Let’s do the Time Warp again!

Welcome to the twenty-first installment of my blog hop/writing exercise called Time Warp Tuesday!

For those not familiar with Time Warp Tuesdays, which I host on the 2nd Tuesday of every month, here is the background of how and why I came up with the idea. If you are here to participate and link up, you can do so with the Linky Tools at the end of this post (or if you have any difficulty, you can share the link to your post in the comment section).

The gist of Time Warp Tuesday is to revisit and share some of our favorite blog entries from our archives and reflect on our journeys since we wrote them.

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The theme for this month’s Time Warp Tuesday is: Fear

This month’s writing prompt was to look for a blog entry in your archives where you wrote about fear. This topic seemed to speak for itself and I think it can be interpreted however you choose. Then write a new post on your blog about why you chose the post that you did and what has happened in your life since.

Participants can write about whatever you want in your new blog entries. However, for those who might have needed some help and inspiration to get started, here are some questions to consider:

Why did you pick this post? Has your perspective changed since the day you wrote your original post? Do you think you would still feel the same way if you were writing your post today? What have you learned about yourself, your family and your life since you wrote your original post?

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Time Warp Tuesday: Fear

After writing about mothering and fathering the past two months, I was ready to get back to a more basic and broad topic. In doing so I hope that more of you are able to find posts that speak to this theme that you want to reflect on and share about. I did not have a specific blog entry from my archives in mind when I chose to reflect on “fear” this month. So I did a search for the term on my blog and was fascinated to see what old blog entries came up. After skimming through a number of them, I was drawn to ones that I wrote during my pregnancy with our “rainbow baby” Abby. Though I certainly experienced a lot of fear much of the time when I carried Molly, especially after we found out it was unlikely she would survive long after her birth, if she was born alive at all, the fear that felt while I was pregnant with Abby was different and in many ways harder for me to cope with.

The blog entry that I picked to revisit this month is one that I wrote when I was about eight weeks pregnant with Abby. It was the next post that I wrote after announcing on my blog that we were expecting again, only nine months after losing Molly. Though we had been open to conceiving again at the time, we thought it was unlikely and virtually impossible that we could or would get pregnant on our own, without medical assistance, after having dealt with secondary infertility and loss for four years at that point and doing IVF/FET to have Molly. So finding out that we somehow had managed to conceive again on our own was surprising, bittersweet and scary for us after all we had been through up to that point.

Here is a link to my post:

No News is Good News

Please go and read the post that I am reflecting on today (and comment if you choose), if you haven’t already, and then come back here to see what I have to say about my journey since I wrote it.

***Here is where you left off before you stopped to read my old post.***

It is often surreal for me to go back and read blog entries here that I wrote awhile ago, in this case it’s been 3 1/2 years. I still remember well how much fear I felt during my pregnancy with Abby and how difficult it was for me to picture actually getting to bring her home from the hospital after she was born.

The hardest thing for me over the past few weeks has been trying to believe that it is possible that this pregnancy could be normal and that we might actually get to bring this baby home. I am usually a very positive and optimistic person, but after all we have been through over the past 4 1/2 years trying to expand our family, I think I am just trying to protect myself from getting my hopes up too much this early on.

I think a lot of the fear that we feel in our lives is a way of trying to protect ourselves from pain and sadness. But I believe that most of the time we are better off facing our fears and learning to deal with what that means for us.

I was recently listening one of my favorite Garth Brook’s songs called Standing Outside the Fire. I think it really speaks to how much more fruitful our lives are when we are able to confront our fears. As the song goes, “life is not tried, it is merely survived, if you’re standing outside the fire.” That definitely rings true for me.

Another part of this post that I found interesting to reflect on, which also seemed to resonate with my readers in their comments, was when I shared about an experience that I had at the time reconnecting with an old friend on Facebook who had just shared the news she was expecting again and was 12 weeks pregnant with her third child.

We had a brief exchange back and forth during which I congratulated her on her pregnancy. She replied that now that she was almost in her second trimester that she was really getting excited and also a bit scared. Not thinking twice about what she meant by that, I replied that being scared was understandable, but that making it to twelve weeks gestation was a big deal and that odds are everything would be just fine with her baby.

It wasn’t long after I sent her that message that I thought about our exchange more and realized that I think my friend wasn’t referring to being scared about the rest of her pregnancy and the health/safety of her unborn baby. Rather, when she said she was scared, she meant about the prospect of having three kids to take care of. “Most people” probably would have known right away that it was she was referring to, but those of us who have had pregnancy losses see the world differently.

As we often say in the Adoption/Loss/Infertility (ALI) Community and one of the greatest lessons I have learned from my experience living through secondary infertility and loss is that is it less of an “ALI thing” and more a of a “sensitivity thing.” So in addition to trying to work through what we fear, I also think it is important to try to find and/or do some good with what with the knowledge we have gained from getting through scary, difficult and uncertain times in our lives.

Since our pregnancy with Abby and her healthy birth three years ago this September, I feel blessed and lucky to have been able to help and minister to many other women and couples experiencing a subsequent pregnancy after loss (SPAL). It is a bittersweet gift for me to be able to pay forward the same care, concern and support that I received from others who also carried and got to bring home rainbow babies.

One of the reasons I chose and continue to choose to blog after our journey through secondary infertility and loss felt resolved is to try to help others who are also learning to cope and find joy when life doesn’t go as we hope, dream or plan. Writing, sharing and connecting with others who “get it” makes me feel like all of this, especially the fear I felt over the years trying to expand our family, was not in vain.

