Unfortunately, not this time.

I got a call about 2:30 p.m. this afternoon to let me know that the blood test this morning was negative. I was pretty calm and the nurse, the same one who called me after our 1st IVF cycle failed, was very good in how she handled the phone call. After I got off the phone with the nurse, the flood gates opened, and the reality that this cycle did not work out set in. I won’t get to have an April baby, at least not in 2008. Sean and a future brother or sister will not be exactly 4 1/2 years a part. Our 2bb embryo, that was transferred into my uterus 10 days ago, apparently was not meant to be.

I do choose to find hope in the fact that we have 4 little miracles left, that are frozen right now, waiting for their chance to be transferred, possibly implant into my uterus and hopefully join our family! This morning, when I went in for the blood test, I had asked the woman who draws my blood about how a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) cycle works. Being me, I always need to know what the next step is, that helps me to prepare and cope. Knowing I might be too distraught this afternoon when I got the call, if it was not the news I wanted to hear, I took the opportunity to have my questions answered while I was at the office.

Anyway, I will stop all of my medications today. My period should arrive within the next few days. I will go into the office on day 3 of my period for baseline blood work and an ultrasound. I will be on the pill for 21 days. Our follow up appointment with our RE is scheduled for Friday, September 7 at 1:00 p.m. Assuming he recommends that we go forward with an FET cycle, on day 21 I will begin Lupron injections for 7 days. Then I will go into the office for blood work and ultrasound. If everything looks good at that point, I will begin Estraderm patches (which I have been on for the past 10 days and thus am somewhat use to/know what to expect from being on them) and an oral medication that will work to build my uterine lining. I believe I continue with Lupron at that time, but I am not sure for how long. On day 14 of the patches and oral medication, I will go to the downtown office for a “lining check.” Then, assuming everything is going as planned, on day 20 (of the patches and oral medications), I would have my embryo transfer (ET). She didn’t mention the PIO injections, but would guess I would start those about 5 days before the ET and continue them afterwards until at least the Beta, which would be about 10 days after the ET I figure. She also said that when possible they try to manipulate their patients FET cycles so that the ET falls on a Thursday, as that is when our RE does procedures weekly, and he likes to do as many of his patients’ ETs as he can! That impressed me.

I know I may seem “all business,” wanting to know already what’s up next… But it just helps me to cope and gives me hope right now to know how I can go about trying again. Well, Sean is awake from his nap, so I should wrap up. When he woke up and came downstairs I was so excited to pick him up (because I am allowed to now, but haven’t been since the ER 15 days ago) and he was surprised that I was able to! I had told him two weeks ago that Mommy’s doctor said I wasn’t allowed to hold him for awhile. He doesn’t know that we are doing IVF/trying to have a baby, just that Mommy has tummy problems sometimes and has to go to the doctor about it. So I just told him that Mommy’s doctor called this afternoon to tell me some great news, that “(I) get to hold Sean again!” 🙂 In a little while, we plan to go for a walk (which will feel great, since I haven’t been able to exercise for the past two weeks) and go to the park! We might even walk to the train station and meet Bob’s train home from work!

Don’t get me wrong, I am very upset this cycle didn’t work out and am sure I will be up and down emotionally over the next few days. It just helps me to do all the rationalizing I can right now… I plan to have a beer tonight, maybe two! Bob and I can have sex if we want (hope that isn’t TMI)! And as much as I would so love to be pregnant right now, I do look forward to being able to exercise again and do other things I haven’t been allowed or able to do over the past few weeks!

I can never thank you all enough for walking this journey with me. I know that along with Bob, me and our families, that you all were hoping and praying that this would be our cycle, the one that would give us the baby that we have wanted for so long. I appreciate your support and encouragement more than you will ever know. I thank you so much for cheering me on during this past cycle! I invite you to join me as we move forward with our next attempt. Sometimes after all we have been through it is tempting to cut our losses and throw in the towel… However, I AM NOT READY TO GIVE UP YET!!! I still believe in miracles, especially ones that come in very small packages, and hope that we will still get another one someday! In the meantime, I will focus on the many miracles already in my life, first and foremost my awesome husband Bob and my amazing son Sean!

I will probably take a few days off from posting, but will check in when I get my period and/or after my cycle day 3 appointment and then again after our follow up appointment with our RE in early September, if not before. Many blessings to you and your family and friends as this summer season winds down. I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend!