Perfect Moment Monday: Molly’s New Heavenmate

by Kathy on February 28, 2011 · 16 comments

in Healing, Inspiration, Loss, Molly, Perfect Moments

Welcome to my first Perfect Moment Monday post. Lori from Write Mind Open Heart says that “Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.”

I love the idea of being mindful of and blogging about perfect moments. I know historically I have used my blog more to write about things I am struggling with and though I know that is valid and important for me at times, I appreciate the idea of being intentional about also sharing the simple and very special moments in our lives. Many thanks to Lori for this idea, a wonderful opportunity to focus on what is right in our life, instead of what is wrong.

I got an email this weekend from a woman that I met last week at a perinatal bereavement support group I go to. The monthly support group meetings are held at the hospital where all of my children were born and Molly died. Though I rarely missed a meeting in the first year after Molly’s birth and death, it had been awhile since I was there and it was therapeutic for me to be back with others who “get it.” The woman and her husband had come to the meeting for the first time this month after losing their baby girl only two weeks earlier.

Though all of the stories we share at our support group are different, there are usually common threads within each of our experiences and I felt a real connection to this woman. I reached out to her after the meeting, sharing my contact info (including the URL for my blog). In her email she thanked me for doing so and shared about a recent visit that she and her husband had made to the cemetery where (as it turns out) both their daughter and our Molly are buried. We discovered that our baby girls were both in the same cemetery and section, which they call “Holy Innocents,” at the meeting that night.

In her email, my new friend told me about how it was their first visit since they had buried their daughter there on Valentine’s Day. She and her husband had taken some purple flowers (a color that they associate with their baby girl) out of the arrangements decorating her grave site to place directly on the dirt over her grave. Then my friend told me that she proceeded to find our daughter Molly’s grave and put a flower there too. She shared that while doing so she asked our Molly to take care of their baby girl and show her “the ropes” in Heaven. Our 7 year old son Sean refers to such Heavenly friendships that he imagines his baby sister has in the afterlife as Heavenmates, not unlike the classmates that he has in school here in this life.

Reading my new friend’s words about our baby girls’ relationship brought me to tears and melted my heart. I love the image of my daughter welcoming and mentoring new brave little souls in Heaven. I will never get over the death of my daughter, but experiences like this are truly perfect moments for me, a mother who is still very much grieving and healing from the loss of my baby girl as we approach the third anniversary of her birth and death in April. In these moments, I am able to continue to see some of the good that has come through my daughter Molly’s short, but very special, life and for that I a grateful.

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lavender Luz February 28, 2011 at 10:10 am

What a beautiful post. My heart is aching and singing at the same time.

Lovely idea about Heavenmates. I am so glad that you and this other mom have connected and that your daughters have, as well.



2 Delenn February 28, 2011 at 10:51 am

What a beautiful moment and what comfort your experience has been to this woman. Thank you for sharing.


3 Kathy February 28, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Thank you Lori & Delenn! I really appreciate your kind words and so enjoyed reading both of your PMM today! 🙂


4 DaisyGal February 28, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Oh Kathy, my heart just breaks for your loss. I am so very sorry.
I often think when we have life changing things happen to us that we learn a lesson that we can share with others. That if we must go through the fire at least wwe can help other people around their own.
I am just sorry that you lost Molly. But for that other mother, to have you as a friend here and for her daughter to have Molly as a "heavenmate" is a gift.


5 Mrs. Gamgee February 28, 2011 at 3:54 pm

When my Beloved's father passed away a year and a half ago, one of the things that brought us some comfort was knowing that he was there with our angel girls. It seemed fitting that he was getting to meet our girls before us, and that they were showing their Bumpa around.

Lovley post…


6 Knock knock - it's cancer! February 28, 2011 at 6:23 pm

This is the third time I've come to your blog today.The last two times I couldn't leave a comment because both times I was too overwhelmed.

I still have tears in my eyes, but I will try and get this out anyway.

There is always a purpose to life. Molly's had purpose. She STILL has purpose. She has softened your heart (and mine, and countless others who have read your story) and she now has given hope to another family going through the same sad fate. She is helping them know that their little girl is safe in heaven.

This is by far the most moving post I have ever read.

Now I gotta go finish crying.


7 Pam February 28, 2011 at 7:53 pm

This was truly a perfect moment – thinking that your little one has a sweet little friend. Your son is very wise and insightful. I love his idea of Heavenmates. Perhaps your Molly and my Joshua are also Heavenmates. Maybe our little ones and your new friend's little one are all playing together on a Heavenly playground.

I look forward to becoming friends here in Cyberland.

God bless you and your sweet family.



8 This is me February 28, 2011 at 9:18 pm

It's still me – but I thought I would try doing another blog (this is something that is not cancer related) to just talk about 'everyday' things, not nearly as exciting as the other one… haha.

Wanted you to have the URL just in case I end up writing more (this way you can hear of other stuff not just the sick part)

Michelle 🙂


9 MaMaSiBs February 28, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Oh Kathy, I just read your post and now I'm sobbing. What a beautiful way to describe our girls "Heavenmates". I love that and I'm certain they are the absolute best of Heavenmates <3

I'm so happy we connected and I look forward to celebrating our daughters together.

Xoxo, Brooke


10 findinganewnormal February 28, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Heavenmates – just beautiful! I like to think my boys have other heavenmates.


11 Kathy March 1, 2011 at 11:45 am

DaisyGal – Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts about my post. I agree that if we must go through difficult times in life we are able to find more meaning by being able to help others from our experience. My mom refers to people who do this as "wounded healers."

Mrs. Gamgee – I am glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you for sharing about how you found comfort after your own father's death in believing that he is with our baby girls in Heaven. I love that image too and have often picture our Molly and three other angel babies in the afterlife with my grandparents and so many other friends and family member that have gone before us.

Michelle – I am touched that you were so moved by this post. Thank you for your words and your thoughts. I totally agree that every life has a purpose, it is just hard for me sometimes to accept that my baby girl's purpose included dying the same day she was born. But I do my best each and every day to honor her life and memory and to be a "wounded healer." Thank you also for sharing the link to your other/new blog. I look forward to following you there too! Great name by the way! 🙂

Pam – Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. I do hope that my Molly and your Joshua have met and are playing together in Heaven. I love the idea of there being a "Heavenly Playground" for our children that have gone there much too soon. I look forward to getting to know you better too!

Brooke – I am so glad you like the post and the idea of Heavenmates! Thank you again for sharing the beautiful story with me of your recent visit to the cemetary. It means so much to me to know that others care about and visit my daughter's grave too. It brings me so much peace and comfort believing that our daughters are not alone in the afterlife. I love the image of them being friends and playing together in Heaven! I am also so glad that we connected and look forward to celebrating our baby girls lives and memories together too.

Sue – Thank you and I believe that your boys have Heavenmates too.


12 Steph March 1, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Wow. This brought me to tears. It is amazing how the most heartwrenching experiences in our lives also lead us to the most amazing, healing experiences.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!


13 Barb March 2, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Beautiful. And thank you for the comment. 🙂


14 Kathy March 2, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Steph – Thank you for sharing your thoughts on my post and I agree with your sentiments. I am glad that PMM brought me to your blog.

Barb – Thank you and you are welcome!


15 embracingtherain March 6, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful moment.


16 Kathy March 7, 2011 at 7:42 am

You are welcome Michelle. Thank you for reading it and commenting. 🙂


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