Welcome to the fifth installment of my blog hop/writing exercise called Time Warp Tuesday here on Four of a Kind!
In case you missed my original post about this, here is the background of how and why I came up with the idea. If you are here to participate and link up your post, you can do so with the Linky Tools at the end of this post (or if you have any difficulty using it, you can share the link to your post in the comment section here).
The gist of Time Warp Tuesday is to revisit and share some of our favorite blog entries from our archives and reflect on our journeys since we wrote them.
The theme for this week’s Time Warp Tuesday is: Resolution
In my post last week I encouraged participants to choose a post from your archives where you wrote about what “resolution” means to you and your life. It might be related to your journey through infertility, adoption and/or loss or you might have written about another difficult and uncertain situation that you have faced. If you don’t have any blog entries that specifically use the term “resolution,” find a post where you talk about a similar concept. Then write a new post on your blog about why you chose it and what has happen in your life since.
Participants can write about whatever you want in your new blog entries. However, for those who might have needed some help and inspiration to get started, I shared some questions to consider:
Why did you pick this post? Has your perspective changed since the day you wrote your original post? Does the word or idea of resolution still mean the same thing to you now as it did when you wrote your original post? Do you think you would still feel the same way if you were writing it today? What have you learned about yourself, your family and your life since you wrote your original post?
Time Warp Tuesday: Resolution
As I said in my introduction to this week’s topic in last week’s Time Warp Tuesday post, five years ago, when we were in the midst of our struggle with secondary infertility and loss, I was in therapy to help me learn ways to cope with that difficult and uncertain time in our life. The very first session that I went to with my therapist she told me, “this will be resolved.” I found her statement to be very comforting, but I also wondered how long it might actually take for me to reach a point in my life when I would be able to say that our situation, trying to have another child, was truly resolved.
When I chose this topic recently to be used for this week’s Time Warp theme, I knew that I had written a post awhile back about this very topic. So it was an easy find for me. However, after reading and reflecting on it, I was somewhat surprised by my reaction.
Here is the link to the post that I chose:
Please go and read the post that I am reflecting on today (and comment if you choose), if you haven’t already, and then come back here to see what I have to say about my journey since I wrote it.
***Here is where you left off before you stopped to read my old post.***
As with the other weeks that we have done this writing exercise, it is surreal for me to read an old post, such as this, and know how much time has passed since I wrote it (in this case almost two years). I was surprised to realize, after revisiting this post, that I am not exactly where I thought I would be emotionally two years later and that my family’s future is not quite as “resolved” as I imagined it would be by now.
As I have shared over the past year, Bob and I have made a soft decision to be done trying to have more children and we made the difficult choice to donate our remaining three frozen embryos for stem cell research. However, though we have been careful in our efforts not to get pregnant (which we find so ironic after all the time we spent trying to expand our family), we have not done anything permanent to make this decision final. Even though the question for us is still more so “why would we try to have more children,” then “why wouldn’t we try,” I still struggle with this state of limbo in our life. Though it is a very different, much more comfortable, limbo experience than when we were actively trying to expand our family.
As I imagine many of you can appreciate (and likely relate to), no matter what stage of family building you might be in, living with infertility and loss makes the process of trying and/or avoiding so much more complicated and emotionally confusing for couples. This has definitely been the case for Bob and me and adds another layer to the idea of whether or not our journey through infertility and loss has been (or will truly ever be) resolved. When having sex and trying to get pregnant are so closely connected for so long in our lives, it makes it difficult to separate them later on, even when we want to be able to.
One of my favorite parts of revisiting this old post was having the chance to read the incredibly kind and thoughtful comments that were left for me there. Two years later the words and support of my fellow bloggers still mean so much to me. As it turned out I would write less than 20 posts the following year (2010) here. So knowing in the words of Mel, “that (she and others would) still be here–on moments when the fog parts and you can grab a few minutes. Whether that is now or way in the future. So just know that on the other side of that time cloud are people cheering you on,” was so comforting and encouraging to me when I was writing, reading and commenting on blog entries back then.
