I know better…

by Kathy on December 18, 2008 · 11 comments

in Adoption, Bob, Healing, Molly, Sean, The Future

…then to actually believe that I could be pregnant again.

However, for the past day or so I had let myself enjoy the fantasy that we might have been able to conceive on our own after all this time and trouble.

You would think after 4 1/2 years of tyring to conceive and to sustain a pregnancy that would lead to another living child that I would have learned not to entertain the idea that we might be expecting unless I have with out a doubt missed my period or have the results of a positive Beta blood test…

That said, my period has now officially arrived and the fairy tale that I was imagining, which included Bob and I sharing a little secret (that we were expecting) over the holidays is now over.

So you might be asking yourself…

Q: Does this mean you are trying again?
A: Yes.

Q: But didn’t your Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) tell you guys that he thought your chances of conceiving on your own were 1 – 2%?
A: Yes.

Q: Did your Obstetrician (OB) and Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist (MFM) say it was okay to try again?
A: Yes, they said to wait a four – five months after Molly was born, to give my uterus time to heal, and then it would be okay, on the outside chance we were able to conceive on our own.

Q: So do you actually think it is possible you will conceive again on your own?
A: Yes, but highly unlikely. As you may have figured out by now I am an eternal optimist, I believe in miracles and happy endings. I also have heard many stories of couples like us who struggled with secondary (or primary) infertility and needed Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) to conceive/sustain pregnancies going on to conceive and sustain pregnancies on their own. Therefore, why not us?

Q: What about those frozen embryos?
A: If we haven’t conceived on our own by next Fall (2009), we tentatively plan to try again with our frozen embryos. We have three and in light of past concerns about my uterus being able to carry multiples, we would transfer each one individually over three separate cycles until either one stuck or they were gone. This would take approximately six months, two months per cycle, if none of our embryos implanted. We aren’t positive that we will do this, however we are seriously considering it.

Q: Are you worried if you try again with your frozen embryos that one or more them might have severe congenital heart defects (CHD) like Molly did?
A: Yes and no. Our doctors are convinced that what Molly had was a fluke. They know how rare the combination of CHD that she had was and they think it is very unlikely that it would happen again to any future children we might have. That said, there have been research studies that show there is a slight increase in CHD with children conceived through ART and also with children who have a sibling that has/had CHD. However, we understand how unlikely it is that it would happen. If we decide to try again with our remaining embryos, in part because we feel a responsibility to finish what we started (giving our three embryos a chance at life), we are willing to take that risk and would be prepared to deal with whatever might happen as a result.

Q: Why don’t you try again with your frozen embryos sooner?
A: Our OB and MFM both suggested we wait at least a year since Molly was born before we start another ART cycle. That was fine with us, as we do not feel ready to go down that road again right now. My body could certainly use a break from being on lots of different kinds of medications. I could use a break from the injections. I am enjoying working hard to get back into my pre-ART cycling shape and I still have 10-15 pounds to lose before I get there. We also don’t want to being doing FET cycles over the summer, as I didn’t like missing out on summer family fun when we were doing IVF cycles last year.

Q: What if none of the frozen embryos work, will you try any more fresh IVF cycles?
A: No.

Q: How about adoption?
A: Maybe, we are open to adoption. However, we aren’t sure yet. 4 1/2 years of trying to have another living child has taken a lot out of us and we don’t know if we have it in us to go down that road. We understand how involved the adoption process is (regardless of if we chose domestic or international) and if we get to the point where we have tried all three frozen embryos and are not successful, we might decide to remain as “Three of a Kind” and continue on with our wonderful life together, knowing there would always be the slim chance we could be surprised and conceive on our own. That said, I still really would like to have another living child and for Sean to have a living sibling. We know so many people that have had positive experiences adopting and realize that there are children all over the world, and especially in our country, that need homes and loving families, so we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Thank you for reading. I have wanted to share some of this here for awhile now, but just didn’t feel ready. At my 6 week post-partum appointment we were told after a few months that we could try again, if we felt ready. However, we didn’t want to share that news widely with family and friends, as we didn’t want the pressure, for people to judge us or to ask questions. We still don’t want that, so I do ask that if you follow my blog here and know me/my family in real life (IRL) to please keep this information to yourself and not discuss this with others. As we want it to be our information to share and if and when we choose to with our family and friends.

