We have a tentative date for Molly’s birthday.

by Kathy on April 10, 2008 · 17 comments

in Blogoversary, CHD, FET #1, Molly, Sean

Thank you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. Your messages and emails mean so much to us and help us to feel your love and support during this time.

I spoke at length with our OB early this afternoon and found out that Molly may not actually be delivered until Thursday (April 17). However, if at anytime I go 24 hours without feeling her move, we still would likely deliver her sooner. So if she continues to survive, the plan is Thursday. We don’t have an exact time yet, as our OB is still working with his colleagues to determine when everyone is going to be able to be there for my c-section that he would like to be.

One aspect of the delivery that may be a bit tricky is getting Molly out through a transverse (bikini line/horizontal) cut into my uterus, since her abdomen is going to be bigger than her head, due to her fetal hydrops. They and we would prefer they not have to do a classic (vertical) cut for the c-section, as though my future ability to sustain a pregnancy is not our primary concern right now, it is a factor that we want to be considered in the decision making process, related to the delivery, and classical c-sections can make future pregnancies more difficult. So as our OB explained it, he is going to try to arrange for the MFM specialist we have been working with to be there to work with him to deliver Molly. In order to get her out, they may need to use a needle to try to aspirate some of the fluid from her abdomen. By doing this her abdomen would become smaller, though it still would not make a difference in her prognosis and thus it would not be about trying to save her. He also made it clear that by doing the fluid aspiration, it might speed up the time it would take her to die and thus we might not get as much time with her alive, if at all, which we understand, but we still get that it might be necessary to be able to deliver her safely. We know that regardless of the aspiration she may or may not be born alive and we understand with her fatal prognosis; at this point the bigger issue is me, my uterus and my overall health/well being.

Originally I was scheduled to go in for an appointment with our OB tomorrow (Friday) morning. However, they moved the appointment back to Monday. He explained since I was just seen yesterday they don’t feel the need to see me again so soon and are less concerned about checking my blood sugar level (with my gestational diabetes) in light of Molly’s most up-to-date prognosis and the plan to deliver her in the next week. On Monday they should be able to give us more details, if not before, about the timing and plan for her delivery on Thursday, if she makes it that far. Our OB is very supportive of our compassionate care delivery wishes and assured me he will do everything he can to make it special for us, in terms of having as much time as we want with our daughter (whether or not she is alive when she is born) and allowing the bereavement photographer we are hoping to work with (either Todd Hochberg, from Touching Souls, if he is available, or we will try to get someone from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) to be in the operating room when Molly is delivered to capture us meeting her for the first time.

So that is the latest. I am continuing to feel Molly move, so we will continue to take this one day at time, knowing that she will likely be delivered on Thursday at the latest. I did have the chance, while Sean was at preschool this morning, to touch base with our Pastor, our Parish Secretary, a local funeral home and the high risk labor and deliver chaplain at our hospital to update them about what is happening with Molly. I was especially touched that the funeral home will provide their services for free, in light of the situation. The funeral home owner/director also candidly shared with me that many years ago he and his wife lost a daughter when she was three days old and so he could relate to what we are going through.

Especially for those of you family and friends who are local and might be wondering, if we haven’t shared with you already… our plan after Molly has died and I am released from the hospital (after recovering from my c-section) is to have a private burial with our immediate family, within a day or so of my getting home. We will not have any kind of wake or visitation at the funeral home. Then probably 2-3 weeks after that, when I will have had more time to recover and we will have had time to prepare, we are going to have a more open/public memorial service at our parish church (most likely on a Saturday or Sunday). We know that Molly’s journey has touched so many people and your support over the past months has meant so much to us. Therefore, we want those of you who want to and/or are able to be here for the memorial service to have an opportunity to have some closure and help us to honor our daughter’s short, but still very special, life. As soon as we have set the date and time we will certainly let you know.

As many of you know, I am by nature a big planner and organizer, so looking into some of the details about how we can prepare for Molly’s birth and honor Molly’s life after she has gone to heaven, I am finding to be somewhat therapeutic, if that makes sense. It gives me a slight sense of control in a situation that overall I realize I have very little control over. Anyway, thank you for your continued support, encouragement, thoughts and prayers. I will keep you posted. Take care and God bless.

