What are your plans for tomorrow?
Welcome to the sixth edition of my “Gatekeeping” blog series. I shared the back story of these simple and yet powerful questions in this post.
In 2011 I lost two loved ones to suicide. I realize that there is likely nothing I could have done to change the outcome of their lives, but it is something that I struggle with as I continue to work through my grief and try to make peace with these women taking their own lives.
I know that many of us suffer in silence when we are going through difficult and uncertain times in our lives. It doesn’t have to be that way.
I am not asking you to tell me your secrets or your problems, unless you want to of course. But I invite you to check in here periodically (you can also email me or send a Facebook message) and let me know how you are feeling and what plans you may have for tomorrow.
Here’s an excerpt from the post I referenced above called Gatekeepers:
My favorite line in Meg (Hutchinson’s) song (called Gatekeepers) is, “maybe every day, in ordinary ways, we hold each other on, we keep each other here.”
I think that is so profound and it certainly rings true for me.
There have been countless people throughout my life that have been “Gatekeepers” to me. Though I have never seriously considered taking my own life and strongly believe that I will never do so, I have survived some very rough patches where my self-esteem and self-worth were severely challenged.
I love the idea that in “ordinary ways” we can make extraordinary differences in the journeys of loved ones and even strangers that we meet throughout the course of our day-to-day lives.
Kevin “the Gatekeeper” Briggs has done so by asking those two simple questions of strangers he has met contemplating jumping (off the Golden Gate Bridge), Meg Hutchinson has done so through her music and song, Bob Edwards has done so with the stories he shares on his radio show and you all have done so for me over the years through your comments here, your caring ways, your love and your support as my readers, fellow bloggers, friends and family members.
Thank you so very much.
I will be posting “Gatekeeping” blog entries now and then and hope that they will present the opportunity for anyone who reads them who is having a hard time coping with challenges they are facing in life to share. That said, you are certainly welcome to comment about the things you are feeling good about too. I believe that being able to recognize and name the things we are grateful for is essential to help us find peace and joy in our lives. That is part of why I love participating in Lori’s monthly Perfect Moment Mondays.
Sometimes it’s the little things than can help keep us a float when we feel like we are drowning. Just knowing that others care and want to know how we are feeling, as well as being able to think about what we might do tomorrow has the power to help us get through tough times.
Thank you for reading. I hope that however you are doing today that you know there are people in your life (I am one of them) who care about how you are feeling and want to know what your plans, hopes and dreams are for tomorrow and the days to come.
I will start us off by answering the questions myself:
I am feeling…
Tired — Abby was up in the night a few times and it was hard to console her/get her to go back to sleep. She is still in her crib, so I couldn’t get in bed with her to try to help calm her down, as I did sometimes when Sean was her age. I brought her into bed for a little while with Bob and me, which she was happy about, but then none of us really got much sleep. So then I put her back in her crib and let her cry it out, which was hard for me to do last night, even though I believe in Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” philosophy on sleep.
Excited — I will be participating in a conference call tonight with the members of the panel, My Blog No Longer Fits Me: ALI Bloggers Talk Blogging After a Life Change, that I am speaking with at BlogHer’s Annual Conference in August and a representative from BlogHer. I look forward to hearing some of their voices for the first time and getting to discuss more of our plan for and the details of our session!
Content — Our summer has gotten off to a great start overall and I have really enjoyed Sean being home from school with Abby and me. We have spent a lot of quality time together and it reminds me how blessed and lucky I am.
Sore — I somehow managed to pull or strain a muscle in my upper back while the kids and I were at the beach with my mom yesterday. I was playing in the water with Sean when it started bothering me and it has been uncomfortable ever since.
A Bit Jealous — A lot of loved ones in our life have recently had or will soon be having babies. I am so happy for them, but it is also a reminder about how our family building journey did not go as we hoped, dreamed and planned it would. Overall, I have made peace with that and feel grateful for our family–just as we are. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wonder sometimes what our life would be like if children had come into our life more easily and quickly, as we had wanted. That said, I do feel so grateful to have Sean and Abby in our life/family with Molly always in our hearts.
My plans for later today/tomorrow/the days to come are…
Have good friends over for a BBQ, whom we haven’t seen for a while. Their son and ours play together really well too, so Sean is excited for our gathering.
Ride bikes with Sean and pull Abby in the trailer to/from the library so they can file their Summer Reading Club reports and return old books/check out new ones.
Play a round of golf with Bob (our first of the season) at the golf course where our wedding reception was held twelve years ago this September, while my parents graciously watch our children. We played there with our dads and some friends the day before our wedding and got rained out after a few holes and somehow never made it back. So we are looking forward to hopefully (weather permitting) getting a full round of 18 holes in this time.
Go to the hospital to visit a dear friend and meet her new baby girl who will be born Friday, if not before. Praying for a safe delivery and a healthy baby.
Go to a local race track with my side of our family for our annual (belated) Father’s Day Celebration. I am not a huge gambler, but I enjoy the experience of watching the horse races and placing a few bets.