P.S. It’s a…

GIRL! 🙂

I would have shared that in my last post, but literally ran out of time when I was writing it. It also is news worthy of its own post! Anyway, Bob and I knew we might have the opportunity to find out baby’s gender today, as (some of you may recall) it was at about this stage with Molly that we were able to find out. Therefore, Bob and I had discussed whether or not we wanted to find out this time.

It wasn’t an easy decision for us, as we loved being surprised with Sean and not knowing until he came out that he was a boy. We probably wouldn’t have found out with Molly (or named her prenatally) if she had been a normal/healthy baby, but some people in our life had suggested that it might help us to bond with/feel closer to her in light of the diagnosis and prognosis we received so early on in our pregnancy. We don’t regret finding out with our first daughter or naming her and we do feel it allowed us to make the most of the time we had with her before and after she was born and then died.

So originally this time we thought it would be fun to be surprised again, but the more we discussed it, the more we realized that we might like to know sooner. Bob wanted to know boy vs. girl from a planning ahead/picturing our potential future life perspective (especially because we live in a two bedroom home, though we have no problem with Sean and his sister sharing a room, at least initially). I also realized, the more I thought about it and talked with some friends who have lost babies and went on to have subsequent children, that though I knew I would be very happy to have healthy baby, regardless of gender, that there was a part of me that wanted another girl.

I in no way am looking to replace Molly, I want to be clear about that. Our first daughter can never and will never be replaced. But what woman doesn’t want to have a living daughter?! I imagine there are some who might not, but you get the idea. I would have loved to have another son, for Sean to have a brother, but I thought if there was any chance I might be a bit disappointed initially to find out I was having a boy, that I would rather find out early and have time to work it through, instead of at the moment our child (God willing) is born. I do have a friend who lost a child and later went on to have a child of the opposite gender and at first was conflicted when she learned of the gender, but having found out early was able to work through her feelings and emotions before her baby was born. I know it may not be that simple and it will still be likely bittersweet if and when our third child/second daughter is born healthy, knowing that her big sister is no longer here with us on earth, but I do feel some peace in knowing and already a bit of a stronger connection to our baby knowing her gender.

Lastly, I went to the cemetery this morning after dropping Bob at the train to go in to work. It was/is a beautiful and sunny day and I wanted to tell Molly that she has a baby sister. Not that I believe Molly is really “there,” but I do feel a special connection with our daughter when I go there. It was very bittersweet, but I do believe she is happy in Heaven that she is a big sister and has a little sister.

While at the cemetery, as I often do, I visited Bob’s paternal grandparents’ graves (since they are also buried there). I especially wanted to “tell” Bob’s late paternal grandma (who passed away three years ago this month), as she always wanted to have a great granddaughter. She had four great grandsons (who she adored) when she passed away. When she died Bob’s brother and our sister-in-law were expecting a baby girl, but they and she didn’t know it at the time. When we called her in October 2003, after we had Sean to tell her it was a boy, she lovingly replied “Oh, I was hoping you would have a girl!” So I thought she would especially be excited to know we are having another girl, even though I believe she knows these things already and hopefully is getting to spend lots of time with one of her great-granddaughters, our Molly-girl, in Heaven.

Lastly, our perinatal cardiologist commented this morning that she believes that those who go before us, like our baby girl Molly, have a hand in the miracles that follow them, such as our newest baby girl. She said that in learning the news that we are pregnant again and that this baby girl appears to be healthy, allows her to still believe in miracles. I thought that was very nice and meaningful for her to share with us.

Anyway, thank you for the wonderful comments that many of you have already left on my earlier post from today. I have to go get ready to bring Sean to Bob’s parents who are graciously going to watch him while I go downtown to meet Bob for dinner and to see the musical “Rent!”

Measure your life in love… Seasons of Love!

Take care and God bless.