I find listening to song lyrics therapeutic, especially when I am feeling scared, and since I quoted that Garth Brooks earlier in this post, I will leave you with the lyrics to his inspiring anthem about overcoming our fears:

Standing Outside the Fire

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned

But you’ve got to be tough when consumed by desire
‘Cause it’s not enough just to stand outside the fire

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They’re so hell-bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it’s not living if you stand outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire

There’s this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can’t abide
Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire

Thank you for reading and for doing the Time Warp with me this month! I look forward to your feedback about this post, as well as reading and commenting on all of yours.

Please feel free to comment even if you didn’t write your own Time Warp Tuesday post. It is not too late to participate if you are interested, click here for the details.

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The topic for the next Time Warp Tuesday (on August 14th) is: Left Behind

Look for a blog entry in your archives where you wrote about what it feels like to live on after the death of a loved one.  The person’s passing may have been sudden and unexpected or possibly they died after an battling an illness. Your post may have dealt with what that loved one meant to you, special memories you have of them and/or how you were coping and incorporating their legacy into your life at the time. As always, feel free to interpret this topic however you choose. Then write a new post on your blog about why you chose the post that you did and what has happened in your life since.

Participants can write about whatever you want in your new blog entries. However, for those who might need some help and inspiration to get started, here are some questions to consider:

Why did you pick this post? Has your perspective changed since the day you wrote your original post? Do you think you would still feel the same way if you were writing your post today? What have you learned about yourself, your family and your life since you wrote your original post?

Note: If you have an idea for a future Time Warp topic, theme and/or writing prompt, please feel free to share it in the comment section or send me an email. If I choose to use your idea, I will give you credit and link to your blog that month.

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For those new to Time Warp Tuesday, here is a quick recap of how it works:

1) Browse through your old blog entries to find one that fits the topic for the given month. The topic is shared at the end of the previous month’s “Time Warp Tuesday” post here on my blog (see above for next week’s topic).

2) Write a new blog post in which you introduce, link to and then reflect on your journey since you wrote the older blog post and put it up on your blog on Tuesday. Please include this link http://bereavedandblessed.com/projects-regular-series/time-warp-tuesdays/ in your blog entry, so your readers can find their way to my post with the list of other participants, in case they would like to read more or participate themselves.

3) Share the link to your new post here on Tuesday and then visit, read and comment on the other blogs.

4) After you have done all of these things, you are welcome to grab the code for the Time Warp Tuesday button by clicking here and put it on your blog. The link will take you to a Google Doc where you can copy the code. If your browser does not allow access to your computer’s clipboard, you can use Ctrl-C for Copy and Ctrl-V for Paste, or use your browser’s Edit menu.

5) Check back here on the 2nd Tuesday of the month to find out the new topic, theme or question for the next Time Warp Tuesday (I welcome your ideas and suggestions) and then return to Step 1 of this recap to participate. Please let me know if you have any questions and I hope to see you back here next month: Tuesday, August 14th (the 2nd Tuesday of the month), when we’ll “do the time warp again!”

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Thank you again for reading, commenting and participating in my Time Warp Tuesday blog hop. Link up below and click through to visit others who are doing the Time Warp! (If you have any trouble with Linky Tools, please share the link to your blog entry in the comment section.  Also, please don’t forget to comment on my post here, as I do not have a link to this (my own) post below, but I would still really appreciate your feedback. xoxo


{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

1 missohkay July 10, 2012 at 11:36 am

I really identify with this: “I think a lot of the fear that we feel in our lives is a way of trying to protect ourselves from pain and sadness…” (which corresponds nicely with the blog post I’ve been composing in my head for this month’s prompt). I think everyone who has experienced pregnancy after loss inevitably tries to protect themselves from the pain by expecting the worst (or at least being unable to picture the happy outcome they want). In my case, I think the self-protection might have been worse than actually dealing with the unhappy outcome when it occurred. I’m glad you’ve been able to “pay it forward” and help other women feel more at ease (and obviously glad that your pregnancy resulted in Abby!)
missohkay recently posted..Out of the mouths of babesMy Profile

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2 Kathy July 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I am glad that my words resonate with you and appreciate your validation of what I shared. I agree that sometimes the self-protection/anticipation is/can be worse the what may actually happen.

So excited that you decided to do the Time Warp again this month! I really enjoyed your posts (both old and new). 🙂
Kathy recently posted..Another Happy PlaceMy Profile

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3 Lori Lavender Luz July 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

It’s been very inspiring how you (and your sister, btw) have been willing and able to face the fire and risk opening your hearts again.

Thanks for the lyrics to that song!
Lori Lavender Luz recently posted..Family fun at Colorado’s YMCA of the RockiesMy Profile

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4 Kathy July 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Thank you so much Lori and I am glad that you like the song/lyrics! 🙂
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5 Jjiraffe July 10, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I love these lyrics:

“Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire”

That is so wonderful that you help others through SPAL (I did not know that acronym until now) and “pay it foward.” The ALI community is so lucky to have you in it.
Jjiraffe recently posted..Time Warp: Fear and Mr. RogersMy Profile

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6 Kathy July 11, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I am glad that those lyrics spoke to you and I appreciate your kind words.

Soon after we lost Molly I was invited to join a Listserve called SPAL and that is where I learned the acronym. The SPAL Listserve is a great resource and support for those pregnant or trying to conceive again after losing a baby. I am not a big fan of the old school way of communicating via lots of emails in my inbox, but I still was grateful to be a part of it when I needed it and am glad it exists for others going forward.

Thank you for doing the Time Warp again this month! 🙂
Kathy recently posted..The New ExhaleMy Profile

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7 April July 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I agree that mostly we’re better off facing our fears, even when that’s the hardest thing we’ve ever done. It’s hard to live with fear, but it can be so much harder to live with what if.

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