“Hey Jealousy…”

“If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” That’s a quote from a song by the Gin Blossoms that I have always taken to heart. The song is called “Hey Jealousy” and the title of, and that line from, it have been on my mind today. One of the things I have struggled most with over the past three years, during which we have been trying to conceive and sustain another pregnancy, has been my jealousy of friends and family members who have been able to conceive and deliver healthy babies, especially when it is not their first child and/or their first child is Sean’s age or even younger.

Though I do feel genuine happiness for my friends and family when I find out they are expecting and/or have given birth, and want the best for them/their families/their children, I find it hard sometimes. Over the past few days two of my close friends (one whom I have known since high school and the other since college) have told me they are expecting. One of them is even having twins (conceived “naturally,” not through assisted reproductive technology)! As much as I know that other people’s pregnancies have nothing to do with whether or not I will be able to conceive or sustain a pregnancy again, I do get jealous sometimes and struggle with others getting what I have wanted and tried for, for so long.

Anyway, I have gotten feedback that my blog posts are often so upbeat and positive and “how can that be possible?” given my situation with trying to conceive #2 for all this time, and everything we have been through on our journey. Well, as much as I pride myself on being an optimistic person, I do have “off days” too. So I thought rather than keeping my feelings inside today, I would share them. Thank you for letting me vent and for your thoughts and prayers as I work this through. I choose to believe that things happen for a reason. Though I may not be able to understand why some people are able to conceive/sustain pregnancies more easily than others. I hope and pray that someday Bob and I will be able to look back at this time in our lives and make some sense of why this all has happened this way.

I will report back tomorrow after my 1st monitoring appointment for this cycle! 🙂 The injections have been going very well and Bob did a great job this morning giving me the Repronex injection in my backside (with no ice beforehand)!