Mondays with Molly

by Kathy on October 6, 2008 · 3 comments

in Healing, Loss, Molly, Sean

Thank you for all of your kind and complimentary comments about the pictures I shared from my sister and brother-in-law’s wedding. The newlyweds returned safely from their honeymoon yesterday and had a wonderful time!

I am writing to share another bittersweet cemetery story from this afternoon. The past few Mondays, while Sean has been at his drama class at our local arts center, I have been going to visit Molly’s grave. Usually when I go there, to spend time “with Molly” and the other babies buried there, I am the only person visiting in her particular section. I recall a few times ove the past six months an older woman coming over and briefly seeming to pay her respects to one of the babies buried in a grave near Molly’s. However at those times I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything to her and she didn’t acknowledge me either. I guessed she was maybe the child’s grandmother. As I mentioned in my post last Monday, there aren’t that many babies buried there and thus I guess the odds of any of us (parents) being there at the same time aren’t as high as in the original “Holy Innocents” section, which has so many graves they ran out of room and had to develop Molly’s area.

Anyway, I was sitting in front of Molly’s grave this afternoon, peacefully talking to her in Heaven (no flood gates like last week), taking in the beautiful weather and watching the Canadian geese and other birds fly overhead when a car pulled up and parked right behind mine. A younger looking woman (at least she seemed closer in age to me) got out with some flowers and seasonal decorations and walked towards the graves. As she got closer our eyes met and I decided I would say something to her. I asked her if she had a baby buried here. She told me that she was Gabby’s mother and motioned in the direction of where her baby girl is buried. From all the times when I have walked around and looked at the other baby’s graves, I actually knew exactly which baby/grave she was referring to. I told her that it was nice to meet her and that I was so sorry for her loss. I commented that I knew that Gabby’s first birthday (at least what would have been her first birthday) had been recently (last month) and that I had noticed the beautiful decorations they had placed in her honor and memory around the time of her birthday.

Gabby’s mother asked me about my baby and if Molly had been stillborn or what her story was. I told her briefly about Molly’s heart condition, how and when we found out, what our pregnancy was like and how she was born and lived for about 15 minutes. Then I asked about Gabby’s story. She told me about her daughter, including that her baby girl lived for about an hour which they were so grateful for. She shared that she, her husband and their family got to hold her and have her baptized before she died, as we had done with Molly. We both got a bit choked up talking and Gabby’s mother said what a difficult year it had been for her. I told her that I understood, that it had been very difficult for me too. We even hugged at one point and commented on how sad it was to be meeting under these circumstances, but also comforting.

I told Gabby’s mother that she was the first parent of the babies that Molly is buried with that I had met there. I explained that I knew at least one other family of babies (twin baby girls) buried there from the support group that I go to, however I have never actually run into them there while visiting Molly. She told me that she often comes on Sundays after church and that it may be a more common time for families to visit, as she has seen/met other baby’s families then. She even referred to a grandmother of a baby boy who visits frequently and when she pointed to the grave I was pretty sure it was the older woman I recall seeing there a few times before.

Another ironic thing we found out we had in common today is that we both had siblings get married on Saturday and we both were bridesmaids in the weddings. Gabby’s uncle/her mother’s brother got married on Saturday. Among the things she was bringing to place on Gabby’s grave was the bouquet she carried in the wedding. I shared with her that Molly’s aunt/my sister had also been married on Saturday and that I had thought about bringing my bouquet and placing it on Molly’s grave sometime soon.

As with so many other “firsts” I have experienced navigating this journey with our Molly-girl (both before and after her death), meeting a mother of another baby buried near my daughter today really touched me. I felt such a connection with Gabby’s mother and appreciated having the opportunity to talk with her briefly today.

I hope that your weeks are all off to a good start. As wonderful as my sister’s wedding and Sean’s birthday celebrations have been over the past two weeks, it actually feels nice that things in my life are slowing down a bit now and getting back to “normal.” Thank you for reading about my Monday with Molly. Take care and may God continue to bless you and your loved ones.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Fertilized October 6, 2008 at 9:52 pm

i think of your family often

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2 T-Mommy October 7, 2008 at 2:50 pm

It is amazing how meeting someone who has actually been through what you have is extremely conforting.

Loosing a child can’t compare to anything and you really need to experience it to truly understand the pain, the grief.

I can’t even imagine how difficult your days must be, but please be sure that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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