Milestones & Remembrances

by Kathy on June 18, 2007 · 0 comments

in IVF #2 (converted to IUI#1), Sean, Song Lyrics, Theater

Good morning! Today I am 5dpiui (5 days past intrauterine insemination) or 5dpo (days past ovulation). My Beta blood test, which will determine if I am pregnant, is scheduled for one week from today! If the egg(s) that I ovulated last Wednesday were fertilized it, or they, hopefully have made their way down my left fallopian tube and into my uterus by now or soon. If it, or they, are planning to stick around, it, or they, should be implanting sometime over the next few days! This is one of the milestones that is on my mind today.

Another big milestone that I am thinking about today is that today is the 1st anniversary of the estimated due date (EDD) for our 3rd “angel baby,” our interstitial ectopic pregnancy. He or she was due on June 18, 2006 (Father’s Day last year). Though I did not dwell on it over the weekend, it did occur to me that we might have been celebrating his or her 1st birthday, if things had turned out differently. I know that life goes on, but I do choose to honor my “angel babies” (I like to think of them as angels in heaven watching over our family) and especially call them to mind when their EDD and loss dates come and go throughout the year.

Finally, it was about this time 3 years ago that Bob and I decided to start trying to have another child. Sean was almost 9 months old and we wanted our children to be close in age. I got my first post-partum period in May 2004 (7 months after Sean was born, because I was nursing him) and though we never used any birth control after he was born, we didn’t start actively trying right away. I recall going to playgroup, I think it was the last Monday in June 2004 and I found out that day that one of Sean’s friend’s mommy’s was expecting her 2nd child! I had also found out the week before that another of his friend’s mommy’s was pregnant with #2. Anyway, I was so happy for them and when we returned home that afternoon, I ironically went to the bathroom and realized my period was starting. As much as the first 9 months of Sean’s life had been overwhelming, it had also been amazing and hearing that some of our friends were expecting got me thinking. When I saw that my period was coming, I was disappointed. That night at dinner I shared that with Bob and we talked about if we were ready to try for another child. We decided that we were ready! And the rest is history… It’s just hard to believe sometimes that it has been 3 years! Three wonderful years with Bob and Sean, but still three long years of trying to expand our family and losing three angel babies along the way.

Tonight I plan to attend a peri-natal support group at our local hospital (where I delivered Sean and where our interstitial ectopic pregnancy was removed), which ironically happened to be scheduled for this day (it is always the 3rd Monday of the month). I think it will help to be amongst other people who have been touched by pregnancy loss as I reflect on Bob, Sean and my journey over the past three years, the memory of our angel babies and the hope that we may still one day add to our family, not that we we aren’t wonderful as we are.

We had a really nice time yesterday celebrating Father’s Day and honoring Bob, our fathers/Sean’s grandfathers, thinking about our grandfathers who have gone before us, Sean’s Godfather (one of his uncles), Bob’s brother/ Sean’s Uncle (it was his 1st Father’s Day) and all the fathers in our life. I hope that you all had a great day celebrating the fathers who are special to you.

Thank you for remembering with me today. As always, Bob, Sean and I are grateful for your support, thoughts and prayers. As may you know, or have figured out from reading my blog, I find comfort and inspiration through quotes and song lyrics. One of the songs that helped me to cope during the year when we had our three pregnancy losses, beginning with our 1st on December 1, 2004, followed by our 2nd on August 19, 2005 and ending with our 3rd on November 4, 2005, was “Seasons of Love” from the Broadway musical Rent, which Bob and I saw, for the first time that year, when I accompanied him on a business trip to NYC. Today I leave you with the lyrics and wish you much love:

Seasons of Love

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure? measure a year

in daylights, in sunsets,
in midnights, in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in a life?

how about love? how about love? how about love?
measure in love… seasons of love… seasons of love…

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan
five hundred twenty five thousand suix hundred minutes
how do you measure a life of a woman or a man

in truths that she learned
or in times that she cried
in bridges he burned
or the way that she died

its time now to sing out though
the story never ends
let’s celebrate remember a year in a life of friends

remember the love…
(oh you gotta remember the love)
remember the love…
(oh yeah, its a gift from up above)
remember the love…
(sing out, give out, measure your life in looooooove…!!!)
seasons of love…
seasons of love…

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