“Back to Life…”

by Kathy on July 1, 2007 · 0 comments

in IVF #2 (converted to IUI#1), Sean

“…back to reality. Back to the here and now, yeah.” ~ Soul II Soul

Just checking in after a wonderful week in Vegas! 🙂 It was good to get away and to get my mind off this cycle not working out. I started the pill Wednesday and we don’t have our follow up with our RE until Monday, July 9 (one week from tomorrow), so now we wait to find out what our next protocol will be, assuming our RE still encourages us to try again.

Sean got sick (with a viral infection) while we were gone, but he is doing a lot better now and my parents took really good care of him! It was hard to be away when he wasn’t feeling well, but it helped to know that he was in good hands!

I haven’t been feeling very well (headache, fatigue and nausea) myself the past few days, so I have been taking it easy. I think my symptoms may be side effects from being on the pill, as I experienced much the same thing my first IVF cycle when I was on the pill, but not so much last cycle. Go figure?!

Anyway, I started gathering information tonight, for our follow up appointment with our RE next week, as we have a lot planned (for a change) this week, with the 4th of July holiday and all, and I wasn’t sure how much time I would find before next Monday. I was formulating questions for our RE about this cycle, and going forward, and after doing so am feeling somewhat down. Reviewing the details of another “failed” cycle was depressing for me.

I think the excitement of our trip to Vegas and coming home to reunite with Sean, after being away for 5 days, has worn off a bit and as Soul II Soul sings it’s time for me to get back to my life and my reality! Not that returning to the here and now is a bad thing, I know how much I have to be grateful for in my life, but sometimes I just have moments of melancholy when I need to allow myself to grieve about things like this past cycle not being successful and working through my feelings of anxiety and curiosity about what will happen next (in terms of future IVF attempts and protocols, etc.)

Thank you, as always, for reading, for allowing me to vent, for your support, positive thoughts and prayers! To leave you on a positive note, I will share some highlights from Vegas and a few cute “Sean stories” from this past week:

~ As I mentioned in my “All you need is love” post, one of the best parts of Vegas for Bob and me was experiencing our first Cirque du Soilel show, integrating Beatles songs, called “Love!” If any of you plan to go to Vegas anytime soon, I cannot recommend it enough!!! If you don’t plan to go there anytime soon, it might be worth a trip, just to see that! As some of you might have heard or seen, the day after we saw the show, was the first anniversary of it’s run in Vegas. That night Larry King did his show live from The Mirage, where the show is preformed, and interviewed Paul McCartney, Ringo Star, Yoko Ono, George Harrison’s widow and the founder of Cirque du Soilel (whose names escape me right now) about “Love!” I also forgot to mention, that the night we saw it, as we were leaving Yoko Ono made her way through the crowd (somewhat inconspicuously) with her small entourage. We thought it was her, but we weren’t positive. The next day I returned to the theatre’s gift shop, because it was too crowded the night before and confirmed with the staff there, that Yoko had indeed attended the show the night before!

~ Bob and I are not big gamblers, but we did enjoy playing the slots machines, Black Jack and for the first time Craps and Roulette! I actually took a “class” at one of the smaller casinos Tuesday morning in how to play Craps and was fascinated to learn the details of the fun and somewhat complicated game! We have some good friends who like to play Craps and I have always wanted to learn, but found it very confusing, until this past week! Despite our attempts to win by playing slots, Black Jack and Craps, by Thursday morning we were down about 3/4 of the money we had “budgeted” to lose. We were okay with it and planned to willingly give up the final 1/4 that night to enjoy the entertainment of gambling… Well, as it turned out, I had been watching some people play Roulette earlier that day and realized for the first time, that there is more to it than just betting on individual numbers! So we sat down at a Roulette table during one of Bob’s breaks from the conference Thursday afternoon and I decided to bet on three of our “lucky” numbers (14 is Bob’s, 11 is mine and 27 is my sister’s). I also decided to bet on lines of two sets of six numbers that included our three lucky numbers (10-15 & 22-27). Anyway, to make a long story short, we got our initial bets back many times over from hitting one of the two sets of six numbers and over the course of the that afternoon and later on that evening hit right on 27 twice, 14 once and 11 four times!!! So by the end of the day we had won back all but about $50 of what we had lost the days prior, allowing us to return home with most of the money we had been prepared to lose!

~ We hung out a lot with Bob’s boss and her husband in Vegas and really hit it off with them! We spent some memorable afternoon breaks by the pool with them and had our best meal in Vegas with them Thursday evening at one of our hotel’s (the Wynn) restaurants called “The Country Club” overlooking the 18th hole of Wynn’s beautiful golf course! The conversation was great and the food awesome! For those of you who know how much I like cheese and how much I LOVE fondue, we had a sharp white cheddar fondue with freshly made bacon bread as an appetizer that was out of this world! When I took my first bite I made a sound of bliss after which Bob’s boss’s husband asked me if I “needed a moment” and likened my reaction to the fondue to that scene in “When Harry Met Sally” when a women, who observes Sally faking an orgasm to prove a point to Harry, tells the waitress “I’ll have what she’s having!”

~ While in Vegas I had lots of time to explore on my own, as Bob was attending a conference there. Often while I would be walking the strip (window shopping or checking out the other hotels and casinos), I would check in with my parents and Sean on my cell phone. Well, one afternoon, after Sean had gotten sick and apparently was missing me, my mom was getting him ready for his nap and he asked her if she could bring a phone into his room “in case Mommy calls me!” That just melted my heart and made my day when my mom relayed that story to me! 🙂

~ Finally, after we got home Friday evening and my parents left (they had graciously brought Sean back to our house, so we wouldn’t have to drive up to get him and then home again after our long flight), I was getting Sean ready for a bath before his bedtime. He turned to me and said “Mommy, do you know how much I love you?” and I said “How much?” and he replied “so much!” What was so sweet about this, it that since he was a baby I have been saying that to him and early on he learned to answer, “so much!” when I would ask him. But he has never posed the question to me! So it was just a very special moment to me that he chose to ask me/say it to me after we had been a part for the longest we every have been (5 days), showing me how much he loves “his Mommy” and how much he missed me! Too cute! 🙂

I have many more awesome memories of Bob and my time in Vegas and the joy we shared reuniting with Sean and my parents upon our return, but those were some that stood out to me and I wanted to share tonight. Well, as often happens when I post here, it turns out to be longer then I intended, however seems to have a very therapeutic effect on me and leaves me in a better state of mind than I began writing in.

Before I sign off, I want to pay tribute to the late Princess Diana who would have been 47 today. Earlier tonight Bob and watched the highlights of the “Concert for Diana,” at Whembly Stadium, in England, that her sons William and Harry put together in honor of her birthday today and the impending 10th anniversary of her passing next month. As a mother, I was very proud of what Diana’s sons did to show their love for her today. She was an inspiration to me and to many throughout the world during her years on this earth and I felt like calling her to mind and mentioning her in my Blog today to celebrate her life and honor the legacy she has left behind. I do believe she is smiling down on her sons, and everyone who is remembering her today, from heaven.

Goodnight and God bless.

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