"The love inside…"

you take it with you.”

~ Sam says to Molly in the movie “Ghost” after he dies

I was eating my breakfast this morning, after Bob and Sean left to catch their respective train and bus to work and to school, while reading and commenting on my friends’ status updates on Facebook (I find it relaxing). I was noticing how many of them had to do with Patrick Swayze’s death (may he rest in peace): “nobody puts baby in the corner,” “she’s like the wind,” you get the idea… When I came across one from an old friend from high school. He shared that he is “friends” with Demi Moore on Facebook and that one of her recent status updates read:

Patrick you are loved by so many and your light will forever shine in all of our lives.

And in the words of Sam to Molly,

“It’s amazing Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.”

I love and will miss you Patrick.

I just started bawling, in part because I didn’t remember that Demi Moore’s character in the movie “Ghost” was named Molly (like our baby girl in Heaven) and because I forgot how much I love that quote. Very therapeutic on this morning, two days before our new daughter/sister is due to be born.

I cannot believe how close we are getting to meeting her! I have so many mixed emotions, as I know that some of you understand and others are very empathetic to.

CLC, at Please Give Me Back My Heart , had such a heartfelt post this week about how she wishes that her baby girl (who died in December 2007) and her baby boy’s (who was born in March of this year) “existences didn’t have to be mutually exclusive.” I could really relate to feeling that anguish of wanting to have Molly back, while preparing to welcome our new baby girl into our world. I also really appreciated reading the validating comments on CLC’s post, especially one from a woman who suggested that your children who have gone before you and those who still live with you here on earth don’t have to be “mutually exclusive in our hearts.” I like that concept and choose to focus on it now.

I am excited for the birth of our daughter/baby sister on Thursday, believe me! However, I am also just scared that some how this isn’t real and/or that we won’t get to bring her home. I am trying to be optimistic that she will be fine and know that it won’t be long now. I realize this is normal for a mother who has lost a child and am doing my best to be patient with and kind to myself. I know that it is okay that I may not be approaching our new baby girl’s birthday in a “normal” way. It doesn’t mean that I am any less grateful for her existence or that I love her any less than my other children (both living and in Heaven).

Thank you, as always, for your kinds words, support, encouragement, thoughts and prayers. I find so much comfort and peace in the idea that our Molly-girl has taken the love she felt inside while she was here with us on this earth with her to Heaven. I wish that for Patrick Swayze, all of my family members and friends that have gone before me and for your loved ones that have gone before you.

48 hours from now, if things go as planned, I will be in the operating room prepping for our c-section to deliver our new baby girl!

September 17th is going to be a happy day!

One day at at time…

We are almost there.