Living in the moment

by Kathy on March 9, 2008 · 1 comment

in Bob, CHD, FET #1, Molly, Sean

I was just reading Natalie’s blog, the one who I posted about most recently, who lost her baby boy Devin on Thursday. I wanted to see how she is doing and also knowing that I may some day soon be in her position, having lost a child, am strangely curious what she is thinking and feeling, as a way to prepare myself, not that one can ever really prepare themselves for such a tragedy in life… I appreciate how candidly Natalie writes about what she and her husband Den are experiencing now after the death of their son and was very inspired by one of the things she says she has taken from/learned so far from the eight months she was blessed to carry Devin and the experience of giving birth to him. She shared about “living in the moment.”

It may sound like such a cliche, but living in the moment is something that I have struggled with all throughout my life. As many people do, though I love my life, my family, my friends, my home, my neighborhood, you get the idea, I often find myself thinking about “what’s next.” When I was single day dreaming about being married someday, when I got married thinking about having a child, when we had Sean wondering about our next child and so forth. Anyway, below is my reply/comment to Natalie’s blog post from today and I do believe that one of the things this experience carrying Molly is teaching me, in a more profound way than any other of my life experiences have so far, is the value in truly being able to live in the moment and getting the most out of what is happening in any given time in my life. So this is what I wrote to Natalie:

I too find writing/blogging therapeutic and I am glad that it is helping you some during this time. (((HUGS)))

I shared in another reply to one of your recent posts that I am carrying a baby girl with serious congenital heart defects that will most likely die in utero and then be delivered stillborn. As everyone who experiences something like this, I am trying to make sense of what is happening and trying desperately to find some good in it or something to take from or learn from it… Anyway, my point being, I am inspired that one thing you have taken from your experience as Devin’s mother is living in the moment.

I have often struggled with that throughout my life and never more than during my pregnancy now, knowing that our daughter will most likely not be born alive, my husband and I have been forced to live our lives one week, one day and one hour at a time. Not knowing what will happen next and trying our best to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. What I have found most comforting and realize now, after reading this post of yours, is that one of my husband and my saving graces during this time has been the times when we have really been able to live in the moment and enjoy what we were experiencing without being so focused on what will happen next or how things might end. Anyway, sorry to ramble on so, but I feel I have had an Oprah “aha” moment reading your thoughts today and had to share.

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. I can only imagine what you and Den are going through. Many hugs and healing thoughts to you.

Take care and God bless,
Kathy

Thank you for reading and sharing in my “aha” moment. Today Bob, Sean and I went to the South Side Irish Parade here in our neighborhood. In past years we have had a big party and celebrated with many friends and family members. In light of our current situation this year we decided to keep it low key and just go the three of us. As much as we missed being with some of our family and friends at the parade, we really truly enjoyed being together just the three of us and I found that for much of the parade I was able to really live in the moment and appreciate our life for what it is right now, the many blessings we have and not worry about what will happen next and how we will deal with whatever that may be.

I continue to feel Molly move, less today then some days (though I am trying not to read too much into that) and for this moment choose to find comfort and a connection with my daughter through that. Also, yesterday Bob did take 24 week “belly shots” of me (another milestone in our pregnancy), so I will try to get those up soon. Thank you for your continued support, encouragement, positive thoughts and prayers.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Mary Fran March 10, 2008 at 8:46 pm

Kathy,

I continue to read your blog but haven’t posted a comment in a while. I am awe at how strong you are. I’m continuing to pray for a miracle for little Molly. BTW you are so cute pregnant.

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