by Kathy on October 17, 2007 · 0 comments

in FET #1, Sean

Today I am 6pd5dt or 11dpo (6 days past 5 day transfer or 11 days past ovulation). Only 5 more days until our Beta blood test that will let us know if our embryo implanted and is growing as it could/should be! 🙂

After three posts on Monday/a pretty intense and emotional day, I didn’t have much to say or feel much like posting yesterday…

I also don’t feel like have a lot to share today, but wanted to check in. I changed my estrace patches this morning for the second to last time before our Beta! I find such little milestones to be helpful in getting through this time of waiting. One of the nurses at our clinic told me once that undergoing ART treatments can be like a part time job and I don’t disagree with her. It certainly feels like that to me sometimes!

A fellow blogger also recently posted about how dealing with infertility and associated treatments can become a way of life and, if it is possible, one can actually get use to patches, pills and injections being a part of our daily routine. Again, I can relate to that statement and think about it sometimes after we routinely say goodnight to Sean and then head into our bedroom so Bob can administer my PIO shot, before I do my estridiol pill and progesterone suppository and then go lie on my heating pad on the couch in the living room. I hope I don’t sound like I am complaining. That is not my intent. I more feel like I am observing and want to be clear that every part of this process is so worth it to me if it works! And it we are not successful with ART, as I have said before, it will still be worth it to me, for I will be at peace with the fact that we will have tried everything we could to make it happen biologically, before we move on to another option (such as adoption) or end our quest for another child.

As usually happens at some juncture during my “Two Week Wait” during these ART cycles, last night/today seems to be my low point, at which I feel vulnerable, anxious and the wait really gets to me! At those moments, unfortunately I tend to take my emtions out on Bob and I understand that must be very frustrating for him. I always apoligize in the end, but I know that I need to try harder to say what I am thinking, feeling and ask for what I “need” from him, rather than expecting him to “just know” what to do or say. I know that after a good cry, some prayer and thought to get some perspective, I will be fine. Overall, I continue to be optimistic about this cycle, especially in light of our “overachieving embryo!” However, I still know that there is a better chance that it didn’t work, than that it did. I have to keep reminding myself that I have A LOT of hormones running through my body right now (regardless of the outcome) and what I am feeling/experiencing is normal for someone going through an FET cycle.

I also am determined NOT to POAS (pee on a stick), i.e. take a home pregnancy test (HPT)! I have held true to this with each of my ART cycles this far and haven’t regretted it. That said, I chose to join some online support groups this cycle, with other women having FETs this month and other women whose Betas are scheduled around the same time as mine, and many of those women have tested early with HPTs and gotten BFPs (big fat positives)! I am very happy for them and it does tempt me, but I know that I can hold out…

It is almost time for me to go pick up Sean from preschool, so I should wrap this up.

Thank you for your comments, emails, your continued support, positive thoughts and prayers! 🙂
There are times in each day, when the wait doesn’t seem that bad and others when Monday seems like an eternity from now… We have some fun activities planned in the days to come (including me chaperoning Sean’s preschool field trip tomorrow to a local Children’s Farm and celebrating Bob’s birthday on Sunday with our family) which should help me to get my mind off the wait and focused on the awesome blessings I have in my life, especially my dear husband and sweet son! 🙂

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