Remembering Molly (6 months)

by Kathy on October 17, 2008 · 6 comments

in Bob, Healing, Loss, Milestones, Molly, Sean, The 17th

Today it has been six months since Molly was born and went to Heaven. It won’t be long now before I will have not been pregnant longer than I was pregnant with our baby girl. Though I would much rather be holding my daughter in my arms right now than be sharing this news, I am happy to tell you that after exercising regularly and watching what I ate over the past six months, I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. This is a big deal to me as it has been something that I have worked very hard at and has been healthy for me, both physically and emotionally, to focus on over the past six months.

As in previous months on the 17th, I am taking time today to honor the memory of our daughter and Sean’s baby sister through sharing with you about special things that help me to continue to remember and feel connected to our baby girl. This month I am going to tell you about the thoughtful and generous gifts of “memorial jewelry,” most of which I received soon after Molly was born and died, that some of our friends and family members have given me to wear. As many of you know, for the first few months after Molly died I wouldn’t go a day without wearing at least one piece of this special jewelry, as they helped me to feel closer to my daughter’s spirit. Most days I still wear at least one of the beautiful pieces of jewelry that help me to honor our baby girl’s life and legacy.

At some point during our pregnancy with Molly, after we knew that she had a serious heart condition and that her prognosis was not good, one of our good friends from our neighborhood, who we have known since Sean and her son were about three months old, gave me this bracelet. It quickly became a source of strength for me when I wore it. I would wear the bracelet on Wednesdays when we went for the echocardiograms to get the latest on Molly’s condition. I am a fidgety sort of person and I would often fiddle with the charms on it, especially the big heart that dangles prominently from it, while Bob and I would be sitting in waiting rooms prior to our doctor appointments. In “normal life” I have very tiny wrists and thus my “regular jewelry” which pre-Molly included a watch and my Sean bracelet (see below) are both sized to fit my wrists when they are not swollen, as they grew to be mid-way through our pregnancy with Molly. So this new pink heart bracelet was also so nice to have while I carried Molly, as it was bigger and fit my wrists when nothing else did. Because my wrists have returned to my pre-pregnancy size, I don’t wear this bracelet as often now, but it will always have a special place in my jewelry box and my heart.Another piece of jewelry that I wore a lot during our pregnancy with Molly was a necklace that Bob and I bought for me in June 2007 on our trip to Las Vegas. It is a birthstone ring necklace (see below). At the time we purchased it we got Bob, Sean and my birthstones rings for it (two Octobers for Bob and Sean, pink tourmaline, and one March for me, aquamarine). When I wore it during our pregnancy with Molly it was another sort of good luck charm, that seemed to help me to feel strong during important doctor appointments and held our family (Bob, Sean and me) symbolically close to my heart. At the same time we bought my necklace last year, we bought them as gifts for some of our family members and friends featuring their, their husbands’ and/or their childrens’ birthstones, as I thought they were so awesome.

One of the family members we bought a necklace for is Bob’s brother’s wife/our sister-in-law for her 30th birthday. Since then our sister-in-law and I have both gone on to purchase more necklaces with birthstone rings for family and friends. We have yet to be able to find them online anywhere, so each time we want to order more, we call the manager of the gift shop where Bob and I first found them at The Venetian Hotel in Vegas and she sends us what we need. The day before Molly was born our sister-in-law brought over a new birthstone ring to add to my necklace, it was the birthstone for April in honor of Molly. It meant so much to me to receive such a thoughtful gift and I wear my necklace, as you can see pictured here, now with the four rings often with much pride in our family of four, even though one of our family members is no longer with us here on earth. In early August, when Bob’s brother and our sister-in-law’s second daughter was born I brought our sister-in-law a new ring to add to her necklace in of honor her baby girl’s birth and joining their family. Our newest niece’s due date was just six weeks after Molly’s due date and besides being our niece, and soon-to-be Goddaughter, she will always have an extra special place in Bob and my hearts for being so close in age to how old our daughter would have been if she lived.

One of my college friends/sorority sisters (who’s birthday happens to be today — HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and her husband sent me this silver heart locket on a chain with the letter M (for Molly) engraved in the center of the heart. I often wear this necklace when I am wearing my Sean bracelet to represent both our daughter and our son. Sometime soon I intend to put a picture of Molly inside the locket. I think this necklace is beautiful and it means a lot to me.Soon after Bob and I found out that we were pregnant with Sean in January 2003 I joined a “September 2003 estimated due date (EDD)” online buddy group on a discussion board for women who were trying to conceive, expecting or new moms. I met some amazing women in that group. These women and I shared about our experiences with our pregnancies that year, for most of us it was our first, and supported each other during that time and into the early months and then years of motherhood. We have kept in touch off and on since. I even was lucky enough to meet some of these women in person, back in October 2005, when a group of us gathered from all over the U.S. for a “girls weekend” in Chicago. The rest of these awesome women, whom I have not met in person, I have seen many pictures of and their families and feel like I know them well. We have supported each other over the past six years through subsequent pregnancies, secondary infertility, some losses (unfortunately I wasn’t the only one to experience a pregnancy loss in this group) and the general ups and downs of family life and raising children.

