Telling Sean about Molly

This morning after I got back from my glucose and blood tests, Bob and I decided that it was as good a time as any to talk with Sean about his baby sister. We told him that we wanted to talk with him. He came over and sat on our living room couch next to me and Bob was sitting near by in a chair. We started by reminding him how sick Molly has been and then explained that unfortunately she wasn’t going to be getting any better, as we had hoped and prayed she would. We then told him that she was going to die. Immediately Sean made the connection that Molly would be going to Heaven, which impressed us. I got teary eyed while we talked with Sean about Molly and as a result we also explained that it is okay to be sad and cry. Sean did at that time have a sad look on his face and seemed a little teary too, but he did not get very upset. We talked a bit about how if he wanted to he could come to the hospital when she was born and hold her, as she wouldn’t be coming home with us. We also explained that we don’t know yet if she will die before or after she is born, but either way we she will not be with us for long. Sean really didn’t have very many questions and we didn’t want to force him to talk about it longer than he wanted to.

So then we brought up an idea that the chaplain for high risk labor and delivery, at our hospital, have given me yesterday. We asked Sean if he would like for the three of us to go a store with baby things and pick out a special blanket to “wrap Molly in our love” after she is born. He really liked the idea. At the store we ended up picking out a cozy looking pink blanket with hearts on it (which seemed appropriate since Molly is a “heart baby”). We also suggested it might be nice to get her a special stuffed animal or something for Sean to give her. Sean came up with a precious idea to get matching teddy bears (one for him and one for Molly). Ultimately he picked out a blue “Big Brother Bear” for him and a pink “Baby Sister Bear” for Molly (that happened to have a heart stitched on it). While we were there, we also decided to buy a preemie outfit for Molly (if it works out and makes sense to us to dress her in it). The outfit that we picked out for Molly was one of the smallest preemie girl ones we could find and I especially liked it because it has butterflies on it. Over the past few months that we have been going for Molly’s echocardiograms, there was a pretty picture of a butterfly painted on the ceiling above the table I would lie on and thus this outfit reminded me of it. I would often look at it and smile and/or focus on it when we were learning sad news about Molly’s prognosis from week to week.

A little while after we got home from the store, Sean said something to us about playing with Molly when she grows up. This surprised us a bit, but as Bob pointed out when we talked about our interaction later, that it may take awhile for the news about Sean’s baby sister to sink in. After Sean said that, we reminded him that she was going to die and therefore would not grow up. We talked about how she would go to Heaven as a baby and as we understand it, would always be a baby there. Sean asked about her being born and we talked again about how she might or might not be alive when she is born. We also talked about how we are planning to bury Molly in a cemetery after she is born and dies and that we could go and visit that place. We also tried to explain about souls and how her body would be in the cemetery and her soul would be in Heaven. Soon after that, Sean seemed content with our conversation and didn’t ask any more questions. We continue to remind him that he can ask us anything he wants anytime, especially about what is happening with Molly. He said okay. Sean has also started carrying around his blue bear with his favorite stuffed animal polar bear (which he has had since he was a baby) which we think is sweet.

I have uploaded three “4D” ultrasound pictures of Molly from Wednesday to the Photo Gallery on her CarePage (http://www.carepages.com/ CarePage Name: BabyBenson2008), which include one (our favorite) where it looks like her hands are clasped together, to the left of her face, almost as if she is praying. I also included pictures of the things we bought for Molly today, in case you want to check them out.

Thank you for your comments, emails, phone calls, visits and especially for your continued thoughts and prayers. I continue to feel Molly move fairly frequently, so it appears she will be with us at least a little longer. In case I don’t check in again before Monday, I wish you and your loved ones a very blessed and Happy Easter!

Love,
Kathy