How are you feeling?
What are your plans for tomorrow?
Welcome to the fourteenth edition of my “Gatekeeping” blog series. I shared the back story of these simple and yet powerful questions in this post.
It’s been well over a year since we last did some Gatekeeping here.
In recent years I’ve been surprised by how much time has passed in between my Gatekeeping posts. As when I started doing them I’d usually share one every few months.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day and in thinking about how to honor that, participate, and spread the word, I decided Gatekeeping would be a good way start…
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Over the past seven years, I have lost loved ones to suicide. I realize that there is likely nothing I could have done to change the outcome of their lives, but it is something that I struggle with as I continue to work through my grief and try to make peace with these people taking their own lives.
I know that many of us suffer in silence when we are going through difficult and uncertain times in our lives. It doesn’t have to be that way.
I am not asking you to tell me your secrets or your problems, unless you want to of course. But I invite you to check in here periodically (you can also email me or send a Facebook message) and let me know how you are feeling and what plans you may have for tomorrow.
Here’s an excerpt from the post I referenced above called Gatekeepers:
My favorite line in Meg (Hutchinson’s) song (called Gatekeepers) is, “maybe every day, in ordinary ways, we hold each other on, we keep each other here.”
I think that is so profound and it certainly rings true for me.
There have been countless people throughout my life that have been “Gatekeepers” to me. Though I have never seriously considered taking my own life and strongly believe that I will never do so, I have survived some very rough patches where my self-esteem and self-worth were severely challenged.
I love the idea that in “ordinary ways” we can make extraordinary differences in the journeys of loved ones and even strangers that we meet throughout the course of our day-to-day lives.
Kevin “the Gatekeeper” Briggs has done so by asking those two simple questions of strangers he has met contemplating jumping (off the Golden Gate Bridge), Meg Hutchinson has done so through her music and song, Bob Edwards has done so with the stories he shares on his radio show and you all have done so for me over the years through your comments here, your caring ways, your love and your support as my readers, fellow bloggers, friends and family members.
Thank you so very much.
I post “Gatekeeping” blog entries now and then and hope that they present the opportunity for anyone who reads them who is having a hard time coping with challenges they are facing in life to share. That said, you are certainly welcome to comment about the things you are feeling good about too. I believe that being able to recognize and name the things we are grateful for is essential to help us find peace and joy in our lives. That is part of why I loved participating in Lori’s Perfect Moment Mondays.
Sometimes it’s the little things than can help keep us a float when we feel like we are drowning. Just knowing that others care and want to know how we are feeling, as well as being able to think about what we might do tomorrow has the power to help us get through tough times.
Thank you for reading. I hope that however you are doing today that you know there are people in your life (I am one of them) who care about how you are feeling and want to know what your plans, hopes and dreams are for tomorrow and the days to come.
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I will start us off by answering the questions myself:
I am feeling…
Perplexed — Three times over the past three weeks I have eaten things that didn’t agree with me and got sick, including feeling super bloated and nauseous, with an upset stomach. Today I made an appointment with my PCP (for next Monday) to discuss next steps and whether I may have developed some food allergies and/or sensitivities and/or could be having gallbladder issues.
Sad — About 6 weeks ago I found out that an old friend died of a brain tumor 4 years ago. Grief is not linear and I continue to cycle through all of the stages, as I mourn his death and recall what made him such a unique person and so special to me. On this World Suicide Prevention Day, I am also remembering and grieving the loss of my loved ones, and others, who died by suicide. And I found out this weekend that my junior high principal, and former mayor of my hometown of Evanston, Lorraine Morton, died on Saturday. She was 99 and lived an incredibly full and inspiring life, however I am still sad that she has passed away.
Tired — In part because of my grieving, I have had some trouble falling asleep at night and thus am not sleeping as much or as soundly as I typically do, which is causing me to feel less rested lately.
Grateful — In light of my friend’s death and this World Suicide Prevention Day, I recognize how blessed and lucky I am for my dear family and friends who are still here. Whenever I am struggling, thinking about what I am thankful for often helps me gain needed perspective and feel somewhat better. I am also feeling grateful for Lorraine Morton’s impact on me and my classmates, during such formative years in our lives (for me between 1986-1989), and my hometown/Evanston, where I was honored to vote in an election for the first time (at age 18) for my former principal, Mrs. Morton, when she first ran for mayor and won in 1993 (an office she held for 16 years).
Cool — Yesterday was the Opening of the 50 Years…50 Families Exhibit at the Beverly Arts Center by Diego Martirena (Maplewood Photography). Our family was invited to participate back in March and had our portraits done in April, along with 49 other awesome local families, representing thousands who have been involved with the BAC over the past 50 years. It was so fun to finally see which pictures photographer Diego chose to use of our family, in our 1960’s vintage clothing (the decade we were asked to portray), along with all of the other family portraits! I found our outfits on Etsy and eBay, which was fun. We chose to do Boy Scout and Brownie Girl Scout uniforms from back then for Sean and Abby, along with 1960’s MOD style for Bob and me. Bob wore a Ban-Lon Shirt with windowpane trousers. I wore a shift dress (in my fav color), with ostrich finish leather pumps, hoop earrings and even found a 1960’s vintage MOD style butterfly pin to wear/represent Molly in our family portrait. The exhibit includes “25 photos set in the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s will pay tribute to the early years of the BAC, and 25 photos feature the facility, staff and artistic disciplines,” and runs through November 4th.
My plans for tomorrow/the days to come…
This is the second week of the school year for our freshman in high school/9th grader and 3rd grader, so we are still getting back into the swing of things. Abby’s after school activities (dance and swim team) start this week, so our schedule will be getting busier and I’ll be doing more chauffeuring/carpooling. Sean has a meeting after school today about the fall play, which he intends to audition for and hopes to be cast in.
I have an appointment with my therapist on Wednesday morning and look forward to attending the Steppenwolf Theatre Season Preview event Wednesday evening with Bob. On Thursday I’ll be teaching PiYo again at Beverly Bodyworks, which I am loving, and that night we have Sean’s Back to School/Parent Night. Finally, this weekend we will also kick off the celebration of Abby’s 9th birthday, one week from today, as she is having a small sleepover birthday party with a few close friends.
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