Nine Months is No Joke

Today was our day.

At least, it was our day since I was in high school, in the early 1990’s.

It began with you waking me up early on an April 1st, that happened to fall on a weekday, when we were hosting my youth group for a Lenten Breakfast/Bible Study/Faith Sharing at our home, before school. You told me that ants had gotten into the donuts we bought and I needed to get up and start baking, if I wanted to be able to serve them something, as they were expecting. I jumped out of bed and started scrambling to get ready, when you said, “April Fools!”

I was equal parts annoyed and impressed.

And not long after that, I decided that I would respond in kind.

Game on.

Enter one of my favorite high school teachers/mentors, my photography teacher, Mr. W. When I arrived at his class that day, I shared the stunt that you had pulled, as well as that I wanted to return the favor.

Mr. W, my classmates and I brainstormed options and came up with a plan. Mr. W would call you at work and pretend to be a Dean at my high school. He would tell you that I had been in an altercation over a leotard in dance class (which I was allowed to take in lieu of P.E. junior and senior year), when someone accused me of stealing their’s. Ultimately, Mr. W would explain that I hit the other person and was being suspended for doing so.

When Mr. W called you, he got your voicemail and opted to leave a message. Mr. W used terms like “an altercation ensued,” which you would later relay sounded “very professional,” as a real Dean might speak of such an incident. Also, towards the end of Mr. W’s voice message for you, he started repeating himself, saying, “Again, this is Dean Washington (not the name a real Dean at my high school back then), please call me as soon as you can to discuss this matter.”

You didn’t like it when people repeated themselves, especially when you were having a busy day, so you hung up before Mr. W got to the punchline and called my high school immediately. You asked to speak with Dean Washington and was told there was no such Dean that worked there. They asked if you might’ve gotten names mixed up and be looking for another Dean whose name began with W and you said, “yes, that must be the case.” So they put you through to that Dean.

When the Dean answered, you said, “I’m calling about the Kathleen Axe Incident.” The Dean had no idea what you were talking about. That’s when you started to get suspicious. You said that you wanted to listen to the voicemail again and would call back afterwards. When you did so, you heard Mr. W end the message with something to the effect of, “and, by the way, Kathy says, “April Fools!”

That day kicked off many years of April Fools shenanigans between the two of us. Our pranks got more elaborate as time went on, especially since you and I both came to expect the other would try something each year. We had to get more clever and creative in our efforts, often involving friends and/or coworkers to assist in trying to pull off our ideas and catch one of us with our guard down.

We had so much fun with our April Fools jokes on each other over the years! Your smile, your laugh and your sense of humor are amongst the things I miss most about you. I am grateful to have many pictures and video clips, as well as some recorded voice messages, that capture all three.

I also miss having deep philosophical conversations about life with you. You had such thoughtful and interesting perspectives on anything and everything. There have been so many times since you died, nine months ago, that I have wanted to call and/or talk with you in person about whatever was going on in my life and/or the world, as I often appreciated getting your take on and/or advice.

Nine months later, your death still feels very surreal.

I have to remind myself regularly that it really happened, which can be so painful.

As I shared in my eulogy for you, at your funeral on July 9th, though in some ways I thought I had been preparing myself for Mom and your inevitable deaths for years, making a point to be present every time we said goodbye and trying to be mindful that with both of your underlying conditions, more time was never promised, we are never prepared for the death of a parent.

When I wrote my initial draft of this post, I started it as if I was talking with and/or writing a letter to you. I quickly moved to writing about you in the third person. Later on, when I was reviewing it, I decided I wanted it all to be in the same voice, as I know you’d have preferred and were a stickler about. What I didn’t anticipate, as I went about editing every reference I made about “Dad” or “my dad” to “you,” is how bittersweet that would feel. I got choked up a number of times, as somehow, speaking directly to you about all of this, on some level, makes it feel more real. I guess in these early months, I’ve avoided that some, as I wasn’t ready.

I don’t intend to play any practical jokes today. Though I suppose, if the spirit moves me and a situation arises where I could pull it off, I could do it in your honor and memory. We’ll see.

It didn’t take me long, after you died on July 1st, to do the math and realize that our day would be a milestone in the year to come, in a new way that I wasn’t expecting.

I will be visiting your grave today, both to mark this nine month milestone and to redecorate it, as during the month of March we had to remove everything we had there for spring cleaning. And as I justed typed that, I realized that I will likely be visiting your grave most years on April 1st, assuming we are in town, because of the cemetery’s rules about decorations. I actually really like that and I think you would/do too.

Gail/Abby reminded me this morning before they left for school, that a while back we had discussed the possibility that, if you can somehow, you will play April Fools Jokes on us today, from wherever you might be in the hereafter/Heaven. We would absolutely love that and will keep our eyes out, just in case!

I love you and miss you, Dad, especially your shenanigans and they way you always made so much of we did together so fun, just by being there and being semi-exquisite you!