On Being a Writer

by Kathy on November 12, 2011 · 6 comments

in Infertility, Inspiration, Loss, NaBloPoMo, Writing

Recently I had another one of those “a-ha moments.” I was reflecting on what, if any, good has come from our journey through secondary infertility and loss. 

I have shared here in the past that I believe that our first pregnancy loss (the early miscarriage that we experienced in December 2004) brought me to realize the value of and importance in exercising regularly. Initially working out was therapeutic for me as I grieved and processed our first miscarriage. However, eventually I grew to appreciate how prioritizing exercise made me feel, regardless of if I was dealing with difficult and uncertain times in my life. I know now that no matter what happens in my life going forward, that I will always make time for running and/or participating in group fitness classes for the good of my mind, body and spirit.  

My latest “a-ha moment” came earlier this month, when I was thinking about what other good things have come from our subsequent losses and our experience with secondary infertility. It was then that I realized, surprisingly for the first time, that our journey brought me to writing. 

I have my babies who are not here with me to thank for driving and inspiring me to write. 

How did I not think about or realize that before?!

That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give up writing to have any one of our babies back and living here with us on Earth. However, I get that is not possible and finding some meaning and consolation in how their short lives helped lead me to a greater love and appreciation for writing (both my own and others’) is a huge breakthrough for me. 

Along the same lines, awhile back my mom was talking with a close friend of hers, who is a retired journalism professor from Northwestern University. Both my mom and her friend have read my blog over the years. During their conversation my mom asked her friend what she thought about me writing a book and/or “becoming” a writer someday… Her friend’s answer surprised my mom, but also made perfect sense to her. Her friend replied, in regards to whether she thought I might become a writer someday, “she already is!”

When my mom relayed their conversation to me, I found it very validating. As it helped me to know at the time, and to this day, that there are many levels of success when it comes to being a writer. Being published is an incredible accomplishment, but achieving that is not the only way to make an impact in the lives of others through our written words.

Though I’d love to have something I have written published someday, I realize what I do now is still relevant and important for me and others. 

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 It Is What It Is November 12, 2011 at 9:22 am

My love of writing was actually inspired in a HS Advanced Comp class where I excelled, but it wasn't until almost 25 years later that the spark was ignited when I was invited to write an essay for a contest sponsored by the pharmaceutical company that made the IVF meds I took to conceive my son. It was cathartic to write the story of my son's conception and birth and validating to be the 10K, grand prize winner (link to essay http://itiswhatitisorisit.net/?p=1504). That essay led me to create my blog and some writings from my blog will eventually form the framework for my memoir (I need to close the loop on finding/connecting with my birth mother and complete our family through adoption (or some other way) first.

I'm grateful that IF cemented my love of and passion for writing (and yours, too).


2 Kristin November 12, 2011 at 11:58 pm

You are an extremely talented writer. I'm glad you got that validation.


3 jjiraffe November 13, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I love this post! Not only are you already a writer, you are, as Kristin said, a talented one.


4 Kathy November 14, 2011 at 11:18 pm

IIWIS – Thank you for sharing about your writing journey. Congrats on your award! That is huge! I be clicking over to read your essay soon. How awesome that you are planning to write a memoir!

You have been in my thoughts and prayers with everything going on in your life right now (especially with finding your birth mother). I am sorry I have not commented in awhile and promise to catch up soon. xoxo

Your mention of what inspired your love of writing reminded me that one of these days I want to write a post about my English teacher my junior year in high school, as he was also a significant influence in my life when it came to my writing and feeling like I had something worthwhile to share through my words.

Kristin – Thank you so much! You words mean a lot to me. xoxo

jjraffe – I am glad that it spoke to you. Thank you so much! xoxo


5 Lavender Luz November 15, 2011 at 2:27 pm

The symbol of the Tao shows that in the heart of one extreme lies the seed of another.

This post speaks to this. In the heart of your greatest loss germinated the seed of your heart's song.

I know it sounds odd, but I feel like my life would have been so blah if we'd just popped out the kids like we thought we wanted to. Who would I be without my experiences of the last dozen years? What seemed like curses at the time have led to so many blessings.

Very thought-provoking, Kathy 🙂


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