All this said, I do think that at the time I wrote this post, we had reached a very significant point in our journey. At this stage of our life and our marriage we did finally have Abby in our life, a sibling for our son Sean and our “rainbow baby” after the birth and death of our daughter Molly, who we had wanted so much and tried for so long to conceive, sustain and bring home. I felt extremely blessed and grateful at the time (and still do), especially in light of all we had been through to become “Four of a Kind.”
So for those reasons I can see how our journey through secondary infertility and loss seemed to be “resolved” to me at that time. However, I don’t think I perceived back then how it might not feel completely resolved to me in the future until one way or another we close the door, once and for all, on the possibility of trying to bring more children into our family. At this point we are not ready to make our “soft” decision “hard” and until we do I think that feeling of full resolution will elude me. In the meantime, I am doing my best to try to accept and make peace with that.
Thank you for reading and for doing the Time Warp with me this week. I look forward to your feedback about this post, as well as reading and commenting on all of yours. Please feel free to comment even if you didn’t write your own Time Warp Tuesday post this week. It is not too late to participate if you are interested, click here for the details.
Below you will find next week’s topic and I hope that you will join me back here on Tuesday when we “do the Time Warp again!”
The topic for next week’s Time Warp Tuesday is: Comic Relief
I have really enjoyed this first month of “doing the Time Warp” with you. Many thanks to all those who have participated and welcome again to any newcomers to this blog hop/writing exercise. So far I have chosen some heavier topics (depending on how they were interpreted) and thought it would be nice to pick something on the lighter side for this next round.
Choose a post from your archives related to the theme of “comic relief,” where you wrote about something you did to try to get your mind off a difficult and/or uncertain time in your life. It might have been a fun and lighthearted blog entry off topic from what you usually write about (whether that has traditionally been infertility, loss or something else) or a creative post trying to poke fun at yourself and your journey. Then write a new post on your blog about why you chose it and what has happened in your life since.
Participants can write about whatever you want in your new blog entries. However, for those who might need some help and inspiration to get started, here are some questions to consider:
Why did you pick this post? Has your perspective changed since the day you wrote your original post? Do you still find this post and/or what you wrote about as amusing and entertaining as you did at the time? Do you think you would still feel the same way if you were writing it today? What have you learned about yourself, your family and your life since you wrote your original post?
For those new to Time Warp Tuesday, here is a quick recap of how it works:
1) Browse through your old blog entries to find one that fits the topic for the given week. The topic is shared at the end of the previous week’s “Time Warp Tuesday” post here on my blog (see above for next week’s topic).
2) Write a new blog post in which you introduce, link to and then reflect on your journey since you wrote the older blog post and put it up on your blog on Tuesday. Please include this link http://chicagobensons.blogspot.com/search/label/Time%20Warp%20Tuesdays in your blog entry, so your readers can find their way to my post with the list of other participants, in case they would like to read more or participate themselves.
3) Share the link to your new post here on Tuesday and then visit, read and comment on the other blogs.
4) After you have done all of these things, you are welcome to grab the code for the the Time Warp Tuesday button by clicking here and put it on your blog. The link will take you to a Google Doc where you can copy the code. If your browser does not allow access to your computer’s clipboard, you can use Ctrl-C for Copy and Ctrl-V for Paste, or use your browser’s Edit menu.
5) Check back here every Tuesday to find out the new topic, theme or question for the following week (I welcome your ideas and suggestions) and then return to Step 1 of this recap to participate.
Please let me know if you have any questions and I hope to see you back here on next Tuesday when we’ll “do the time warp again!”
Thank you again for reading, commenting and participating in my Time Warp Tuesday blog hop. Link up below and click through to visit others who are doing the Time Warp! (If you have any trouble with Linky Tools, please share the link to your blog entry in the comment section). Also, please don’t forget to comment on my post here, as I do not have a link to this (my own) post below, but I would still really appreciate your feedback. xoxo