his death.

All of this said, a silver lining, not that we always get or have to find them, in my learning of Ron’s death has been re-connecting and building a close friendship with his younger sister (not her real name) Ginny, as well as others in the (not their real last name) Weasley family, who felt like my UK family/home away from home during my semester abroad in 1996 and welcomed me back with open arms when I returned 2 months ago, in November 2019. It was incredible to see and spend time with Ron and Ginny’s parents again, after all these years. I also got to meet some of Ron’s children and other loved ones who meant a lot to him. My heart breaks for all of them, when I think about Ron not being there in person for special milestones and every day moments. However, it works for me to believe that Ron is always with them in spirit and so very proud of who they are/how they live their lives, as they continue to honor his memory and legacy.

While back in Southampton in November, Ginny took me to see two of the three places where they distributed Ron’s ashes. One was the cemetery where a lot of their family is buried that, as I’ll share in a future entry, Ron actually took me to see during my first trip to visit him/his family in April 1996. The other location is a beautiful park in Southampton, called Holly Hill Woodland, where they have a bench in Ron’s honor and memory with this beautiful view of the trees and pond there.

A quick note about the aliases I have chosen to use for these London Semester Journal posts, when I started sharing and reflecting on them here, in 2018, I was reading the Harry Potter series with Abby and, in many ways, (not his real name) Ron’s family were to me in 1996 what the Weasley’s were to Harry, another family/home away from home. So though most of the other aliases I came up with don’t have much meaning or significance, it seemed fitting in this case.

There was a lot more in the section about (not his real name) Lloyd in this entry, but as I explain in my Reminder (at the end of every London Semester Journal post), I will not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me. This is one of those instances.

I continue to find it amusing how much I used “…” in my entries back then.

I loved getting to be reminded of the time I spent at the National Gallery that day, how drawn I’d felt to going there, and to the exhibit about Constable’s “Cornfield,” as well as the thoughtful gifts I bought for my mom. I especially got a kick out of all the reasons I gave for getting her the paperweight! As I may share in a later entry, I ended up returning to the gift shop at The National Gallery, at some point that semester, and buying more paperweights with Monet’s “The Thames below Westminster” on them, for myself and others as souvenirs from my time in London. I still have one today and keep it on the desk in our home office.

I also really appreciated the quote I shared by Ian Fleming Williams about what the painting (and pictures in general) does for him/can do for others. I absolutely feel that way about art, in all its forms, including: paintings, pictures, music, movies and reading books/stories. For me, back then (though I’m not sure how much I realized it at the time) and more so now, writing also really helped/helps me to process my life experiences and see things more clearly. When I am struggling I often feel drawn to write in a journal and/or share my thoughts here on my blog, as it usually helps me to make some sense of things.

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Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.

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Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.