Saturday, 1-20-96
3:34 PM London
9:34 AM Evanston
★ Dad’s 55th Birthday! ☺︎
Wow! It’s been 4 days since I wrote in here… Though it doesn’t seem that long. The past 5 nights, & much of my days, I spent hanging out w/ my Pembridge buddies Adam & Paul. They are great guys & becoming close friends of mine here. It is nice to have some close guy friends here. I miss Brad, Joe, & Stever lots, so spending time w/ Adam & Paul helps. I especially enjoy talking w/ Adam. He is real sweetheart, funny, and rather self-confident, I believe because he has a lovely girlfriend, rather fiancé, at home. Paul also has a girlfriend at home, thought they haven’t been together long. Each night this week we took study breaks by going to a pub for an hour or so & then twice we got chips (and once Paul got fish too)! ☺︎
Erica joined us one evening, Lori another night, & Thurs. night (since we had no classes on Fri.) I proposed we go to a comedy club! Paul & I picked one out of Time Out called “Newsrevue.” It was at the Canal Cafe Theatre and was mostly political & social British comedy sketches! It reminded me lots of “Second City!” Friday Lori, Paul, & I went to Camden Town & window shopped. Today I explored “Portobello Road/Market.” It was massive & I think I am getting more than my fill of antiques, street vendors, hand knit sweaters, shoe stores, & vintage clothing!
It is also very cold out today! I am sure its nothing compared to the terribly cold & snowy weather they have had in the States, but after the fairly warm & sunny past wk. we have had, I believe we have been a bit spoiled… and got used to it too quickly!
Last night Adam, Paul, Lori, Erica, Erin, & I went to a pub called “The Royal George.” We all drank a lot, talked a lot, smoked (I had 4 cigarettes, and really smoked them/even inhaled! Yikes!), and played many a drinking game! Between the 4 cigarettes & 2 1/2 pints of lager beer I was “happy” or “pissed” for most of the night! It was really fun & until the end, on the way home, it was a fun kind of buzz… But then I was just real mellow… When we got to Pembridge about midnight, or so, I was tired, but not sober. I didn’t want to go back out for “fish-n-chips” or whatever w/ all them, so I chose to drink lots of water, snack on some crackers, & flip channels while chillin on my fav sofa in the TV lounge.
I ended up watching “Untamed Heart.” It was touching & somewhat appropriate for my mood. I remember Maureen really liked it a few years back, when it came out. One neato scene was when Christian Slater’s character showed Marissa Tomei’s character his prized & cherished record albums. He told her that he “liked to listen to them when his life didn’t agree w/ him…” Wow, what a great expression! I sure can relate & often feel that my mixes can be so comforting!
I had been doing really well in the homesickness dept., but I believe w/ today being dad’s 55th birthday & all, I am in a state of longing for him & those who love & know me well. I love all the things I am seeing here, but at times I wish I could share them w/ one of my “bosom friends” as Anne Shirley used to call Diana Barry in Anne of Green Gables….
Yesterday I got 3 letters! Today I received 2! These blessings were oh so wonderful & helped to fill the parts of my heart & soul that feel somewhat empty here, so far away from home… The letters were from Gramma Mite (her weekly one); Jessica Hansen (my “angel,” A-Phi friend who helped me, Mom & Dad move after finals this past Fall semester); and Joanne Lambert (from camp this summer, to welcome me to London & tell me she lives here & wants to get together)! Today’s letters were from Mom (❤︎) & my best pen pal Erin Sadler! ☺︎ On Wed., I also received one from Meg (❤︎)! ☺︎ In Mom’s, she told me that Sue Gorman had sent me a Christmas card w/ a very sweet note & a free 10 min. phone card! ☺︎ On Thurs. I also received e-mail messages from Mom, Dad, Gwen & Cheryl!
Well, this homesickness shall pass, or at least lessen… I am so blessed & this time away from home & correspondence has shown me just how wonderful my “real” friends & family are! It’s amazing to me that I ever wanted to leave that comfort of home… But experience is the buzz word & I am “challenging my comfort zones” like never before! Soon I will call dad to wish him a happy birthday! ☺︎ I am also trying to get in touch w/ Joanne. I will soon also probably take a shower, to clean myself & warm up too! Lori & I may go out to a club tonight, though we have yet to decide when or where. I am tired & have some homework to do, I may do some of that too. Time will tell…
❤︎ ~ ☺︎ ~ ❤︎
P.S. Wednesday night I went to Fr. Tim’s weekly “Growing in Faith” lecture/discussion. This week’s topic dealt w/ why we were created… Hmmm, it was very interesting & inspiring. I plan to attend again this coming Wed.! There are lots of very religious & intellectual Brits who attend. Though, as my first attendance, I only listened, I learned so much by doing so & really liked hearing the other’s questions!
Saturday, 1-20-96
5:32 PM London
11:32 AM E-Town
Just talked to dad to wish him a happy birthday! Oh, I miss home so much! Hearing his voice was so comforting… Mom was at the grocery stores trying to get some orange roughy for his b-day dinner! Though he hasn’t left the house since his surgery, he says mom & he have tried almost everything on “Leona’s” take out menu! I am so proud of him dealing w/ the pain he is in…
He gave me news of Meg and also said Gramma Mite said in her last phone call that she had been back to that psychic! ☺︎
He said they would be calling Grampa Jack tomorrow for his b-day! They sent him $40 (dad says $0.50 for each yrs.)! ☺︎
The pain in my heart & soul hurts so much… God help me to come to peace w/ it & enjoy my time here.
