I Am Still Holding Out.

Good afternoon! I am still holding out. I am holding out on not taking a home pregnancy test (hpt) before my “Beta” blood test on Wednesday and also holding out hope that our 1st IVF cycle may have been successful! Today I am 8dp5dpt (13 dpo). Only two more days to go! 🙂

I can do this, I can wait, two days isn’t that much longer and as my therapist use to tell me, “there will be a resolution.” This is some of the self talk I have been feeding myself over the past few days… It works at least some of the time. The rest of the time I am just trying not to drive myself or my husband crazy thinking and talking about whether or not these ongoing cramps, which have been getting worse by the day, mean anything and trying to figure out, as if this is a problem that could actually be solved, whether or not I am pregnant! 😉 All that said I would still rather be in limbo then take an HPT and get a negative right now. So the wait continues…

We had a nice and relatively low key weekend. The highlight was attending our Goddaugther’s younger brother’s 1st birthday party on Saturday! It was fun to see and spend time with our Goddaughter, the birthday boy, their parents and some of their close friends and family celebrating such a special milestone! Sean had a great time playing with his “Godsister” and friends! Yesterday we made it to church for the first time in three weeks. It is unlike us to miss church, but two weeks ago my ovaries felt like they were going to explode (two days before the ER) and I didn’t think I could still up in a prone position for an hour and last Sunday I was in the midst of my ET. Excuses, excuses… It was nice though to be back in our faith community, especially during this uncertain time. I also spent a lot of time over the weekend catching up on editing pictures for our monthly online family albums that I send out to family and friends (as most of you probably already know and receive). It helped me to get my mind off the big question and I felt a great sense of accomplishment when I was able to send out “December 2006 & January 2007!”

Symptom watch: As I mentioned above, my most pronounced symptom is an ongoing feeling of crampiness. My uterus just feels very achy. Sometime late in the day yesterday the cramps got significantly worse and I started to worry that it might mean my period is coming, but I haven’t had any spotting and I as I shared in an earlier post, to the best of my memory I had cramps like this when I was pregnant with Sean. So go figure. Besides cramps, I continue to feel bloated, somewhat constipated (though my daily dose of Metamucil seems to have gotten this mostly under control), heavy feeling breasts (though I know the PIO can cause this), emotional/hormonal (I haven’t cried today, but many times felt like I might any second, especially while reading potential Mother’s Day cards at the Hallmark store), some lower back pain and fatigue.

This morning Sean woke up at 5:45 a.m. He seems to wake up earlier by the day, so I am going to have to look into why he might be doing this and what, if anything, we might be able to do about it. In the meantime, we are sucking it up and he is likewise taking earlier and earlier naps each day to compensate. Today he was asleep for his nap by noon! This afternoon he has his soccer class, so that will hopefully be a fun outlet for him to play with friends and get some exercise. Tonight I look forward to having a relaxing evening watching two of my favorite shows: “Dancing with the Stars” and (I will admit it) “The Bachelor!” I wonder if tonight will be the most dramatic rose ceremony ever?! 😉

Thank you for reading! Thanks also, as always, for your continued support, thoughts and prayers!