As you move into another year of adulthood I am struck by how different your life is than I imagined it might be when you turned 22.
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see
Though I hadn’t pictured exact details, I was conditioned to think certain things would likely be true. That reality is both bittersweet and more than okay.
You get to be you, while following your own unique path, and on a timeframe that is not rushed or constrained.
All of this to say, at 22, I am doing my best to meet you where you are — which includes living at home and taking classes at our local community college. As we talk about often, so many things can be true at the same time. One of the many wonderful things about your journey in this present moment is that Dad, Gail and I get to spend more time with you day to day than we might otherwise.
You are going by Skylar now, which may be surprising to, and an adjustment for, some in our family’s orbit. Calling you by your preferred name took me awhile to get used to, as did adjusting to Gail’s and your preferred pronouns when you both started using they/them several years ago. That said, I recognize the importance of believing people, including/especially you, when they/you tell us who they/you are, doing our own work to understand why it matters and appreciating how meaningful it is to feel seen and affirmed.
Another thing we talk a lot about is living our values and making choices in line with them. Especially in these times, keeping our core values in mind when faced with difficult and uncertain circumstances can be so helpful. Though we were familiar with values exercises, one of the awesome therapists in our life introduced us to the beautiful “The Live Your Values Deck” by Lisa Congdon and Andrea Niculescu, which can be used to “sort out, honor and practice what matters most to you,” and we liked it so much that I ordered a set for each member of our family.
When considering what to choose for this year’s song, I resisted the urge to go with the seemingly obvious “22” by Taylor Swift (TS) — even though you have a lot going on at the moment and her new/12th album The Life of a Showgirl will be released the day after your birthday/tomorrow! That said, you can likely relate to her lyrics in “22” about feeling “happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way,” as well as life being both “miserable and magical” during your young adulthood.
Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low
Any way the wind blows (Ooh, the wind blows)
Doesn’t really matter to me, to me
Instead, as you probably already recognized from the lyrics from another song that I’ve shared thus far, I picked “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. I did so for many reasons, including that we watched the movie inspired by Freddie Mercury’s life last month as a family, along with your partner, which we all really enjoyed. Dad and I had seen it before, when it was released in the theater in 2018. Also, apparently this year/month is its 50th anniversary. So, your dad and I are both as old and awesome as the famous song!
Wait, did I say partner?
Yes!
I will not go into too much detail at this point, especially because your relationship is still relatively new. However, I am happy that you found someone you feel a strong connection to and have a lot in common with at this age and stage of your life.
Your partner and you met on campus at Oakton College (OC), which was known as Oakton Community College (OCC) when I was growing up in Evanston, where you are continuing to work towards an associates degree in accounting or a related field. This semester you are taking courses in accounting, statistics, English composition, speech communications and economics — which seems to be your favorite. We are having ongoing conversations about where you may want to focus your studies, as you move in the direction of transferring back to a four year college to earn a bachelor’s degree.
In your free time, you enjoy spending time at the Center on Halsted — where you recently applied, interviewed and were selected to join the Young Adult Advisory Board! You also have made it through the first three levels of Improv classes at iO Theater and plan to complete levels four and five in the year to come. Through attending your short end of session performances every eight weeks or so, along with my participating in a professional development workshop at iO recently, you helped to inspire me to start classes there myself — which I will do later this month! Per your request and it working better with my schedule, we will not be attending classes there on the same day each week — giving us each more space to learn and grow in our own ways.
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro
Magnifico (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
This spring you applied and were hired to work at Wheel & Sprocket bike shop in downtown Evanston, where you learned to assemble new bicycles. This job seemed like such a good fit, as it relates to how much you still enjoy building with Legos. You didn’t end up getting as many hours as you’d originally been offered, due to lower than anticipated sales, at times delivery delays and budget constraints. However, overall, it was still a good experience for you to have through the end of the summer/before your returned to school at OC.
Part of our *deal* with you living at home right now, is that you help out a lot around the house. We think this is important when it comes to your transition into young adulthood, as well as being an active/contributing member of our family. That looks like you grocery shopping regularly, driving Gail to/from school and dance classes often, doing many indoor and outdoor chores (such as keeping the kitchen tidy and mowing the lawn) and frequently clearing the table from and cleaning up after dinner. We joke on the evenings when you are not home that we miss our “bus person” who takes care of our dishes and such!
You continue to workout with Dad and me most mornings before work or school, as well as on the weekends. Gail sometimes joins us, though less often now that they have returned to taking more classes at Dance Center Evanston again.
Your love for Pokemon has not waivered since your got your first packs of cards as a young child! You enjoy going to a local game shop to play and make some purchases, adding to your every growing collection, with some of the money that you have earned.
Our family still prioritizes attending live theater performances when we can find the time and funds to do so. This year that included getting to see the musical 42 Balloons and the play Billie Jean at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater, both of which we all found to be fabulous productions. Not to mention the trip that we took across the pond this summer! As part of our long awaited (and rescheduled from August 2020) epic adventure in England, we got to see Operation Mincemeat and Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in London’s West End, as well as Something About Lennon in Liverpool.
We also had some incredible entertainment tourism experiences in the UK — from a Ted Lasso filming sites and trivia tour in Richmond Upon Thames, along with a Sunday Roast at The Prince’s Head (used for “Ted’s Pub” on the show), to visiting and getting to go inside Highclere Castle (the fictitious Downton Abbey), as well as the Warner Brothers Studio Tour: The Making of Harry Potter and lots of Beatles stuff in Liverpool!