Soon after Molly was born two groups of these wonderful women from our original September 2003 EDD support group went in on two separate, yet both very thoughtful and generous, pieces of memorial jewelry for me to honor Molly and our previous pregnancy losses/Babies Benson (that I shared about in more detail in my post on Wednesday of this week). The first gift was this “For-get-me-not” flower pendent/necklace (pictured here on the left) to wear and always remember our baby girl. As you can see it is a beautiful charm and necklace. I wear my For-get-me-not often and get many compliments on and questions about it. I share the story behind it with great pride when people ask and I love its significance. The pendent is also special to me, though these women did not know this when they picked it out for me, because my sorority (Alpha Phi) which I joined in college has two official flowers and For-get-me-not is one of them.

The second gift from this group of my online mommy friends is this beautiful bracelet (pictured here to the right) with alternating light blue and light pink glass beads on it to signify that with some pregnancy losses (as with three of our four) parents don’t get to find out if their baby was a boy or a girl. These wonderful ladies then had the bracelet personalized by having a butterfly clasp added to it and an April birthstone and butterfly dangle charm added to it to honor Molly’s memory. They knew about the connection I feel with butterflies (which began in the echocardiogram room, where we learned about Molly’s heart condition on Wednesdays, where there was a picture of a butterfly painted on the ceiling above the examining table I would lie on) and were so thoughtful in how they chose to include that symbolism in their gift. I also wear this bracelet often, alternating it with my Sean bracelet. I love that it symbolizes all of our angel babies, in addition to/including Molly, which from what I understand was the intention of my girlfriends when they picked it out.

A note to my online mommy friends who bought me the braclet, since I know that so many of you will read this, a few months after I received it the birthstone and butterfly charm fell off. I was wearing it at the time and didn’t notice until after it happened. I looked around a lot for it and haven’t been able to find it. It was beautiful dangling from the braclet for the time I had it and I just wanted you to know in case you noticed it wasn’t visable in the picture above.

Lastly, yesterday I received a special card in the mail from my sister and her husband, who as I have shared before are Molly’s Godparents, in honor of this six month milestone or her half birthday today. Ironically, my sister had no idea I was posting on this topic of memorial Molly jewerly today, included in the card was this beautiful petite pair of silver hoop earrings with a pink butterfly dangling from each one (pictured here to the left).

I don’t intend to seem materialistic in sharing about these memorial jewelry gifts. I hope that I have conveyed my awe and appreciation for the thoughtfulness and generosity that went into these creative presents from our family and friends. These pieces of memorial jewelry are yet another tangible way that I am able to feel connected to our baby girl Molly with each passing day.

Thank you for reading, for thinking about Molly and our family today and for your continued support, kind words and prayers. May God bless you and your loved ones today and always.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Martha October 17, 2008 at 8:54 am

Dear Kathy, Thank you for sharing your beautiful jewelry, hardly materialistic, quite the opposite. It is an expression of the love that you all share for your precious Molly and your family. I love the stories of each piece and am honored to share in these sad and sweet memories. (((HUGS)))

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2 Shelli October 17, 2008 at 9:56 am

So much love and support, you are very lucky in that regard.

Thinking of you and Molly today.

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3 Cara October 17, 2008 at 11:24 am

Six months..wow – I’m thinking of you.

Congrats on finding yourself again – at least within the body you walk around in! That is a powerful feeling.

(hugs)

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4 SommerNyte October 17, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Kathy ~ I was so glad to read of the pendant and what it means to you. It was hard to pick what we felt was a suitable memento for you and to know that you truly treasure it is wonderful.

All of your pieces are beautiful.

Happy Half-Birthday, Sweet Molly!

~ Sommer

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5 Tash October 17, 2008 at 4:55 pm

All so beautiful.

Six months is really, really tough. Thinking of you.

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6 k@lakly October 17, 2008 at 9:48 pm

They are beautiful tributes to your beautiful daughter. I love that you allow them to open the door to share about Molly when asked about the jewelry.
Thinking of you and your family and always of Molly.
xxoo

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