To Where You Are

by Kathy on October 15, 2011 · 6 comments

in Background, Bereavement, Faith, Family, Grief, Healing, Inspiration, Loss, Love, Memories, Molly, October 15, Peace, Song Lyrics

On this Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day I send healing thoughts and prayers to all those who have lost babies. 

As I shared in this recent post about song lyrics, I know that music plays a significant role in so many of our lives. During happy moments and milestones we celebrate good times by listening to, singing along with and dancing to our favorite songs. When we find ourselves facing challenges and uncertainty in our life we often turn to music and lyrics to find comfort, peace and inspiration.

Earlier this month my family and I participated in our local hospital’s perinatal support group’s annual “Walk to Remember.” As I shared about in this post it was our fourth time doing so and another very moving and healing experience. Hearing our daughter Molly’s name read aloud, along with Babies Benson in honor and memory of our three “angel babies” (early pregnancy losses) never loses its magic and meaning for me. I will never get to hear their names read at a graduation ceremony or any other such special event or milestone in the future. So knowing that once a year my family and I have the opportunity to remember Molly and Babies Benson with others who have also lost babies, people who truly understand how that kind of loss changes you and your life forever, is very special to me.

Each year at the “Walk to Remember” the awesome planning committee puts together a program for the event that includes a list of our deceased childrens’ names, which is also very moving for me to read and see in print.  They also typically give the families that attend the walk some special gifts in honor and memory of their babies. This year they gave us a beautiful pewter leaf lapel pin and a compilation CD of songs that relate to the experience of losing a loved one, especially a child. The CD included songs like Who You’d Be Today and Here Comes Goodbye. It is very bittersweet for me to listen to music like this. I have to be in the right mood and often alone, as usually when I do allow myself to really digest the lyrics of these songs I end up in tears (of the therapeutic and healing sort).

Earlier this week I was driving home late at night after an annual girls night out with my mom and sister to see the live touring production of So You Think You Can Dance (one of my favorite reality TV shows). There were some very touching pieces performed in the show that night and I was feeling emotional reflecting on what they represent. Sometimes when I feel like this I like to work through my thoughts and emotions through listening to music that is meaningful to me. I decided that it was a good time to listen to the CD that we received at the walk this year. I was familiar with a few of the songs, but was curious to hear what else was on there. I skimmed through to see if I recognized or was drawn to any and found my way to the very last track on the CD. It was called To Where You Are and this version (what I now know to be the most popular and well known one) is sung by Josh Groban.

Wow! What an incredible song. The lyrics, combined with the music and Josh’s beautiful and haunting voice had me spellbound. I went on to listen to it at least three more times in a row on the way home. How had I never heard this before? How had this not yet found its way to my list of songs that help me to work through my grief and continue to process the death of Molly and our other angel babies? As is the case with so many songs that help me and others to heal after losing a loved one, I felt like Josh was singing directly to me and that the lyrics had been written about my journey with Molly and Babies Benson. This song captures so well how I feel about my children that have left this world to soon and what works for me when it comes to believing that I can communicate with them on some level in the afterlife.

So today I will leave you with the lyrics to “To Where You Are” written by Alan Menken, Richard Marx and Linda Thompson, followed by a You Tube video that includes that actual song being sung by Josh Groban with the lyrics (though I am not sure that they are entirely accurate after having watched it) included in the video animation. I hope that reading these words and listening to this song helps to bring you some peace, comfort and strength in your remembering today. xoxo

To Where You Are

Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory, so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you’re there
A breath away not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
‘Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you’re there
A breath away not far
To where you are

I know you’re there
A breath away not far
To where you are

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 HereWeGoAJen October 15, 2011 at 7:54 am

Much love to you and all your babies today.

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2 Kathy October 15, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Thank you Jen. Much love to you and your family and remembering your baby boy. xoxo

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3 Kristin October 16, 2011 at 7:28 am

What a truly beautiful song.

I pulled this post up yesterday and, for some unknown reason, didn't manage to comment until today. Know I was thinking of you and your babies yesterday.

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4 Kathy October 17, 2011 at 11:22 am

Kristin – I agree, it is a such a beautiful song. Thank you for your thoughts and kind words.

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5 Trisha October 17, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I would love to get a list of those songs as I TOTALLY relate music to my mood. I have had a song picked out for a "baby's 1st year"slide show if we are blessed and I play it whenever I get down and need some strength to keep going. Thank you for your posts, congrats on the mention on Redbook too-such an honor.

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6 Kathy October 17, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Trisha – Thank you so much for your comment, your kind words and congrats! I will be glad to send you my "Healing Mix" playlist and/or might even write a separate blog entry here in which I share the songs and why I chose them.

I totally get finding hope and strength in imagining your song for a "Baby's 1st Year" slide show. For a long time I would fantasize about a similar idea with the song "Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah McLachlan, from the movie Charlotte's Web, which I saw in the theater with Sean during our journey through secondary infertility and loss.

I started such a video including that song awhile back after Abby was born and never finished it, but it was incredible to be able to follow through (at least begin to) on that dream and I do intend to finish it someday.

I hope and pray that your dream come true is not very far away and I look forward to watching that slide show with you after you create it! xoxo

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