An Open Apology

Dear family and friends,

I am not a doctor or nurse. I have no medical credentials, unless you loosely consider my knowledge of anatomy that I gained through studying to become a certified group fitness instructor. I have spent many years consulting with Dr. Google and other online “experts” about all things related to pregnancy, secondary infertility and loss. I get that through doing so I have learned a lot, more than most people will ever care or need to know about these topics. However, that still does not make me qualified to speak as if I am a trained medical professional.

So lately when I have talked with some of you, especially those who are dealing with issues and situations related to pregnancy, I know that I have at times crossed the line with my input and “advice.” I pride myself on trying not to give unsolicited advice, but after all I have experienced myself with pregnancy and loss, it can be difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when we are discussing your personal experiences with pregnancy and loss.

I know that you know I have good intentions. But just because I mean well doesn’t mean that I don’t have to be responsible for what I do and say.  I want the best for you and your loved ones. I worry about you, and your babies, because I know too much about what can happen with pregnancy at any stage of development. It is an occupational hazard of being a bereaved mom and having experienced pregnancy loss many times over.

I sometimes wish I could get back to that time and place when I was more innocent and naive about what can go wrong with a pregnancy. I wish that when you approach me to discuss what is happening in your lives that I didn’t feel so compelled to share my two cents with you. As I get that most of the things that I tell you will likely not significantly change the outcomes of your situations.

As you probably know, I do this because I care. But I also appreciate that sometimes you would rather be “in the dark” about what could happen and not have as much information as I offer you to consider, as you wait and wonder about the fate of your babies. I want to help you feel positive and optimistic that you will get to bring your babies home. I want you to want to talk with me about your hopes and fears. However, I don’t want our interactions to add to your fears and take away some of your hope.

So though I have already apologized to some of you in person, I imagine there may be others whom I have offended that I am not aware. For this reason, I wanted to share this “open apology,” to remind you how much I care and how desperately I wish, hope and pray that you get to have the family in your hopes and dreams.

Going forward I will continue to try to be more mindful of what I say to you when we talk. Its not that I think you are over sensitive, I just realize now that I don’t always have to share every thought that comes to mind as it relates to your pregnancies and situations, just because I may have had a similar experience or know someone who has.

I wish you the best on your journeys to build and expand your families. I feel blessed and lucky to know you and be a part of your lives. I am grateful that you trust me enough to share so openly and honestly with me about your hopes, dreams and fears and I hope that you will continue to come to me for the support, encouragement and unconditional love that I want to to give you.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you accept my apology.