Frustration

I just need to vent a bit, so thank you for indulging me…

Molly is still moving today and I think I find comfort and encouragement from that. I just had a rough morning emotionally. You know how you can be dealing with a difficult time in your life fine and then something happens that just kind of pushes you over the edge? A sort of tipping point?

Well, I dropped Sean off at preschool this morning and reported to our MFM’s office where I was going to be getting my Rhogam shot. I had the blood work done on Saturday, so it was suppose to be an in and out appointment, so I could get home in plenty of time to pick Sean up from school (which I still was able too in the end). Anyway, as I was checking in the woman who was handling the paperwork asked me if I was scheduled to come back on Wednesday for an MFM consult and Level II ultrasound at 10:00 a.m. and I said yes.

The woman explained that the MFM that we have worked with for most of our pregnancy, that we would prefer to meet with on Wednesday, is out of town and was due to fly back that morning on ATA. However, as many of you may have heard, ATA recently went bankrupt, so he had to get another flight on another airline and thus he won’t be back in time for that appointment. She asked if 1:30 p.m. would work for us. I immediately said yes, no problem. But then I thought about it some more and remembered that Bob has an important business meeting at work that afternoon at 2:00 p.m. (that only happens once a year, involves about 10 other people and has already be rescheduled a few times). I asked if there was any other time considerably later that day or Thursday or Friday and in a nutshell the answer was 1:30 p.m. or we would have to wait until Wednesday, April 16 if we wanted to meet with this particular MFM.

So I called Bob on my cell to explain the situation and as much as he said he wanted to be there with me, he really felt this was a meeting at work that he couldn’t miss. I totally get where he is coming from and the predicament he is in, but it was also hard for me to hear. I understand that he is not putting work over his daughter. He has missed A LOT of work during this pregnancy to be at every really important appointment we have had. His supervisor has been very supportive of him and what we are going through and has often encouraged him to take even more time off for things than he has actually done. But that said, I know that his job is important and regardless of the outcome of our pregnancy and whether or not Molly survives, he needs to have his job. So anyway, though frustrated, I said that we would work something out.

I told the woman checking me in that we would take the 1:30 p.m. appointment. I started tearing up and she seemed surprised, but was nice about it. She didn’t know the story with our pregnancy and I just explained that it has been a stressful pregnancy with a lot of complications and I was just frustrated that my husband had a work conflict with the time of the appointment on Wednesday, however we would still like to keep it and will figure something out. She got me some Kleenex and then it was time for my Rhogam shot. The nurse who was to give me the shot said she needed to take my blood pressure as a routine precaution before giving it to me. So she did and it was up a bit and I explained it was probably because I was upset, that I didn’t feel that way when I arrived. She understood and took it again on my other arm and it was still up. So then she gave me the Rhogam shot in my rear end, which was no big deal after all the Repronex and PIO shots I had during this and my other ART cycles, and then asked me to stay for about 10 minutes to see if my blood pressure had gone down. I was trying to relax, but just kept feeling more frustrated by the situation.

Meanwhile, I heard the nurse calling my OB’s office to let them know my blood pressure was high and ask what they wanted me to do. At that point I was in between laughing and crying at the situation, as I just wanted to get out of there and go home and have a good cry and try to resolve what we would do about Wednesday’s MFM appointment. Ultimately my OB told her it was fine for me to go home and that they would see me at my appointment with them on Friday.