We explored many other wonderful places throughout England, with our last (planned) stop being the Lakes (which TS also sings about). The photo at the beginning of this post captures you at the top of Catbells in the Lake District, near where we stayed in Keswick. Your hand is on a “Wainwright” trig point, which marks the summit of the Catbells fell (mountain) that we climbed. It was another peak life experience (as my mom/your Grandma Jacquie referred to them), both literally and figuratively. Also, as you may recall, 22 was Grandma Jacquie’s lucky number (since she was born on September 22nd). If you look closely at the photo, you may notice some fuzzy spots and recall that there were lots of small gnat-like bugs (probably midges, which we later learned of) at the top of Catbells, which were everywhere and pretty gross (we had to mostly keep our mouths closed so they wouldn’t fly in). They were even swarming the trig point! Thus, sadly, we didn’t get/choose to stay there long before we headed back down.
In this age of generative artificial intelligence (AI), as I did last month for Gail’s 16th birthday blog post, I gave ChatGPT a prompt related to your special day. I asked, “What is the best advice you have for someone on their 22nd birthday?” and this is what it said:
Happy 22nd birthday — that’s a meaningful milestone. You’re standing at the edge of youth and adulthood, and it can be both exciting and disorienting. So here’s some grounded, honest advice for where you are now:
1. You Don’t Need to Have It All Figured Out
Everyone feels pressure at 22 to have a plan: career path, relationships, purpose. But most people are winging it, even if they don’t show it. Life isn’t a straight line, and what you choose now doesn’t lock you in forever.
Permission granted to change your mind — often.
2. Invest in Skills, Not Just Status
This is the best time to build skills that compound: communication, emotional intelligence, financial literacy, and self-discipline. Don’t chase titles or likes — chase competence and real-world utility.
Learn how to learn. It pays off for life.
3. You Are the Average of Your Habits
The habits you build now are sneaky powerful. Are you getting better, or just busier? Drinking, scrolling, avoiding — it adds up. So does reading, moving, creating.
Choose one thing you want your future self to thank you for. Start it this week.
4. Protect Your Attention Like It’s Your Wallet
What you pay attention to, you become. The algorithm doesn’t care about your potential. Be intentional about what (and who) you let shape your mind.
Unfollow, unplug, unsubscribe — often.
5. Build a Relationship With Yourself
At 22, you’re still learning who you are when no one’s watching. That inner voice? Start treating it like someone you’re going to spend your life with. Because you will.
Get comfortable being alone without being lonely.
6. Don’t Wait to Start Living
Don’t postpone joy until you “arrive.” These aren’t just prep years — this is your life. Explore, create memories, screw up, laugh too loud, take a risk.
You’re not behind. You’re just beginning.
If you remember nothing else:
Take your time seriously, and yourself lightly.
Pretty impressive, ChatGPT!
That is some meaningful advice for you to take to heart at 22, Skylar.
In regards to gen AI, I recommend using it in moderation — both personally and professionally. As though I see the value it offers, I also understand the harm it can do.
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah, no, we will not let you go (Let him go)
Bismillah, we will not let you go (Let him go)
Bismillah, we will not let you go (Let me go)
Will not let you go (Let me go)
(Never, never, never, never, never, never let me go) Will not let you go
Oh-oh-oh-oh
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia (Mamma mia, let me go)
Though people like to debate their meaning (or lack thereof), no one can know for sure what Freddie Mercury’s lyrics were really about in “Bohemian Rhapsody,” since Freddie took that knowledge with him when he died in 1991 — never having confirmed or denied many of the theories out there, even to his bandmates in Queen.
That said, your mamma loves you very much!
Happy Birthday, dear Skylar!
Love,
Mom
P.S. I typically leave you with a photo of just the two of us. However, this year I am changing things up a bit — sharing two pictures.
#1: You (at 21) and me (at 50) with the statue of Molly Malone from our unexpected, brief, rainy and cool visit to Dublin — which was a stop along our three-days long journey trying to get home from England in July. This happened when our original flight was cancelled twice/two days in a row, after sitting on the plane at the gate for four hours the first day and three on the second, before they let us off to figure out next steps.
#2: A page from one of my old photo albums featuring the same Molly Malone, statue during my semester abroad in 1996 (when I was 21 posing in front of her), on a weekend trip to Ireland my roommate and I took in March that year. I love that we both got to visit and explore England, as well as Ireland (albeit very briefly) at age 21.
It appears, from comparing the photos, that at some point over the last 29 years Molly was moved to a new location. In retrospect, when we saw her in July something about her did seem different to me. So, of course, I had to consult Dr. Google and learn more. I found several articles about Molly being moved from where I first visited her on Grafton Street in 1996 to where we got to see her together in 2025 on Suffolk Street, as well as discovered there is some current controversy around the statue.
Lastly, these pictures of this famous statue are also somewhat bittersweet, as they call to mind your baby sibling Molly — who was born and died 17 years ago on April 17, 2008, as well as my dad/your Grandpa Kevin — who used to sing me that song while helping me to wind down/fall asleep at bedtime when I was little and I in turn sang to you now and then when you were younger.
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