I am glad to have this out here now though, as I would like to be able to write about it now and then as we go forward into this new year. I really appreciate your continued support and encouragement. As I said in my 8 month milestone post remembering Molly yesterday, I have no idea what will happen as far as expanding our family in the future. However, I do feel so blessed and grateful to have Bob, Sean, our angel Molly and all of you in our lives. Thank you for walking this journey with us since I began this blog in April 2007 (or whenever you found it and started reading). Being able to write here and get so much caring and helpful feedback has been invaluable to me. I look forward to continuing to share here about this next phase of our life as Three of kind working on a full house…

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jess December 18, 2008 at 1:25 pm

I’m sorry you’re not pregnant.

I hope your Christmas is very merry anyhow, though. 🙂

I’m pretty much a lurker, I know, but if you want to ever tlak adoption (especially domestic, open) we’ve been down that road and you’re welcome to email me (jpond_24@yahoo.com). We have a daughter who was adopted donestically and we have an open adoption-she’s 19 months. We also have a son through IVF who’s 12 months, and 5 frozens, so I feel you on wanting to use the frozens! We’re already wondering when/what/how on this end!

Good luck!


2 Martha December 18, 2008 at 1:45 pm

I’m glad you allow hope to dwell in your home, heart, and spirit. I mean without hope, what’s the point of it all, right?


3 SommerNyte December 18, 2008 at 2:25 pm

I’m sorry, Kathy. Even though we are not trying (not preventing, either), I had myself convinced recently that I was pregnant. Of course, I am not, and like you, I gave myself the “I should have known better” speech repeatedly. (Our chances of a spontaneous conception are 3%). It’s so hard. (((hugs)))


4 Cara December 18, 2008 at 2:26 pm

What a gorgeous way to write about this. You are an eternal optimist -that is obvious, and it is probably what will bring your next baby to you.

much love xoxo


5 Fertilized December 18, 2008 at 9:01 pm

I am not a good blogger this week. I am so behind but i wanted to comment to let you know that I am believing in this miracle with you.


6 k@lakly December 19, 2008 at 12:59 am

So sorry it wasn’t what you had hoped. You absolutely deserve to have that baby happen. I will keep everything crossed for you and my hopes are with you that you will get pg asap with a beautiful healthy baby.


7 T-Mommy December 19, 2008 at 11:26 am

I am sorry AF showed up,… but so happy to know you are trying again!

As always, I have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers for a 2009 miracle, IT IS POSSIBLE, IT CAN HAPPEN!


8 Lynn December 20, 2008 at 10:14 am

Happy Holidays to you all and I hope that 2009 is filled with blessings and magic for you and your family.

You have to keep a strong hold of your hope and optimism when dealing with secondary fertility issues.

So sorry that your surprise PG hasn’t found you yet, but you never know when it might.


9 Katie December 20, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Ah, Kathy.

Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. I had been wondering what your future plans were for having a third child, but didn’t want to ask.

I am sorry that your miracle didn’t happen this month, but I am like you and hope for that happy ending very soon.

If any people deserve it, it’s your family.

Merry Christmas!


10 Sarah P December 22, 2008 at 6:49 am

I too, am sorry you aren’t pregnant. I can’t imagine what this past year has been like for you but you have been in my thoughts and prayers throughout.
Like you I am the eternal optimist which is why I know that all will be well.
Lots of love to you and your beautiful family at what must be a bittersweet time of year xxxxx


11 sacredandscarred December 30, 2008 at 12:25 am

Good luck to you.


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