God & this journal, for the time being, must be my confidant… For I feel there is no one right now to share this with. Not that no one cares, just that they all seem preoccupied in their own worlds right now & I would prefer not to trouble them. I suppose partly this is all my moods…
A few minutes before I called dad, I called Joanne. She was finally home & it was super to talk with her! She is working at a pub & seems to be doing well… We made plans to get together to on Friday! ☺︎ We also spoke of organizing a camp reunion of all those in the U.K.! ☺︎ She said Rose had gone back to S. Africa & is teaching and Liam was in England looking into grad school.
Okay, I am in that HALT mode… Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. So… I am going to go eat! Then I’ll “do the next right thing” after that! ☺︎
Saturday, 1-20-96
Almost Midnight London
Almost 6 PM E-Town
WAHOO! 3 times in 1 day I have written in here & I am making up for lost time…
My feelings have progressed from homesick heartache to the ache of another kind. I am either paranoid, or extremely perceptive… I feel as it Paul, Erica, Erin, & Adam don’t want to hang out w/ me but don’t want to be blunt, but are pretending they’re not avoiding me by occasionally checking in… A few things about my theory: no matter what, they have all been drinking & aren’t themselves. Also, I am not exactly myself, in that all of today’s events have made me want to crawl up in a ball and cry — take a bath — be at home with my mommy & daddy — take care of my busy mommy & my recovering daddy — be with my Gingi… I could go on! WELL, THOUGH APART IN BODY, WE ARE NEVER FAR IN spirit, soul, or heart!
In honor of my little daddy’s 55th birthday, I will give my “buddies” the benefit of the doubt this evening! Dad has always encouraged me to give people that… And in honor of my “👍🏼” Grampa Jack, I will try to keep a positive attitude! No “Another Day, Another Dollar (Pound)” for me!
I just had a wonderful talk w/ Lori. In every situation I have ever been in, such as this, God has blessed me w/ such a friend to grow with, ponder life, etc… Once again I am so blessed and thankful!
Whatta day…
Always learning…
CHEERS! ☺︎
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Note from Present Day Kathy: I do recall getting really homesick, at times, during my semester abroad and can see why certain days/dates would trigger me more, such as my dad’s birthday. I remember what a big deal it was to get to talk with them over the phone, as it was not cheap to call long distance back then, and we spoke that way rarely while I was overseas.
It’s fun to revisit some of the adventures I had with my new friends/housemates there. Not having had a bother or a lot of male friends before I got to college, it’s also interesting for me to reflect on my relationships with guys I wasn’t dating, as I didn’t have much experience with that. Reading about the place we went to get chips (a.k.a. fries back in the States) is nostalgic. I recall that I would often put vinegar on mine there, which smelled bad and tasted yummy! Going to that place for chips, after being at pubs, in London was similar a place where we’d go for a late night slice of pizza after being out at the bars, back at U of I.
I can still picture being at the comedy club that night, which did remind me a lot of Second City, here in Chicago. What stands out to me is how there are aspects of British humor that my American friends and I didn’t get, so there were moments when many in the crowd were laughing and we didn’t appreciate what they thought was so funny.
Being a such a “good girl,” most of my life, I was also amused reading about the night out with friends when I drank more than I typically do and even smoked 4 cigarettes! I’ve always said I can count on one hand, maybe more like two hands, the number of times I’ve ever smoked, and I guess this was one of those nights. Though I do remember smoking a few other times in my life, when I did it was usually just one and I often didn’t even finish, as I never really got the hang of it and felt awkward.
I don’t remember much about the movie Untamed Heart, but that was a great quote from it and to this day I find so much comfort in listening to music, especially when I am grieving or going through other difficult times.
It’s nice to read about all the old school correspondence I was doing and receiving that semester in London, as I can’t remember the last time I wrote letters like that. I have a few friends and family members who still send me traditional birthday cards and will write notes in them, as well as Christmas cards with personal messages, that I always enjoy. It’s a great reminder of, even in this day of email, texting and social media, how much people still appreciate receiving cards and letters like that.
I wish I shared more details about the “Growing in Faith” lecture/discussion I mentioned attending, as it would be interesting to see specifics of talked about.
It is nostalgic for me to read about reconnecting with (not her real name) Joanne, one of my friends from that summer of 1995 working at Camp Algonquin. She was the first camp friend I got together with during my time abroad. We never did organize that U.K. reunion and I don’t recall trying or why it didn’t happen.
Love that I mentioned H.A.L.T., as it is a self-help cliché that still helps me today! When I am hungry, angry, lonely or tired I try to remind myself that any negative thoughts or emotions I may be feeling are likely related to one or more of those things and that I will likely feel better if “do the next right thing” which usually mean to eat, sleep or do what helps me to cope with my anger or loneliness.
When I was a toddler and learning to speak, I had trouble pronouncing my sister Megan’s name and ended up calling her, “Gingi.” So sometimes I still call her that for fun and must’ve found comfort in referring to her in my journal when I was feeling homesick back then.
I like that when I was feeling paranoid about my new friends/housemates possibly avoiding me, that I tried to take my dad’s advice and give them the benefit of the doubt. I still struggle with doing that sometimes.
Finally, the “another day, another dollar,” reference to my maternal Grandpa Jack, was during a time in his life when he was struggling to find the positive, after two of his younger brothers had died before he did, and he would say that phrase often. I used to try to help him cheer up and appreciate his blessings. As a middle-aged adult now, who has many loved ones that died/left this world too soon, I appreciate, more than I was able to then, just how difficult navigating grief can be and how sad my Grandpa may’ve felt. I don’t think I was aware of the concept of “survivors guilt” back then either, which my Grandpa likely was feeling some too.
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Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.
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Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.
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