I came across this quote today from Laura Kelly Fanucci, a fellow bereaved mom, via a friend/dad who is grieving and remembering (after the recent death of his baby) on this, October 15th, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
These words struck and ring true for me, almost 14 years since we experienced our first of three pregnancy losses and over 10 years since our daughter Molly was born and died.
The sentiment also applies to my other loved ones who have died, from grandparents and other relatives to friends of all ages, over the years.
Our children’s pediatrician told us after Molly died that we would continue to have to explain what happened to Sean, as he will understand and process her life and death differently as he grows older and matures. The same goes for Abby, though she never got to meet their sister in this lifetime.
I think that can also be true for those grieving and remembering at any age and stage of life.
I have certainly been changed, mostly for the better, through my experiences with grief and remembering those who left this world too soon (for me).
Of course processing grief is extremely painful and not something I wish on anyone. That said, every time another loved one dies, or I am thinking about someone who I care about that died, my capacity for compassion and empathy seems to grow.
I am reminded of all the little and large ways that others can touch our hearts and impact the trajectory of our lives.
Sometimes people help to change our lives through our connections in this lifetime, no matter how long or brief our time together may’ve been. I am also learning, as Laura said in the quote I shared, from her blog post, that spoke to me today, how “memory continues to change the living.”
I am grateful for how my bereavement always brings me back to all the ways that I am blessed.
That doesn’t mean I don’t feel very sad at times and struggle with the deaths of my loved ones, whether they were more recent or many years ago.
On this October 15th/National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I wish you peace and comfort in your grief and remembering, whether that includes a child(ren) of your own that died, those of loved ones, and/or any loss(es) you may still be working through.
We never get over the death of our loved ones, but we can learn to live without them.
And, now I know, we can appreciate they ways that their memory continues to help us change for the better, as we move forward with our lives.
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