We drove by on our way to dinner and noticed their front door was open. I asked Bob if he minded if we stopped by quickly to say, “hello.” I hadn’t seen them since the day of her funeral (which I ended up giving a eulogy at). I hopped out and rang the door bell. She came to the door and was so happy to see me! We embraced and soon after that her husband also came to the door to give me a hug. She understood we didn’t have much time to catch up, as I told her of Bob and my dinner reservation, as well as our plans to go to the Garth Brooks concert later that night.
We took turns sharing information quickly and also took turns smiling and getting cloaked up. We each shared things we knew about before she died and what has happened since. I mentioned how hard it is at times to think about both girls being “gone.” I don’t know that I really meant “gone.” But that is the word which came out of my mouth in the moment. She immediately said that they aren’t gone, at least she doesn’t believe that. I assured her that I agree and didn’t choose my words well. I was just trying to say I miss that if I try to talk to them, which I do (and she shared that she does) a lot, it is bittersweet to know they can’t answer back. Rather, if they do, it is only through signs that I like to believe are from them, but don’t know for sure.
She was excited to hear about where we were going and told me how much she likes Garth Brooks/his music. She mentioned his song, “The Dance.” I understood immediately why it means so much to her, as it does to so many who have experienced great loss. I told her that I knew he would sing it and that I would think of her and the girls when he did. She asked that when he does, for me to think of them with joy, not sadness.
Fast forward to almost 1:00 a.m. in the morning, two hours into another amazing concert with Garth Brooks, 17 years after the first time I saw him perform live, at the University of Illinois, when I was a senior in college there (only 6 months after I met and started dating my now husband Bob). Garth prepared to play his last song of the evening, before the encores, and as the first few bars were played, the crowd erupted, knowing what was coming. My heart leaped, tears welled up in my eyes (a mix of joy and sadness), and I grabbed my phone. I knew I wanted to record it, to be able to later share it with her.
His rendition, as the crowd sang along, was breathtaking and I was lost in the moment, thinking of her, the girls, our Molly, and so many other loved ones that have left this world to soon, when someone bumped into me. It was a woman who was returning to her seat in our row and called out to a friend,
“I’m here.”
At first I was annoyed, she had interrupted my moment and I wondered if her words would be on the recording. Then it hit me and I got chills.
She was there.
They are not gone.
They are with us.
They will always be with us.
Though I can’t and won’t know for sure, until my time comes, it does bring me comfort and joy to believe it is true.
I recall sitting in my seat a few minutes before the concert began. I thought about when Garth would play “The Dance.” I wondered if one of the girls would try to send me a sign during the song. But I remembered that we were inside, so there would be no butterflies or rainbows, which often seems to be how our Molly and others speak to me from time to time.
It never occurred to me that a sign could come in such very different and direct way.
And when I listen closely about 0:49 seconds into the song/video, I can here the words:
I’m here.
She said it.
I believe it.
What a night…
Thank you, girls, and thank you, Mr. Brooks!
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