Love,
Kathy

P.S. – I just realized that today is my first “blogoversary.” It can be mind blowing what can take place in one year’s time. This time last year we were in the midst of stimming for our first fresh IVF cycle. If you told me then where we would be now, I can only imagine what I would think, especially if at that point I could grasp what it would take (4 ART cycles) to get to our pregnancy with Molly, already knowing our journey that preceded us trying ART to expand our family.

Anyway, thank you for following our blog and walking with us over the past year, whether you have been with us since the beginning or just recently found your way here. I have learned so much from those of you fellow bloggers I have met along the way and am grateful for your friendship. I am so happy that many of those I first met through blogging, and then ultimately following your blogs, who too have suffered from primary or secondary infertility are now expecting your own bundles of joy sometime in the next year! May God continue to bless you and your expanding families.

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Geohde April 10, 2008 at 5:49 pm

Thinking of all of you,

J

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2 Katie April 10, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Wishing it were different, praying that God will see you through, and most of all, just wanting you to know how much I am thinking about you and your family.

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3 Kristie April 10, 2008 at 5:55 pm

Thanks for the update. I have the classic c-section, I will pray that you will not have to have that kind. I hope that next week goes as smooth as possible and you can enjoy what little time you have left with your sweet Molly.

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4 alison April 10, 2008 at 6:54 pm

Praying for you. May God wrap you in love and mercy, especially in the next few days.

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5 Busted April 10, 2008 at 7:54 pm

I don’t really have anything particularly original to say, just that I’m thinking of you and your family.

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6 Fertilized April 10, 2008 at 8:06 pm

Kathy – My heart goes out to you and your family

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7 SommerNyte April 10, 2008 at 9:41 pm

You are continually in my thoughts during this painful time. (((hugs)))

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8 Anonymous April 11, 2008 at 7:05 am

I don’t know if anyone has suggested it, because although I’ve been reading your blog I haven’t been reading the comments, but I’d like to suggest that if you feel up to it, you might want to consider having some professional maternity pictures taken.

The Smith family http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ just lost their daughter Audrey at birth through a similar situation as Molly’s. Before the birth, they had family/maternity pictures taken which they posted the other day. I thought they were quite lovely. They made me think that your family might treasure a keepsake like that.

I know it’s a lot to think about right now, and may be a rush to get them done, but if you hadn’t thought of it, I wanted to toss the idea out there.

I’m keeping your family, and especially Molly, in my thoughts.

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9 Amy April 11, 2008 at 7:40 am

Kathy, I just found your blog via Farah at Fertilze Me. I wanted to say that I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this. You seem to be a very strong woman and Molly’s short life will not be forgotten. You’ve allowed us to get to know you and Molly through your writing.

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10 Amy April 11, 2008 at 8:25 am

I am thinking of you all in this difficult time. I will be praying for all of you. Molly’s life will never be forgotten not by any of us here. Her’s is a precious life, a short one but very meaningful!

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11 Malloryn April 11, 2008 at 8:55 am

You and your family are in my prayers during this difficult time. Your strength through all of this is incredible.

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12 Nicole April 11, 2008 at 10:09 am

I have been reading your blog for several weeks now, and I just wanted to tell you that your strength and faith continue to amaze me. I will be thinking of you and your family in the coming days.

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13 Dianne/Flutter April 11, 2008 at 10:47 am

I am so very sorry for your loss. Truly. You are all in my prayers.

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14 Waiting Amy April 11, 2008 at 11:13 am

As Katie said … wishing it were different.

I’ll be hoping and praying that your medical team is successful at making things smooth and safe. And most of all that you have precious time as a family.

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15 Anonymous April 11, 2008 at 7:06 pm

Came over from Angie Smith’s blog-
Bring the Rain. Just as Our Lord as iven then stength may he continue to give you strength. May Molly have the impact that Audrey had. I am sorry it sound like she will not survive, but I can just invision our Lord introducing Molly and Audrey in heaven as he holds them.
I pray for a miricle for your little one, and also for the peace and grace to continue on in the days ahead

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16 Sabine April 12, 2008 at 4:38 pm

You, Molly and your entire family are in my thoughts!

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17 Leslie April 14, 2008 at 5:35 pm

came from “bring the rain” and praying for you and your family as well as the day draws near, I am praying that you get some beautiful beautiful moments with Molly. And praying that you will feel the prescence of Gods arms around you through it all.

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